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THE ISLAND

July 13, 2005
Saw a free screening of The Island last night. Either people
cared more about the All-Star Game on TV or people just werent
interested in seeing the latest action movie directed by Michael
Bay because the theatre was less than half full. Apparently
many people who won free passes from a radio station failed to turn
up because the radio station representative was left with a stack
of passes and a confused look on her face before the movie started.
How was the movie? Not bad. On the Michael Bay scale, its
the best movie he has directed in nine years, since The Rock.
Its much better than the last three Michael Bay movies put
together. Bay scraped the bottom of the one star barrel with three
in a row: Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, and Bad Boys II.
Holy shit, do I hate Bad Boys II. I mean, I hate Pearl
Harbor but I hate Bad Boys II.
The Island is Bay's first science fiction action picture.
Bay actually started the movie off slowly, introducing the concepts
and moral questions with clarity and interest before changing gears
and slamming the action in around the 45 minute mark. When the action
starts, its relentless and pretty fucking spectacular. Theres
maybe 30 minutes of car chases and its balls-to-the-wall,
really well done. Ill say this for him: No one flips cars
like Michael Bay. He did the car flipping chase scenes in Bad
Boys II and I hated it then, but in The Island, it was
pretty awesome. And he had some cool fucking cars to flip too. The
Island is set 50 years from now and the future car designs were
all really sweet. He had flying
motorcycles, sleek,
silver futuristic Cadillacs, Mack trucks that look like
bullet trains, bullet trains that ran on anti-gravity tracks, it
was all really cool looking. I'm not even much of a car enthusiast
but that shit turned me on. Top to bottom from the visual effects,
sets, vehicles, and costume designs, The Island is a great
looking movie.
The other big plus The Island had going for it is the acting.
Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johannsen are the leads,
playing two clones who uncover the vast conspiracy surrounding their
existence. Theyre both really good in their roles, handling
the action while playing the bewilderment and determination of their
characters equally well. Already this summer, McGregor was the best
(non-digital) actor in Revenge of the Sith and was the reason
Anakin Skywalkers fall to the dark side had the emotional
impact it had. Here hes even better in a dual role as Lincoln
Six-Echo and his human counterpart Tom Lincoln. Johannsen was also
terrific; Lost in Translation was my favorite movie of 2003
but beyond that, I never quite understood her appeal and the hype
surrounding her. I thought she was dull as a doorstop in In Good
Company, but here as Jordan Two-Delta, shes innocent,
sexy, vulnerable and gung ho all at once. Plus she fills out a white
skin tight jumpsuit groin-grabbingly well. The supporting cast,
Steve Buschemi, Sean Bean, and Djimon Hounsou, were
also pretty terrific. The strength of the acting in The Island
was a pleasant surprise.

Unfortunately, the movie doesnt all come together. The
Island could have ended after about an hour and forty five minutes,
but the movie kept going another 20 minutes to a finish that doesnt
work even under mild scrutiny. Because of its science fiction premise,
the entire movie has huge holes and logical flaws its not
interested in addressing and the narrative eventually collapses
under its own weight. Bryan Singer might not enjoy how The
Island is quite a thorough ripoff of Logan's Run.
Still, I like The Island and watching it, I got the distinct
impression that Michael Bay has grown up somewhat. Hes always
been the 16 year old boy of A-list Hollywood action directors; his
movies are all slam-bang, big guns, fast cars, jump cut every two
seconds, assaults on the senses. The Island was a little
more subdued, a little more, dare I say it, cerebral. (I said a
little more, and this is again, on the Michael Bay scale.) Id
say the 16 year old boy is gone. Michael Bay is directing like a
19 year old big boy now. Hes still into hot sex, fast cars,
big guns, and loud explosions, but hes asking more questions,
doing more thinking. It's a step in the right direction. He keeps
this up and pretty soon, Michael Bay will be all grows up.
In a related note, a story's been making the rounds that Scarlett
Johannsen wanted to do her love scene topless but Michael Bay made
her wear a black bra to maintain the PG-13 rating. What the fuck?
Bay, you asshole! Fuck the PG-13. Put out the R-rated version with
Scarlett topless on DVD so all can be forgiven.
And Natalie Portman, you could learn a lot from Scarlett
Johannsen. All is not forgiven.
- John Orquiola
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