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Battlestar Galactica 2x7 – “Home, Part 2”TAKE A HIKEJohn: Roslin’s band of true believers and mercenaries are having a bitch of a time hiking through Kobol’s damp, rain-soaked jungle. Roslin is too frazzled from the death of the black priest and the whole hiking ordeal to entertain Starbuck’s plan of a rescue mission to Cylon-occupied Caprica, Mr. Meier won’t leave Tom Zarek alone about shooting Apollo, and everyone is miserable. But at least Sharon the Cylon knows where they’re going and is feeling pretty good for a pregnant robot.
Helo: How much further is it?
Papa Smurf: Not much further now.
Sharon the Cylon: Farther. ‘Farther’ denotes distance, ‘further’ is more figurative.
Papa Smurf: All right, not much farther now.
John: Sharon the Cylon joked about how she’s smarter than Helo, but it’s not hard to be smarter than Helo. On Galactica, Commander Adama, Lieutenant Gaeta, Chief Tyrol and Colonel Tigh went through the Kobol recon charts and determined what direction Roslin’s group is heading towards. Adama plans to take Chief Tyrol and Billy on a raptor to Kobol, leaving Tigh in command of Galactica to defend the fleet from the Cylons. Where the hell are the Cylons, anyway? How come they’re not attacking? Galactica hasn’t moved from their last position and the Cylons know Roslin’s fleet is on Kobol. Why aren’t the Cylons moving in for the kill when Adama and Roslin are both away from their respective fleets and easy targets on Kobol?
Number Six: God told us to hang back and watch all the human drama unfold. Honestly, I don’t know how we’ll entertain ourselves when all humanity is destroyed. Cylon soap operas aren’t nearly as interesting.
Calculon: Cylons don’t have my caliber of ACTOR!!
Rob: You know, the captain’s really not supposed to go on away missions anymore. He should’ve sent Commander Riker down to Kobol instead. Of course, Riker’s so used to teleporting everywhere, he probably wouldn’t have liked the rough entry into the atmosphere.
Commander Riker: Hey, I don’t mind a little rough entry. Just ask Counselor Troi.
Rob: All right, that’s enough out of you. Adama was taking a lot on faith by deciding to run down to Kobol. For all he knew, the place was overrun by Cylons and Roslin’s team was long dead. Actually, how did he know they were even on Kobol at that point? Maybe they hadn’t left yet. Or maybe they had already left and come back to the Astral Queen. Hell, Adama’s lucky Roslin wasn’t already halfway to Earth by the time he decided to go to Kobol. YOU SO CRAZYJohn: While surveying the cell Gaius Baltar was going to hold the late Cylon Boomer in for his experiments, a naked Number Six confused the hell out of everyone by revealing that she’s lied all this time about a Cylon chip implanted in Baltar’s brain. Is Baltar crazy? Has Six been a manifestation of his guilty subconscious all this time? Does the Cylon God have a plan for Baltar as he believes or did he just make it all up? Six goaded Baltar to have a brain scan and then molested him in the chamber.
Doc Cottle: Hey, stop acting crazy in there!
Baltar: I’m not crazy!
Doc Cottle: Well, stop jerking off in my chamber, for frak’s sake!
John: One thing we’re know Baltar is not is harboring a Cylon chip in his brain, since the X-Rays showed he’s clean. So what the hell is going on? I have one theory I don’t care for: that the real Baltar died in the nuclear explosion that destroyed his home and the Baltar that boarded Boomer’s raptor and arrived on Galactica in the pilot miniseries is a Cylon copy. That would suck, though.
Rob: I was liking Six when she changed into her Cylon sweat suit and pulled her hair back. That’s kind of sexy, I like that robot-next-door look. It’s even better than those slinky evening gowns she wears around. But, sadly, it’s Baltar’s fantasy, not mine. If Baltar really thought about it, and watched the episode where Six came on board Galactica and exposed him as a traitor, he would’ve realized that there’s no way she can just be a hallucination. Besides, just because there’s no chip in his brain doesn’t mean anything. We’re talking about a race of killer robots, I’m sure they could conceivably come up with some way to fuck with his head. For a genius scientist, Baltar sure lacks imagination. That’s probably why his Cylon-detector is so shitty.
Baltar: My Cylon detector works just fine! Er, I mean, it does now, but not before when I scanned Boomer. REUNITED AND IT FEELS SO GOODJohn: Commander Adama found Roslin’s team in one of those moving, emotional scenes this series does very well. Adama hugged his son who betrayed him and gently caressed Starbuck, who betrayed him. And then when Adama saw Sharon the Cylon, who betrayed him and shot him in the chest, he turned into the Undertaker and choke slammed her.
Commander Adama: I want you to die.
John: That was pretty awesome. When everyone pulled Adama’s goozle off Sharon the Cylon’s neck, she said “And you ask ‘why?’” which means when Adama cried over Cylon Boomer two episodes ago, somehow the corpse of Cylon Boomer transmitted that information to Sharon the Cylon. Meanwhile, President Roslin is reunited with Billy, whom Adama brought along, and Chief Tyrol met Sharon the Cylon, just like Adama said he would two episodes ago. Adama and Roslin then had a talk, settling their differences. Adama told Roslin that he forgave her for betraying him, whether she wants his forgiveness or not, and that she was the reason they were all still alive, because she convinced him to take the fleet convoy and run instead of fighting the Cylons and dying.
Commander Adama: Everyday is a gift.
President Roslin: From the Gods.
Sean Cronin: From George Lucas. Now that I’ve seen Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith, my life is complete. Every day since then has been gravy.
Rob: The worst thing about this scene was that now there aren’t any more people Sharon the Cylon can surprise anymore. I love when people see her for the first time, and how pretty much everyone’s reaction is to kill her on site. Well, except for dumb frak Helo, of course. The best part is when it has to be explained why they shouldn’t just kill her.
Commander Adama: What, we’re not killing Cylons anymore?
President Roslin: I was surprised too.
Starbuck: Tell me about it. BEST LAID PLANSJohn: Two guys not very happy with the reunion between Adama, Roslin, Apollo, et al are Tom Zarek and Mr. Meier. The bald mercenary they brought with them probably also isn’t happy, but no one ever asks him what he thinks. Roslin and Adama back in bed together throws their whole, “Kill Apollo and take over Roslin’s fleet” plan out the window. Zarek keeps telling Meier to drop the whole thing, but Meier instead meets with Sharon the Cylon and tells her how Cally killed Cylon Boomer and only got 30 days in the brig for it. No way would Adama let Sharon the Cylon’s baby be born, and no way would he allow a Cylon to be raised in their midst. So instead of Meier shooting Apollo and making it look like an accident, the new plan is they’ll just kill everyone and make it look like an accident. Smart.
The Ghost of Mr. Meier: Hey, listen, we were just winging it.
John: Well, you should have known better than to trust a Cylon. When they reached the Tomb of Athena, Sharon the Cylon betrayed Meier and shot him and the bald mercenary guy dead. Poor bald mercenary, he was just doing his job. Sharon the Cylon then presented the weapon Meier gave her to Adama.
Sharon the Cylon: I’m Sharon, but I’m not that Sharon. I don’t have any hidden programs. I’m in the opening credits. I want to stay on the show.
Tom Zarek: I want to stay on the show too. If you’ll notice, I didn’t have anything to do with this Meier trying to kill you thing. I kept telling him to drop the whole idea.
Rob: With the human race’s numbers as low as they are, it’s a shame to see humans trying to kill each other.
Sharon the Cylon: Actually, since I’m a Cylon, doesn’t that make it better?
Rob: Well, I wouldn’t say that makes it great. That wasn’t a conspiracy that was really going places anyway. Mr Meier made some good points about Sharon the Cylon’s tenuous position, but what was he going to do with her when the plan was carried out? Give the traitorous Cylan the run of the Astral Queen? The Ghost of Mr Meier: Um, sure.
Rob: No, you were probably going to kill her right there on Kobol. Which she probably realized. All in all, not a well thought out plan. TOMB RAIDERSJohn: Starbuck couldn’t find any place to stick the Arrow of Apollo so she could open the Tomb of Athena until Adama came up with the ingenious idea of pushing the door of the tomb open.
Gandalf the Grey: Why didn’t I think of that when we were at the door to the Mines of Moria?
John: Not everything needs to involve crazy magic, Gandalf. Adama ordered the B-team of Sharon the Cylon, Tom Zarek, Helo, and Billy to stay behind with Chief Tyrol guarding them, while the A-team, Adama, Apollo, Starbuck, and Roslin entered the tomb. Inside were broken statues of the gods, including Sagittarius the Archer, which, when the Arrow of Apollo is placed in its bow, transported them to Earth. Surrounded by twelve stones bearing the constellations of the twelve signs of the Zodiac, they figured out a way to get to Earth by following the constellations. This was a pretty cool scene. The constellations themselves are interesting enough to learn about and chart in the sky, but now it’s extra nerdy to see them and imagine the crew of the Battlestar Galactica using those same stars as a map to get to Earth. The Temple of Athena makes a neat planetarium. And it’s a free show, all it costs is the spilling of a lot of blood.
Rob: The planetarium show was neat, but if they had retrieved the Anvil of Hephaestus instead of the Arrow of Apollo, they would’ve gotten to see the kickin’ Led Zepplin laser show instead. Maybe next time. After watching the gritty, stripped-down sci-fi that is Battlestar Galactica for two seasons, it was pretty surprising to find them on the holodeck all of the sudden. They had much cooler stuff on Kobol. Makes me wonder why the Twelve Tribes ever left. I also wonder what would have happened if there had been eleven tribes, or thirteen. Would they have had to find something else besides the Zodiac to identify with? Or did they divide up according to the Zodiac? What did they say? “Anyone born between May 21 and June 21, get on the ship headed to Geminon." SO SAY WE ALLJohn: And we’re back on Galactica all of a sudden. The fleet has been reunited, martial law is over, Adama reinstalls Roslin as President of the Colonies and leads the assembly in applauding her as he did at the end of the pilot miniseries. I gotta say, after the insanity of the previous episodes, I’m impressed they managed to reset everything back to the way it was in season one. I didn’t think it was possible a few weeks ago but things are once again as they should be.
Catman: Am I still promoted and Commander of the Air Group?
John: I think we all know the answer to that question, Lieutenant Birch. Helo skipped out on the big ceremony to visit Sharon the Cylon, who is convalescing in the cell Baltar built for Cylon Boomer. Speaking of Baltar, no, he’s not crazy, Six was just fucking with him. The child Six was talking about all along is really Helo and Sharon the Cylon’s baby, and Six is an angel sent by God to watch over and protect Baltar. Oh good, that explains everything.
Baltar: To what end?
Number Six: To the end of the human race.
John: Jesus, I hate Cylons so much.
Baltar: So, wait, “our” baby is actually Helo and Sharon the Cylon’s baby?
Number Six: I never said it would be our baby.
Rob: Are you sure you didn’t? Because I think you did.
Number Six: Well, we’re going to destroy the human race before
this season comes out on DVD, so I guess you’ll never get a
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