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THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE
September 11, 2005
Who Turned Out The Lights?
The Exorcism of Emily Rose is 'based on a true
story' and stars Laura Linney, which are two big red flags
going into any movie. The exorcism in question is a failed attempt
to free a plain, devout 19 year old college student from demonic
possession. It's framed by a TV movie-of-the-week courtroom drama
in which the the priest (Tom Wilkenson) who performed the
exorcism stands trial for the death of Emily Rose.
The bible is quoted often in the movie; not the one about God, but
the one listing every cheap trick and movie scare tactic to spook
audiences. This one has it all: ominious country farmhouses in the
middle of nowhere, dark shadowy shapes, light bulbs going out, clocks
stopping, doors suddenly opening then slamming shut, a girl's body
twisting and contorting into unnatural positions, eyes rolling to
the back of heads, cats screeching and jumping on people, spooky
voices, lots of rain, thunder, lightning, faces appearing in the
frost on windows, people's eyes and paintings bleeding black blood,
horses screaming and stampeding, cars running over people, girls
speaking in tongues and screaming, glasses dropping and shattering
on the floor, shit, I could go on. Watching this movie try so hard,
I was getting embarrassed for it. Someone had to be.
In whatever city and state The Exorcism of Emily Rose takes
place, the cost of electricity must be through the roof because
there's a lot of power conservation going on. No one ever turns
on the lights in their homes, at work, in the courtroom. It rains
every single day but the lights always stay off so every room, everywhere,
is dimly lit and spooky. Wilkenson, who was like a rabid attack
dog as the crime boss Falcone in Batman Begins, is practically
comatose throughout the whole movie. The lack of lights probably
made him sleepy every day on the set. The lone exception for the
statewide power conservation is whatever college Emily Rose went
to, which invested heavily in red filtered lights so the entire
campus looks practically on fire, even during the day. It's a damn
odd place a God-fearing Bible-thumper like Emily Rose would choose
to matriculate in, but then again, they offered her a scholarship.
I guess it's hard to blame her for taking a free ride, even if it
did end up being to Hell U.
Linney, the counsel defending Wilkenson, is a shitty
lawyer. She's supposed to be a hotshot up-and-coming legal eagle,
but she's a fraud. She gets clobbered during the trial and it's
no surprise. She does practically no research ahead of time, finds
and calls her key witnesses the night before they're to testify,
and allows her defendant to withhold key evidence from her in a
ludicrous show-and-tell game. Wilkenson repeatedly denies her the
evidence he has in his possession while he sits in jail until the
moment the movie needs it for maximum dramatic effect. The judge
trying the case is no better. There hasn't been a justice on the
bench this indulgent since the judge at Madonna's trial in
Body of Evidence.
Linney: Your honor, I have some new bullshit evidence
I obtained some time before midnight last night after I got drunk
and visited my defendant in jail. I'd like it admitted for presentation
to the jury.
Judge: I'll allow it.
This is a movie where the Devil for some reason has a keen interest
in the outcome of an exorcism trial. The Devil is so interested,
it starts haunting Laura Linney at night. Why does the Devil haunt
Linney? Shits and giggles. When the trial is over, the Devil is
apparently cool with the verdict because it leaves Linney alone
at the end of the movie. I never really understood why the people
possessed by demons, or claim to, are usually ordinary folk. Emily
Rose, for instance, was just a young college freshman with a bright
future as a lower middle class schoolmarm ahead of her. Why does
the Devil go through all the trouble of possessing people who can't
really do much for it? You figure if the Devil is really trying
to conquer our mortal realm and spread evil and discord, it'd possess
powerful people, like Presidents, generals, or corporate CEOs. Instead,
the Devil takes over the bodies of third world rubes and teenage
nobodies. The Devil is either really stupid, really petty, or just
really incompetent.
A lot like this movie.
- John Orquiola
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