Battlestar Galactica 2x3 – “Fragged”
FIVE BY FIVE?
John: On Kobol, Crashdown, Baltar, Tyrol, Cally, and the other
one bury the two redshirts killed by the Cylons. It’s hard
to figure out how long they’ve been stranded on Kobol now.
Going by the events happening on Galactica, I’d say it’s
been a couple of days, but it never seems to get dark on Kobol,
unless we just never see them at night. We did get the answer as
to why the Cylons haven’t hunted them all down yet: they’re
too busy building a surface to air missile system which will annihilate
the rescue party that will inevitably come for them. From their
recon, they saw five Cylons, so Crashdown did the math and came
up with the wrong solution; he figured the five of them could assault
the Cylons and destroy those missiles. Baltar loudly objected to
the crazy plan while everyone else held to their military discipline
and silently objected to the crazy plan, but there is no talking
sense into Lieutenant Crashdown when he’s got his mind made
up about getting everyone killed.
Rob: If Crashdown had been able to see the Cylon raiding party
cut through Galactica and its defenders like warm butter, he might
have thought twice about his stupid plan. On the other hand, he
would've also realized that trained, battle hardened marines get
killed just the same as anyone else, so why not attack the Cylons?
Between Crashdown and Tigh, the last remaining humans in the universe
are suffering from a real crisis of leadership. None of this would
be happening if Starbuck was still around. Where is Starbuck anyway?
How are she and Helo doing back on Caprica? And what's going on
with Boomer? This show needs to be 90 minutes long.
ALWAYS IN DEMAND
John: The doctor finally arrived to perform surgery on Adama and
kicked Colonel Tigh and his flask of hooch out of sickbay. Billy
tried to talk to Tigh about getting the ailing President Roslin
some kamala extract.
Tigh: Why aren’t you in the brig?
John: Because Billy wasn’t technically placed under arrest
with Roslin. Tigh blew Billy off and when he got to the CIC, Tigh
got confused again about why and who Captain Apollo was planning
a search and rescue operation for.
Tigh: Why aren’t YOU in the brig?
John: Because Apollo is on duty, although Apollo is smart enough
to figure that Tigh is so overwhelmed he can probably make his ‘duty’
extend for days before Tigh figures it out. Tigh should make Apollo
punch a timecard whenever he goes on duty.
Mr. Burns: Apollo, it says here you left the brig on Tuesday and
Wednesday for Hamburgler’s birthday. Which is it?
John: Meanwhile, the press have been demanding to speak with Tigh
about what the fuck has been going on and the Quorum of 12 are on
Galactica demanding to see President Roslin. The whiskey strapped
to his ankle is also demanding Tigh’s attention and that’s
what Tigh is most interested in.
Rob: I love the way the entire crew just stares at Tigh whenever
he gives an order, yells at someone, or, well, says anything. Tigh
really better hope Adama pulls through, and soon, because his hold
on power is tenuous at best. It's not going to be too long before
the space marines start rolling their eyes at him too, and then
he's going to be in real trouble.
TWELVE HEADS ARE BETTER THAN TWO
John: Tigh was able to stand about two minutes of the Quorum of
12 yelling at him about all the shit that’s been going on.
Luckily for him, the Quorum is chiefly concerned with the President
being in custody and aren’t asking about Cylon Boomer, Starbuck
on Caprica, the people stranded on Kobol, or the Cylon invasion
of the Galactica a few hours before. Tigh blew the Quorum off, stopping
short of having his guards start shooting them.
Colonel Tigh: It'd serve them right, the democracy-loving frakkers.
John: Meanwhile, that devious, power hungry bitch Ellen Tigh paid
a visit to the brig and saw President Roslin suffering from the
side effects of not having any kamala extract; side effects include
Roslin not remembering how to pin her opponent. Ellen told Tigh
about Roslin’s ‘crazy’ condition and advised him
to let the Quorum see her. Without Roslin as President and with
Baltar on Kobol, she figured the Quorum would lose their ability
to govern, leaving Tigh as the sole head of the fleet. Tigh liked
the idea of nobody yelling at him or questioning all the dumb things
he’s doing. It’s clear where this is headed and it’s
nowhere good.
Rob: If Tigh's wife could see reactions he draws from his crew
she might rethink backing that horse. I missed the episode last
season where she was introduced, so I don't completely get her character's
motivation. She's ambitious for bigger and better things for her
husband, but to what end? Civilization is currently fewer than 50,000
people roaming through space on dark, creepy starships. There's
not exactly a lot of room for social climbing. You're not getting
a bigger house or a nicer car, and unless Starbuck pocketed a few
other pieces from the museum on Caprica, there's no more jewelry
coming into society.
BE A MAN
John: The personal development and Cylonification of Gaius Baltar
continues. Somehow through this trial by fire on Kobol, Baltar is
supposed to learn how to be a man. Six warned that one of them would
turn on the others. On whether Baltar could die on Kobol because
he’s the Cylon god’s instrument, Six let him know that
Baltar has yet to embrace that destiny, nor is he safe on Kobol.
The Cylon god turned his back on Kobol and doesn’t care what
happens there, so Baltar can’t count on that protection. Six
also spelled out that mankind’s defining legacy is not poetry,
literature, art, or pro-wrestling, but murder.
Baltar: You’ve done some killing yourself.
John: Six used the old ‘monkey-see, monkey-do’ defense
for the Cylons’ penchant for genocide. The Cylons are a bunch
of hypocrites. I’d like to know what exactly the Cylons are
planning on doing when they finally kill the last 48,000 people
in the universe. What then?
Rob: Yeah, for a smart guy, Baltar does a lot of listening to a
fantasy robot voice in his head who doesn't make much sense. And
who also probably isn't above making up stuff and lying to him.
So, the human's legacy is murder. And what is the Cylon's legacy?
Number Six: Well, murder too. But it's cooler when we do it. We
have big scary robots that kill for us.
Rob: I see. Robot theology is interesting. So, if God is all-knowing
and all-powerful, why did He turn his back on Kobol?
Number Six: Because it freaks out Baltar and gets him to do what
I want him to.
Rob: Robot theology is also efficient.
DRADIS OF LOVE
John: Apparently the word ‘satellite’ doesn’t
exist in Battlestar Galactica. They use the word ‘dradis’
instead. Crashdown insisted on his suicide mission of destroying
the Cylon missiles but complications arose when a new count of five
Cylons were guarding the missiles. Cally, who only joined the service
to pay for dental school and had been the last one to hold her shit
together, finally cracked and couldn’t go through with the
mission. Crashdown then finally snapped and pulled his gun on her.
Baltar then killed Crashdown to save Cally’s life. Six did
say that one of them would betray the others although a case could
be made for Cally, Crashdown and Baltar doing the betraying. But
I guess in this moment, Baltar became a man.
Commander Riker: Don’t try to be a great man, just be a man.
Rob: I thought you were ragging on us for killing each other?
Number Six: I never said a part of me didn't respect that about
you. We Cylons are very pro-human killing.
John: Nevertheless, the gunfire drew the fire of the Cylons. A
hair's breath from death, our heroes doubled back to the dradis
dish, which Tyrol was able to destroy, saving the incoming search
and rescue raptors from the missiles. The raptors then returned
the favor and destroyed the Cylons. Finally, the long nightmare
on Kobol is over as Tyrol, Baltar, Cally and the other one were
rescued by Apollo’s SAR team. To spare Cally and Crashdown
the embarrassment of their actions, Baltar covered for his friends
like a man would and told Apollo that Crashdown died heroically,
neglecting to mention Cally’s breakdown. At least they can
all get back home to Galactica now. Won’t they be in for a
stomach-turning shock.
Rob: I wonder if anyone's going to tell the chief about Boomer
on the way up, or just send him to the brig to find out himself.
That's gonna suck for him.
Chief Tyrol: My one true love is a Cylon? This is the worst thing
I've ever heard!
Helo: Actually, Chief...
Rob: It didn't hurt Baltar that his story meant he didn't explain
why he shot the ranking officer. I guess Tyrol and Cally have something
over the Vice President now. And I guess Baltar has something over
Cally, though what he could do with that I can't imagine.
Baltar: Oh, I can imagine quite a bit, you know.
Rob: Maybe it's just for the best that they forget this whole thing
ever happened.
Mr. Burns: I think you'll agree that after you've been through
something like this with someone, you never want to see them again.
ONE HEAD IS BETTER THAN TWELVE
John: When Roslin’s jittery, religious guard heard her delusional
ramblings about the prophecy of Pythia, he agreed to help Billy
get Roslin her much-needed kamala extract. And just in time as Tigh
was being an even bigger asshole than usual when he lead the Quorum
of 12 to the brig to see Roslin.
Colonel Tigh: It's feeding time at the zoo! Make sure to duck when
the monkey slings her shit at you! Hoo hoo hoo.
Tom Zarek: You're a dick, and coming from a terrorist like me,
that's saying something.
John: Tigh’s plan to humiliate Roslin backfired when Roslin
recovered and reasserted her position as President of the Colonies.
She revealed her terminal condition and her belief that she is fulfilling
the prophecy to lead humanity to Earth. The Quorum fell to their
knees and Tigh looked like a fucking asshole. With his questionable
ability to command the fleet now threatened, Tigh dissolved the
Quorum of 12 and declared martial law. Tigh, you stupid son of a
bitch.
Colonel Tigh: It's just 'til the old man gets back on his feet.
John: And when he does, he's gonna stick both feet straight up
your drunken ass.
Jason Locke: I'm with Tigh. Humanity is facing extinction by killer
machines, and all this council wants to do is listen to the mystical
rantings of some Messiah figure? Now, if you'll excuse me, I've
got a dock to defend!
Rob: I'm starting to get the feeling that Tigh's not up for this
job. It's just this sense I have.
Ellen Tigh: Ridiculous. He's doing just fine.
Rob: Is he even going to be able to stay on as Adama's second in
command after this? His judgment has to be seriously questioned.
To this point, he's certainly caused more harm than good. Hey, maybe
he's a Cylon!
Number Six: No, just a fuck-up.
Rob: That's what I thought. Roslin was pretty impressive though.
While I'm not usually a big fan of religious politicians --
Rick Santorum: Those perverts and degenerates at Harvard caused
the Catholic sex abuse scandal!
Rob: -- it seems like the people in the fleet, who I guess you
can really just call "the people" now, need something
to believe in, even if it a bunch of Greek gods that we ourselves
left behind thousands of years ago.
Number Six: You can always worship the One True God.
Rob: I think they'll be taking a pass on that.
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