The Rundown on the Rock
September 29, 2003
Even before most of America had the chance to see The Rundown
for themselves, the hype would lead you to believe that The Rock,
multi-time World Wrestling Entertainment Champion and the self-proclaimed
"Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment", is the
next great action hero. Indeed, the still-reigning action god, Arnold
Schwarzenegger, briefly cameos in The Rundown, urging his heir apparent
to "have a good time."
Now that the dust has settled after The Rundown's opening
weekend, we see that The Rock didn't quite rock the box office as
expected. The Rundown opened at less than $19-million, slightly
below the predicted tally and roughly half the numbers The Rock's
first starring vehicle, The
Scorpion King, posted in 2002.
These numbers don't seem quite fair. The Rundown is in every
way a step forward from the sword and sorcery silliness of The
Scorpion King. The Rundown is a good enough movie.
Fun and enjoyable while it lasts, though instantly forgettable.
It is thus far the best motion picture afflilated with World Wrestling
Entertainment, which has had a less than stellar track record of
its 'superstars' venturing onto the big screen (the Hulk Hogan oevure
arguably being the most embarassing.)
By most accounts, movie audiences seem to like The Rock. Despite
the eventual performance of The Rundown, The Rock has the remake
of Walking
Tall readying for a 2004 release before he steps
behind the wheel of the Interceptor in 2005's Spy Hunter.
His immediate movie career is rolling along and there is reason
to believe it will only improve.
The Rock's big screen persona is being carefully crafted to suit
mass audiences. Tall, handsome, well-spoken, the half-Samoan, half-African
American Dwayne Johnson seems to be a more universal type of action
hero for our society.
In both The Scorpion King and The Rundown, The Rock
plays a noble man of few words. A fighter who would like to avoid
bloodshed but will not back down if provoked. A loner with his own
code of honor, and not without a sense of humor, but one he carefully
guards so as not to be taken advantage of. Thus far, this seems
to be who The Rock is when we pay $10 to see him in a movie theatre.
Well, this is all well and good, but see, the trouble is, that
ain't The Rock.
As any fan of WWE can tell you, The Rock we know isn't really any
of those things.
Sure, he's been the hero at times. But The Rock we know is a loud-mouthed,
sarcastic, obnoxious, self-serving, self-aggrandizing jerk who for
years had a fixation on sticking inappropriate objects up his opponents'
asses.
The Rock we know refers to himself in the third person. He gave
himself a bunch of self-congratulatory nicknames such as "The
Great One", "The Chosen One", and the aforementioned
"Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment."
The Rock we know loves the ladies and blabbers on about how much
'pie' he likes to eat (and he doesn't mean the kind baked in ovens.)
The Rock we know wears $500 shirts, rolex watches, leather pants,
big stupid looking belt buckles of his logo, the Brahma Bull, and
had recently taken to carrying around a guitar and regaling us with
his live 'Rock concerts.'
The Rock we know is a bully who likes to humiliate the announcers
seeking only to do their jobs and interview him.
The Rock we know isn't a bad ass. He can be a fantastic performer
in the ring, and his championship resume is impressive to say the
least, but for as many matches The Rock has won, he has also gotten
his ass kicked. A lot. In fact, The Rock is kind of a pussy. When
he's a heel (bad guy), The Rock runs from fights and takes the cheap
victory. Even when he is a babyface (good guy), The Rock rarely
whips his opponents' candy asses (despite how he tells it.)
The Rock we know is very funny. Hand The Rock a microphone and
he will unleash a series of clever ad libbed insults and catchphrases
that could make a grown man cry. He is a great talker; in fact,
as his WWE peer Triple H once stated to MTV, The Rock hardly ever
shuts up.
That, in a nutshell, is The Rock we know. We being his WWE fans,
the core audience Hollywood hopes will follow our hero to the movie
theatres since he no longer performs for us on Monday and Thursday
nights.
Obviously, we can't have The Rock in the movies as we know him
and love him in WWE. Physically, it's difficult to portray The Rock
as vulnerable when he is clearly bigger than most actors. Yet, it's
some of those aspects of The Rock's wrestling persona, the funny,
obnoxious, motormouth People's Champion, that we truly want to see
integrated into his movie roles.
Being a stoic, monosllyabic action hero works for Arnold. He's
got that goofy accent. The Rock is not Arnold. The Rock speaks a
mile a minute and can ad lib insults better than most screenwriters
can write 'clever dialogue.'
Arnold has to be a mountain of immovable muscle, armed with guns
the size of small children. The Rock, when in action, moves lightning
fast, but is more vulnerable, more human. You can hurt The Rock,
you can make him bleed. (A chair to the head usually works.) The
Rundown captured this well. Arnold got hurt a lot too, but you
never feel for him as much as you could for The Rock.
Perhaps if The Rock is truly to succeed Arnold as the next great
action star, he should do the same thing that rocketed Schwarzenegger
to the stratosphere: hook up with a great action director and play
a villain. Arnold became a megastar as the Terminator. The Rock
could become the same type of megastar, but my bet is he won't do
it as a hero.
More heroic roles will no doubt be in The Rock's future, but someone
in Hollywood should craft a villainous role for The Rock that would
really let him cut loose and play to his strengths as a character:
his humor, his cockiness, and his natural charisma. Heroic roles
only hold The Rock back. We've yet to see The Rock that can hold
the "millions and millions of The Rock's fans" in thrall
with just the raising of the 'People's Eyebrow' on the big screen.
But that's The Rock we're really waiting for.
Trust me, if all you know of The Rock is from The Scorpion King
and The Rundown, you've never seen The Rock. It's what we
WWE fans have known about The Rock for years: when he's good, he's
good, but when he's bad, he's even better.
If you smell what The Rock is cookin'.
- John Orquiola
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