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CHARLIE'S ANGELS: FULL THROTTLE
LEGALLY BLONDE 2: RED, WHITE & BLONDE
Perhaps the biggest cipher of 2003's summer movie season is Luke
Wilson. Many people regard Luke Wilson as 'the other Wilson brother'
or 'Owen Wilson's brother', but this summer he has a different claim
to fame: significant other to the summer's hottest go-getter blondes.
In Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, Wilson plays the affable,
understanding, easy-going boyfriend of Cameron Diaz, and in Legally
Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde, Wilson plays the affable,
understanding, easy-going fiancé to Reese Witherspoon's Elle
Woods.
Both pictures are about beautiful, driven, capable, bewildering
women succeeding in their chosen careers against all obstacles.
Be it the sexy, cheerful Angels taking on a horde of dangerous Irish
criminals or Elle Woods refashioning (pun intended) Washington politics
in their own sexy, cheerful way, these women forge ahead in their
designer clothes and perfect hair, redefining the old 'girl power'
shilled by the Spice Girls into 'upbeat, freshly scrubbed, hot but
somewhat annoying woman power.' Meanwhile, left on the sidelines,
perfectly content is one Luke Wilson.
What is it like to be the characters Luke Wilson plays? (Forgive
me, I have no recollection of the names of either of those characters,
nor can I distinguish one character from the other. For that matter,
there doesn't seem to be the need to distinguish either character
from Luke Wilson's affable, easy-going real life public persona.)
When his gorgeous and endearingly klutzy girlfriend Cameron Diaz
gets a phone call from Charlie and runs off to save the world, or
when his gorgeous and irritatingly upbeat fiancé Reese Witherspoon
suddenly decides to pack up and head to Washington to change the
world, what does Luke Wilson do when his blondes fly out the door?
About the movies:
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle is a virtual photocopy of
the original. Cameron, Drew and Lucy dance, fight, laugh, jiggle,
and do impossible things to save the world. I enjoy spending time
with these three Angels and I watched with bemusement as they jumped
around and did ridiculous stuff until the 90 minutes were up. My
amusement was saved for Bernie Mac, who deftly replaced the dearly
departed Bill Murray as Bosley and created the most genuine laughs
in the movie. Meanwhile, Demi Moore plays a former Angel whom Cameron,
Drew and Lucy befriend and idolize before she reveals herself to
be the villain and is defeated. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
is 100% about the three Angels proving they can kick as much ass
and have sexier asses than any male action movie hero. There are
things one expects from a motion picture; apparently unimportant
things like story, logic, a sense of peril or consequence for the
characters, and any semblance of believability. Charlie's Angel:
Full Throttle doesn't have any of them. And they're proud of
it. I should be upset about that, but if they don't care, why should
I? I know what they're peddling and I'm buying. Afterwards I walked
out not particularly proud of myself, but if those girls are looking
for seconds (or thirds, in this case), I'd turn around and come
back for more. I'm a weak man.
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde is a virtual photocopy
of the original. Reese Witherspoon, playing Harvard-educated lawyer
turned animal rights lobbyist Elle Woods, is once again a fish out
of water but finds success in the cutthroat world of Washington,
DC politics by being cheerful, thinking positive, and staying true
to her consumer product, fashion-obsessed self. I somewhat enjoyed
spending time with Elle Woods as she droned on and on about hair
care products and facial moisturizers, and I watched with moderate
bemusement as she did and said ridiculous things which somehow allowed
her to accomplish everything she set out to accomplish. My amusement
was saved for Bob Newhart, who as Reese's hotel doorman/political
Obi-Wan Kenobi, garnered a few but, sadly not enough, genuine laughs.
Meanwhile Sally Field plays Elle's boss whom she idolizes before
Field reveals herself to be the villain and is defeated. Legally
Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde is 100% percent about Elle
Woods streamrollering over all who stand in her way to success,
while converting them into her doting fans at the same time. Things
like story, logic, a sense of peril or consequence for the characters,
and any semblance of believability are completely abandoned. And
they're proud of it. I should be upset about that, but I knew what
they were peddling going in, and I was buying anyway. I'll buy anything
Reese sells. I'm a weak man.
It's hard to recommend Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle or
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde to others. I can't
say they're good movies. I can't say either is worth $10. I can
say I liked Angels more than it deserved but I love Cameron, and
I didn't much like Blonde, but I love Reese. I'd watch Cameron and
Reese balance their checkbooks.
Anyway, back to Luke Wilson. I can understand why he is with these
women. When Cameron trips all over herself, falls into his arms,
laughs her dorky laugh, and flashes that $20 million dollar smile,
I know why he agreed to move in with her, even if he has to share
her with her two best friends, a black guy, and a disembodied voice.
When Reese prattles on about her gay Chihuahua and Luke's thinking,
"What is she talking about? Is she insane?" all I have
to do is look at her huge, hopeful eyes, that sharp chin, and her
$20 million dollar smile, and I know why he married her. I'd do
the same thing if I were Luke.
But what is Luke's story? What does he do when Reese and Cameron
run out the door on their crazy adventures? How does Luke pass the
time until his gorgeous blondes return?
I imagine maybe Luke gets together with his old college friends
and throws parties. Maybe they start a fraternity and get on the
bad side of a crusty, mean-spirited dean. Maybe there's some nudity
and drunken debauchery. Hey, what if Snoop Dogg showed up too?
Yeah, now that's
a movie I'd like
to see.
- John Orquiola (reviewed 07/03)
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