Battlestar Galactica Season One Refresher
July 14, 2005
LOST IN SPACE
John: When last we saw the desperate, rag tag crew of the Battlestar
Galactica, things weren’t looking so hot for them. A raptor
carrying Gaius Baltar and Chief Tyrol, among others, crashed on
Kobol. Starbuck went AWOL and jumped to Caprica to find the Arrow
of Apollo. She fought and killed a copy of Number Six, found the
long missing Helo and a copy of Boomer, who is a Cylon and is pregnant.
That same Cylon-human hybrid child was shown to Baltar by Six in
a religious vision on Kobol and Baltar accepted his role as the
human servant of the Cylon God. In space, President Roslin was placed
under arrest by Adama for coercing Starbuck into stealing the Cylon
Raider to retrieve the Arrow of Apollo. Captain Apollo committed
mutiny, turned on Colonel Tigh to defend Roslin, and was placed
under arrest. Then there was the shocker I never saw coming: Boomer
pulled out a gun and shot Adama, seemingly murdering him.
DDP: You never saw it coming. Bang!
John: I'll say. Basically, anyone who's not a Cylon is pretty much
fucked.
Rob: I only saw about half of the season , missing mostly the second
half. When I left, things were going pretty well, they were keeping
one step ahead of the Cylons, forming a government on their little
space flotilla, everyone was more or less getting along. Then I
tune in for the final two parter and the whole thing's gone to shit.
At least the Cylons seem to be pretty much keeping their act together.
They're my horse, I'm betting on them to win.
GOD IS IN THE MACHINE
John: One of the aspects of Battlestar Galactica that is particularly
interesting is how the humans believe in the 12 Gods of Kobol but
the Cylons believe in the one true God. It’s rare to see a
sci-fi show make the religious beliefs of its characters such a
central issue. Deep Space Nine put the Bajorans' faith in the Prophets
front and center with Captain Sisko as the Emissary, but Star Trek
mostly ignored religion. Starfleet Officers mostly believe in their
starships, replicators and tricorders. They start freaking out when
they can’t properly rewire the ship’s deflector array
and tie the warp drive circuitry into the shield overlay via the
Jeffries Tube.
Rob: I'd like to see the history of religion in the Battlestar
Galactica universe. How did the Greek gods make their big comeback?
Did people get sick of the Holy Ghost and decide what they really
wanted was a bunch of guys who'll turn themselves into bulls to
impregnate mortals? Why did the Greek gods do that anyway?
Zeus: I do not want to frighten mortal women by appearing in my
full godly aspect.
Rob: So you turn into a bull? Dude, you got a lot to learn about
women.
John: In Battlestar Galactica, the conflict between faith and duty
plays a huge role as President Roslin undermines Starbuck’s
faith in Adama and coerces her into going AWOL and taking the Cylon
raider to Caprica to retrieve the Arrow of Apollo. We have Adama,
who believes in his duty as a military man, Roslin, who gradually
accepts the idea that she is a leader who was prophesized about,
and the Cylons, who believe they are doing the bidding of their
God and converted Gaius Baltar as their human representative. I’m
looking forward to the big shocker down the road, the revelation
of who the Cylon God is: Robot Jesus.
Dr. Zoidberg: What Would the Robot Jesus Do?
Rob: It's probably closer to Robot Allah, what with their occasional
suicide bombings. These are some very strange robots, automatons
aren't usually so mystical. With some exceptions, of course.
Optimus Prime: One will rise from the ranks to light our darkest
hour.
Rob: Now, is it just the cool Cylons who look like people who think
about religion, or do the big clunky metal robots go to church every
Sunday too?
MEN ARE FROM CAPRICA, WOMEN ARE FROM KOBOL
John: Battlestar Galactica is also not shy in the sex department.
This is not Star Trek: The Next Generation where hardly anyone ever
got laid and Riker and Troi sat two seats apart and stared at each
other for seven years. There’s a lot of hardcore bumping uglies
going on. Just about everyone’s getting some on this show.
Starbuck and Apollo want each other, but she slept with Baltar,
who has regular sex with Number Six. Boomer and the Chief used to
do it in the cargo hold all the time until Tigh put a stop to it,
while on Caprica, Boomer #2 and Helo got it on. Even Billy, the
President’s assistant gets some action from the black girl
on the bridge. Even with all the hot space sex, what Battlestar
Galactica needs is what Robotech: The Macross Saga had: a dopey
love triangle between a pop star, a pilot, and his executive officer.
Starbuck: Me and Tigh? Yeah, that’s not gonna happen.
Boomer: I’ve got the Chief on Galactica and I’m pregnant
with Helo’s baby on Caprica. I’m busy enough as it is.
Ask one of my many copies.
Apollo: Don’t look at me!
John: Oh fine. There’s no pop star on the Galactica anyway.
Rob: That's too bad, the humans could really use some inspiration
when they're fighting the Cylons.
Lynn Minmei: We will win!
Rob: As religious as the Cylons are, they certainly don't seem
to have the hang-ups about sex that our religious types have. Luckily
for Baltar, it seems their God is a lot looser with the sexual stuff
than ours is. I guess, He wouldn't have made His robots so hot if
He didn't intend for them to have sex with humans. Which is also
the way I feel about our God and why he created such fantastic asses
on teenage girls.
TWO HEADS ARE WORSE THAN ONE
John: I really like the way Commander Adama and President Roslin
play off of and work against each other on the show. He’s responsible
for defending the fleet and protecting the 47,000 left of the human
race while she has to govern them and keep the peace. There was
a point where they respected and seemed to even like each other,
but that went all out the window when Roslin started behaving like
a religious kook who wants a magic arrow to point the way to Earth
and stole Adama’s favorite and best pilot away. I don’t
recall if Adama ever learned that Roslin is dying; probably not
since it would give him reason to take command over the government.
But as it stands now, it doesn’t matter since Roslin is under
arrest and stripped of her Presidential powers while Adama is bleeding
all over the bridge. With Vice President Baltar on a Cylon vision
quest on Kobol, I hope Colonel Tigh and Billy can pick up the slack.
Rob: In ancient Rome, the state was run by two consuls, except
in war time when a dictator was installed. Good system, that's why
they had a mighty empire and why these guys are getting their asses
handed to them by the Cylons. The Romans knew when it was time to
step up, like Adama. Of course, it doesn't work out as well when
you step up and then your crew turns on you and you end up on the
ground bleeding.
Julius Caesar: Tell me about it.
THE BUCK STOPS HERE
John: I grew to really like Starbuck as the series continued. I
never watched the original series, so I never gave a fuck that Starbuck
is now a woman. In fact, I welcome it. The more chicks, the better,
I say. Starbuck really won me over in the episode when it was revealed
she inadvertently got Adama’s son, her fiancé, killed
because she passed him on his flight exam when he wasn’t ready.
She redeemed herself when she single handedly captured a Cylon raider
and brought it back to Galactica. She wants Apollo but fucked it
up when she started sleeping with Baltar, then fucked that up by
moaning Apollo’s name during sex.
Baltar: That really was quite the turn off, I can’t even tell
you.
John: Starbuck is a complicated woman, but she’s a bad ass.
Colonel Tigh: She’s also an undisciplined, self-destructive
traitor.
John: Yeah, she’s that. But come on, she’s the best pilot
in the fleet, she’s a flight instructor, she’s an expert
sniper, she can interrogate Cylon prisoners of war, she always wins
at poker, and she fought and killed Number Six on Caprica. You can
see why Adama values her above everyone, even his own son sometimes.
Rob: Nerds were pretty pissed when a woman was cast as Starbuck.
I also understand many of them don't like this Battlestar Galactica
because it's too dark, moody, and, you know, good. But quality be
damned, everything must stay the same forever. Wasn't Starbuck pretty
much the star of the first series? They spend a lot more time with
Adama and Baltar than they do with Starbuck. Between them, the Chief
and Boomer, and President Roslin, Starbuck has to fight for time
these days. She's cool though. I don't want to nail her as much
as I want to nail Boomer, but she ain't bad.
NUMBER TWO SON
John: Apollo is his own worst enemy. He’s a good man overall,
but seriously, you can see why his father wants to slap the shit
out of him half the time. Apollo has a lot of issues about how he
just doesn’t measure up. He’s the Commander of the Air
Group, but he’s not the pilot Starbuck is. He’s not quite
the soldier his old man is. He’s romantically attracted to
Starbuck, but she goes off and fucks Baltar. Then the guy who played
Apollo on the original series shows up now and then and upstages
him. Apollo believes in the democracy he defends, but holy shit,
he makes bad decisions. He’s loyal to President Roslin, but
he clearly wasn’t thinking things through when he pulled his
gun on Tigh during the standoff to arrest Roslin. How did he think
that was going to turn out?
Rob: With everyone standing down and realizing the error of their
ways, of course. Best laid plans, alas. Poor dumb Apollo. And wouldn't
it figure that when Starbuck finally makes up her mind to go and
grab Apollo's arrow, it's not in the good way.
BOOMER SOONER
John: Boomer is probably the most tragic character on the show.
There’s two of her and both have a lot of shit going on. The
Boomer on Galactica struggled with the fact that she suspected she
was a Cylon and even tried to kill herself. The Boomer on Caprica
had to spend 50 days on the run with Helo and got pregnant. On Adama’s
orders, Boomer took a raptor into the Cylon Basestar orbiting Kobol
and destroyed it with a nuclear missile, but saw all the hot, naked
copies of herself and had to face the fact she is a Cylon. She didn’t
take it well, but the destiny of this sleeper copy of Boomer was
revealed once she got back to Galactica: Boomer shot Adama in the
stomach and it looks like the old man is taking the midnight train
to slab city
Rob: Quick comparison. Which Boomer would you rather
do? Boomer:
Or David "Boomer" Wells:
Rob: While David Wells has pitched a perfect game in his career,
Boomer is a hot girl, so I'm going to go with her. I hope she ends
up okay. I think they'll understand about her shooting Adama. See,
it's not that she wanted to, she only did it because she's a Cylon.
OUR MAN GAIUS
John: Baltar is probably the best character on the show. He’s
a big mess. He’s in love with and constantly being prodded
and harassed by his hot, invisible Cylon lover. He’s a traitor
who is directly responsible for the nuclear annihilation of the
human race at the hands of the Cylons. He was hired to build a Cylon
detector, lied about building it, then built it and lied about who
and what it detected. He’ll literally fuck anything even resembling
a woman. Somehow he got nominated Vice President of the 12 Colonies,
then quickly sold humanity out a second time and secretly became
the human servant of the Cylon God. He’s a slimy, self-serving,
immoral nogoodnik. Baltar’s awesome.
Rob: Baltar is a lot of fun. While everyone else on the show is
engaged in a struggle to form a new society in the midst of a grim
fight for survival, Baltar's got something else entirely going on.
I bet Adama wishes he was having dream sex with a hot girl robot.
Of course, that hot girl robot really does fuck with him a lot.
Watching him try to ignore her while he's around other people is
one of the best things about the show. What's funny is that everyone
writes off his behavior as a genius's eccentricities, when really,
without the Cylon constantly whispering in his ear, he's not quite
that eccentric.
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