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Nerd Alert!
I finally got around to seeing the failed pilot of Aquaman available on iTunes (and some other less reputable outlets.) On one hand, I'm glad The CW opted not to greenlight this series as it saves me from having to watch a second Smallville -level show. However, if it was an either/or decision, I'd have preferred that The CW put the aging Smallville out of my misery and start anew with this Aquaman show. (Had they done so, Smallville would have ended with Clark trapped in the Phantom Zone, General Zod in Lex's body ruling the world with Lana as his girlfriend, and Chloe probably raped to death in some alley. Shakespeare himself couldn't concoct a finer ending.) Captain McAllister: “Arrr, I hate the sea and everything in it.” I'm generally with the Sea Captain there. Boats make me sick, I don't swim in the ocean, and I'm happy to devour most denizens of the deep. But I do like stories about the sea. I like sea-faring tales, pirate stories, hot chicks in bikinis, and I love sea monsters. Shit, I watched every single episode of Surface because it had hot girls in bikinis and sea monsters. Aquaman took both those key ingredients and slapped them together into something wonderful: the nefarious Siren Nadia, a hot blonde who picked up Aquaman in a bar and immediately took him skinny dipping. And then she turned into a scaly CGI sea monster and tried to kill him. Sold! You had me at hot naked chick who turns into a sea monster. Aquaman 's pilot was actually better conceived and executed than Smallville 's pilot. It's the usual origin story of who Aquaman is and how he came to be, and it closely followed Smallville 's formula: Young hero with superpowers who doesn't know who he is, a caring adoptive father (Lou Diamond Phillips! My complaint every time I see that guy is I wish whenever he first shows up, he'd look into the camera and say, “Hello, my name is Lou Diamond Phillips.”), a hot girl the hero is platonic best friends with, and a shadowy villain who suspects the hero's secrets. There were some good, compelling ideas presented: Aquaman is the exiled prince of Atlantis, there are humans lost throughout time in the Bermuda Triangle who have and are returning, Atlantis is ruled by villains who want to war with the surface, there are people in the military who are looking for Atlantis. The writing and acting was typical of the WB network. The girls were great looking, which is standard. Aquaman himself was a little dim and proud of being a non-reader, which is typical so he doesn't alienate most teen viewers by being overly intelligent. However, Aquaman has two fantastic aces up its sleeve: First, Ving Rhames as McCaffrey, a growling, bad ass exiled Atlantean who is charged with serving as Aquaman's Obi-Wan Kenobi. Also, he's black. There are black Atlanteans along with blonde haired, blue-eyed Atlanteans like Aquaman and his mother. I'd have liked to have met some Chinese Atlanteans down the road. Secondly, Aquaman had an endless array of mythological monsters of the deep and seaborne legends to draw stories and enemies from. The lost Kingdom of Atlantis , hidden by ancient magic from modern technology in the Bermuda Triangle, is a much more compelling concept than Smallville's Kryptonite-powered villain of the week and warmed over Krypton mythology. Atlantis and its myths are fresher and newer. Despite some reservations, I gotta admit, I'm disappointed there won't be more. All things considered, Aquaman was not bad. There is a lot of potential here that will never be realized. For instance, had this show continued, Aquaman would inevitably have faced a Kraken. Fuck. It's not all bad for Justin Hartley, the actor who played Aquaman. He got a walk-on gig to show up on Smallville as Green Arrow, the Emerald Archer. It's a step up since he doesn't have to swim around the ocean and smell like sea crap all the time. On the other hand, his new character's name is Oliver Queen. (No, there's nothing gay about comics.)
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