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Nerd Alert!
April 24, 2007
Krrrryptonite!
Good news, everyone. Apparently, Kryptonite has been discovered in a mine in Serbia. It's the rare kind of white Kryptonite according to the story.
Jeff: I don't think this story could get any nerdier.
John: White Kryptonite is only harmful to plant life.
Jeff: I want to punch you.
John: I've never been clear if it's harmful to plant life on Earth or Kryptonian plant life. Probably both. That's always been a little fuzzy.
John: Ah, Wikipedia says all plant life.
John: There you go.
Jeff: I'd like to meet the person who wrote that entry. And punch him.
John: It's a good thing they didn't find black Kryptonite in that mine. That splits humans or Kryptonians and creates an evil twin. That's bad news.
Jeff: Does the evil one spring forth with a goatee, or do they have to grow it later?
John: It has to grow later.
John: What if the original had a goatee?
John: It hasn't come up. I'd imagine the evil twin wouldn't have a goatee.
John: Pink Kryptonite turns heterosexual Kryptonians into homosexuals. I didn't make that up.
John: Silver Kryptonite makes Kryptonians super paranoid. Not just paranoid but Super Paranoid.
John: Comics are great. Why do people mock them?
Jeff: What color kryptonite makes comic book readers cool?
John: Undiscovered.
Jeff: I would have thought the black stuff would make their dicks gigantic.
Jeff: Maybe the evil twin has a huge one. Plus, he's very lazy.
John: Superman's dick could lift a truck if he squatted under one and stood up while erect.
John: The threat about discovering Kryptonite is that it's harmful to humans after prolonged exposure. It can give cancer or superpowers if particles get in your bloodstream. Very dangerous.
John: Although that's really more a side effect of green Kryptonite but who knows what white can do to a person if it ends up in their system? Stay away.
Jeff: Cancer or superpowers? That's opposite ends of the spectrum. What are the odds of each? And are they superpower stem cells that can turn into any power or just certain ones?
John: I don't know. I might direct you to Dr. Emil Hamilton at STAR Labs for your inquiries.
John: He's Superman's physician.
Jeff: His finger must be incredibly strong if he checks Superman for prostate cancer.
John: I'd like to be Wonder Woman's gynecologist.
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