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June 29, 2005 War of the Worlds was good. Two of the characters bugged me and there were a lot of holes and logical problems the movie both inherited from H.G. Wells's novel and brought on its own, but as a gripping techno-thriller, it's top of the line. Some of the imagery is haunting. Its depiction of an American refugee experience was harrowing. Senor Spielbergo knows what he's doing. I’m having a good summer at the movies. Looking back since the summer began, I’ve liked or outright loved most of the fare I’ve seen at the multiplex. Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith, Batman Begins, Cinderella Man, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and War of the Worlds are all tentpole summer blockbusters (so to speak – there’s a slump going on) that deliver the goods. Even Kingdom of Heaven was better than expected, even if it fared about as well as the Second Crusade at the box office. There was also Layer Cake, which I enjoyed although I’m not a fan of the British crime movie genre. Lords of Dogtown was unnecessary when compared to the superior Dogtown & Z-Boyz documentary, but it wasn’t bad. I didn't care for George A. Romero's Land of the Dead but apparently there's a great deal about zombie culture in the movie that went over my head. And then there’s Herbie: Fully Loaded, the last cinematic record of the 2004 model of Lindsay Lohan. It's the best of the Herbie movies. I saw them all when I was a kid so I feel I'm qualified to make such a sweeping declaration. The old Herbies were overlong and dull. Listen, Herbie ain’t great but it ain’t shit, and I know shit when I step in it. Also, while not a summer movie, there’s Serenity. I love Serenity. Overall, since the 2005 Summer Movie Season began, I’ve had a real good time at the movies.
I couldn’t say this a year ago. A year ago, with some exceptions, I hated going to the movies and I hated most of the movies I saw. Of course, I still went, because that’s what I do.
Looking back one year, from the period of January to the end of June 2004 when Spider-Man 2 was released, I saw 31 movies at the theatre, which sounds like a lot to some, but I was actually staying away from most of the stuff out there. Batman and Batman Returns were re-released midnight movies. Adrenaline Rush: The Science of Risk, was an IMAX feature that wasn’t very good. The rest were mostly dreck, with a few exceptions.
Here are the movies from January 2004-July 2004 I think are good and I actually really like:
Spartan, Man on Fire, Mean Girls, Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban, and Spider-Man 2 (which I think is the best movie of 2004, slightly edging The Incredibles because I always prefer live action to animation.) Five movies out of twenty nine (not counting the Batman pictures.)
At the beginning of 2004, I boycotted going to the movies in favor of getting to know my new Xbox. January is traditionally the month studios dump the crap they’re embarrassed about. I went to the movies just once in January, to see of all things Chasing Liberty, which was a big mistake. The first four movies I saw in 2004 were all horrible, four in a row: Chasing Liberty, Euro Trip, The Girl Next Door, and Starsky and Hutch. Then came The Passion of the Christ, which is one of those movies that I admire on levels that have nothing to do with whether or not I enjoyed it or ever want to see it again, which I don’t. The same for 21 Grams, a holdover from 2003 which was very good, but has no replay value for me. Finally, a surprise, the first movie of 2004 I actually liked, a grim, left-of-the-middle action thriller called Spartan, directed by David Mamet, complete with bewildering spy dialogue, a subdued, sort of bizarre Val Kilmer, the black sidekick getting killed twice, and a cameo by Kristen Bell, who would go on to star in my favorite television show, Veronica Mars. By no means a masterpiece, Spartan was different and interesting and I like it a great deal.
A few days later, I was in New York and was sprayed in the face with drizzling shit: the worst “movie” of the year, Games People Play: New York. Never heard of it? Good. I don’t even want to talk about it or explain it. I would murder everyone who had anything to do with that piece of shit and feel perfectly justified in doing so. That same night, I saw Taking Lives, another piece of shit that evaded being the worst movie of the year for two reasons: I saw Games People Play: New York right before it and Angelina Jolie went topless for the first time since Original Sin in 2001.
I was caught off guard by the remake of Dawn of the Dead, which was very entertaining. I have no use for zombie movies or dead teenager movies, the so-called “horror” genre, but I liked Dawn of the Dead. After that came a critical darling, a picture many people whom I know and respect thought was simply wonderful but I have no regard for whatsoever: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Moving on to The Rock’s Walking Tall remake, which was an incomplete and pointless TV movie that didn’t belong in multiplexes, I was back in New York for a screening of Hellboy. Ah, Hellboy. A movie nowhere near as good as Serenity, screened by an audience of basement trolls not attractive enough for membership in the Rhode Island Science Fiction Club. It’s sometime in March of 2004 at this point and I was very unhappy. Never Die Alone, a vicious, deplorable DMX picture cheered me up somewhat.
Then came April, the Vengeance Month. A trifecta of revenge movies came out, one of them was good, one a bit of a disappointment, and the last was terrible. The worst of the lot was The Punisher. The letdown was Kill Bill: Volume 2, which lacked the visceral whirlwind of Volume 1, made up for it with more heart at the end, but was sabotaged by the endless droning of David Carradine’s Bill character. My favorite of the trio is Man on Fire, the ultraviolent Mexican kidnapping/revenge bloodbath starring my favorite actor, Denzel Washington, and Dakota Fanning (who incidentally is better in War of the Worlds than the material lets her be. A sure way to tug at my heartstrings is to put this kid in mortal danger. Gets me every time.)
Then came May. Hooray! Summer movie season! First out of the box: Van Helsing, in which millions of people bought a ticket to see a movie, got punched in the nuts and kicked on the ass out the door. Troy wasn’t much better, the two-week Trojan War that makes up its own ending. What a one-two sucker punch for audiences. Millions of dollars spent by Hollywood and nothing but embarrassment to show for it. While Michael Moore and Morgan Spurlock were cheaply putting together a couple of entertaining and informative documentaries, Fahrenheit 9/11 and Super Size Me, FOX carted out another proud expenditure of $200-million dollars, The Day After Tomorrow. It posed the question: what if the weather ended the world and it was stupid? There was one bright spot in the month of May for me, a holdover from March: Mean Girls, which was still in theatres doing well and it turned out to be pretty good, thanks to Tim Meadows and Tina Fey. Also, Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams et al had a lot to do with it, but seriously, Tim Meadows deserves more recognition than he got.
June arrived with Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, which was the best of the magical lot, Saved!, which was funny in principle but not entirely in execution, The Chronicles of Riddick, overblown and idiotic (especially when the Xbox prequel game is bad ass), Garfield: The Movie, which had one moment I liked, when the cat hugged the dog, then Senor Spielbergo stuck us in The Terminal.
Finally, just when all hope seemed lost, just when I needed him most, Spider-Man 2 saved me.
My hero. It's clear why Lance Jr. dreams about him.
The point of this history lesson is: unlike this time last year, right now the movies out there are good. Good movies are abundant. Go see some. A year ago, only Spider-Man 2 and Harry Potter were worthy. Right now, there's Star Wars, Batman, Cinderella Man, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, and War of the Worlds, all mighty crowd pleasers. More importantly, they pleased me. Hell, I hear even The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants is good. I'll verify when Netflix discreetly mails it to me in a few months. Hollywood really, really wants your money these days, and for once, they actually deserve some of it. This won't last forever. It probably won't even last another week.
Which reminds me, I need to get my ticket to Fantastic Four. - John Orquiola
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