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ENTERTAINMENT CLERKS II July 24, 2006 When Randal quotes Luca Brasi in The Godfather and blurts out, "May your first child be a masculine child." I lost my shit. That was the hardest I laughed watching Clerks II and also the hardest I've laughed at anything in a movie this year. Randal's ability to reflexively say the absolute worst thing at the worst possible time is the best. Going into Clerks II, I was hoping to have as good a time as I did with the original, which is a grungy indy masterpiece. I kind of did, almost entirely because of Randal. Well, not just Randal, Jay and Silent Bob too, but mostly it was Randal. At first, I thought Randal was being overused; in the original Clerks, he had far less screen time. In Clerks II, he commands more than half of the movie. Thing is, he's by far the best character in the whole picture. To me, he's the best character in the entire Kevin Smith universe. He's the only one in Clerks II who sees everything clearly, who understands everyone, including himself. He's still surly and angry, a gleefully socially destructive tornado. He picks on crippled people blogging on the Internet, hilariously reenacts the pivotal action of Lord of the Rings while defending Star Wars (I'm on his side in the trilogy debate), and defiantly defends his right to call people who aren't black "porch monkeys." When he decided to blow off work and ride go-carts to center himself, the slow motion montage set to Smashing Pumpkins' "1979" was strangely moving. Randal isn't my hero, but he's the Kevin Smith character I'd happily hang around with. I liked the implicit understanding that if there is a live donkey sex show going on, you can't not watch no matter how repulsive and disturbing it may get. I liked how Randal pointed out that for a really ugly fuck, Dante somehow always has two girls fighting over him. I appreciated that Kevin Smith understood that watching Rosario Dawson's breasts bounce around is hypnotic. There should have been more of that and a lot less of Dante painting her toenails while they endlessly run circles around how they're going to end up together at the end. Speaking of endings, Clerks II had the right one, with Dante and Randal going into business together and co-owning the Quik-Stop and the adjacent video store. I also liked how Randal didn't update anything about the store; he still offers VHS and Nintendo games for rent and will no doubt find himself going out of business before long. As for Jay and Silent Bob, they were used in just the right amount, as joke machines to cut away to, breaking up the main narrative. I immediately recognized the music Silent Bob blasted on his boom box was from Silence of the Lambs and thus I knew exactly what Jay was going to do when he started dancing: Put his dick between his legs and flash the camera like Buffalo Bill. Thanks for showing us Jay's finely shorn pubes, Kevin. I really couldn't have cared less about Dante and his love problems, but whatever. The Clerks weren't even supposed to be here today, but it was worth one more quick stop over in New Jersey. - John Orquiola |
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