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January 25, 2005KNEE JERKSJohn: That's kind of a mean title, come to think of it. Oh well. If I were an orthroscopic surgeon, New Year's Revolution would have been my favorite pay per view of all-time. Eugene blew out his knee when he landed wrong from a dropkick in the first match of the show and in the very next match, poor Lita tore her ACL on the arena floor when she landed a Lou Thesz Press from the ring apron onto Trish. Trish Stratus: I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so. Lita is the walking kiss of death.
John: Coincidentally, that same weekend, Rob Van Dam blew out his knee as well.
John: They say bad things happen in threes but this was ridiculous.
All three of them were champions and had to drop their belts. They
all will be out for months and will sadly miss WrestleMania this
year. Eugene will sit out his very first WrestleMania and this will
be the third one in a row Lita will miss. It's unfortunate all around,
but man, someone up there really seems to have it out for Lita.
I feel bad for her. Every time she gets any career momentum going,
she gets hurt or gets raped by Kane had has to carry then lose his
baby. She just can't catch a break. Jeff: Lita doesn’t have any problems catching breaks. Nor does she have trouble catching tears, sprains, or ruptures. I’d have to guess it has something to do with her totally awkward manner of moving around the ring. Eugene’s injury was just strange. It’s not like he landed all that funny on those dropkicks or even got very high on them.
Eric Watts: I don’t know about that. It looked like he was scraping the ceiling from here.
Jeff: At one point last week, the Raw and Smackdown tag champs
had six working knees among them. If only two of them were Zach
Gowen, then everything would be fine. BLAME CANADAJohn: RAW and Smackdown broadcast from Canada last week. Always
fun to be in Canada. By fun, I mean annoying. Canadian wrestling
fans have a special obnoxiousness all their own. They only cheer
for their countrymen regardless of the storyline and they just won't
let the Montreal Screwjob go. Jeff: Other than their cult-like love of Bret Hart, I'm perfectly fine with the Canadian fans. They love Triple H, Hollywood Hogan, and Chris Jericho and hate the Rock nearly as much as they do Earl Hebner. It's tough to argue with any of that. Their hatred of Shawn Michaels is pretty good, too, since Canada's now the only place in the world where we can see a glimmer of the old heel HBK. If you put him in front of 60,000 hatred-spewing Canadians in the Skydome, I think you just might get him to hump the flag again. How awesome would that be?
Jesus Christ: I don't think it would be that great. But really, there's not a whole lot about wrestling I like. Violence, cutting yourself, the anger, it's not exactly the place where I want my word spread.
Jeff: I think we can all agree on that one. BIG RED BUMPJohn: The war between Gene Snitsky and Kane seems to have no end
in sight. Kane and Snitsky wrestled an interminably long match at
New Year's Revolution that ended with Kane literally dropping Snitsky
on his head for the pin.
John: They could both be dead from the impact, but we're not that
lucky. Besides Snitsky started visibly asking Kane how he was while
the camera was pointed right at him. Jeff: I actually got a little ill the moment I realized Wrestlemania would feature a tag match between the teams of Heidenreich & Snitsky and Kane & the Undertaker. On the positive side, the Taker’s Wrestlemania win streak doesn’t seem to be in much danger. On the less positive side, the Heidenreich/Snitsky team might be the biggest pile of suck since Sid teamed with Tatanka. Sid Vicious: I'm not a tag team type of guy. OVERJOYEDJohn: Over on SmackDown!, it's only January but you'd never know it. The last three weeks have been a stream of April Fool's jokes Kurt Angle and JBL have been playing on each other and the Big Show. It all centers around Joy Giovanni.
John: Joy's been walked in on in the shower, kidnapped and locked in the trunk of a limo, and used as bait as a ploy for a dual-faction beatdown on the Big Show.
John: Joy doesn't say much, doesn't do much and doesn't wrestle. All she does is stand around and look smoking hot and yet she's at the center of the WWE Title triple threat build for Royal Rumble. I like Joy and all, but she's not doing anything any of the other Divas already on the roster couldn't have done. Poor Torrie Wilson has been waiting for an angle all year, and she's the original Diva who stands around and doesn't do much but look hot. I guess making out with the Big Show on camera is kind of a hazing ritual for the newbies. Jeff: Not that anyone could possibly remember, but Big Show tried to kill Torrie the night he tossed G.M. Kurt Angle off that balcony. She wouldn’t be the best person for that spot. Luckily there are another 50 girls recently hired who can be plugged into that spot. And Joy was the one most willing to deal with the Big Show’s drooling all over everything. That shows a real commitment to the job. THE WAITING IS THE HARDEST PARTJohn: Okay, I'm taking bets. I'm claiming Monday, January 31st as The Day Batista Finally Turns. He has to. Either he wins the Royal Rumble and gets the shot at Triple H for WrestleMania, which will lead to him leaving Evolution the next night on RAW, or he fails to win but circumstances lead to the same result. Triple H and Batista have been playing their roles very entertainingly. Batista is a smart guy, waiting patiently for his chance to take his shot at Triple H. Meanwhile, Triple H has been fuming over Batista when he's not around and gets really friendly when Big Dave is in the room. The wildcard is Ric Flair. Batista seems to really like Ric and if he can turn somehow while taking Ric with him, I think he'd like that. Probably not likely though. Ric Flair: What?! Turn my back on Triple H?! I love Big Dave! Wooo! Love him like a son. But I'm IN love with Triple H, my mentor, my light, my reason for living! You'll never break us apart.
Jeff: I guess nobody's noticed, but Batista's already turned. He's
only been wrestling against heels for the last few weeks, he's jabbering
with the fans, and he's this close to ending every match with a
10 minute pose-down. STRATUS FEARJohn: Six-time WWE Women's Champion Trish Stratus returned home to Toronto and received a hero's welcome. But since she was home and this is WWE, something bad had to happen to her in front of her hometown crowd. Although in this case, Trish really brought it on herself. Kane took umbrage to Trish's unkind words about his wife Lita and chokeslammed the Women's Champion straight to Hell.
John: She had it coming, really. Trish could have been gracious
and left Lita's troubles alone, but what's the fun in that? I'm
not sure how the storyline was supposed to play out before Lita
injured her knee, but Trish ended up inadvertantly winning their
feud. Since the heel came out on top, Lita needed some retribution.
Overall, Trish got off pretty easy, unlike a certain cowboy hat-wearing
announcer whenever he comes home. Jeff: Even if the Governor names a day in your honor, you’re not safe.
Jim Ross: Damn that Triple H! Damn him straight to hell!
Danny Hodge: Who were those two young whippersnappers? No respect. RE-MASTEREDJohn: RAW has been showing vignettes of some ham 'n' egger... Jeff: Muscleheads love other muscleheads. As long as Vince is in charge, there'll always be a spot for a talentless sack of shit with a million dollar body and a ten cent mind.
Bobby Heenan: Knock it off.
Jeff: The most egregious example I can think of is Batista. No, not Dave himself, he has a lot more going for him than just his physique. But in every interview I've seen with him he mentions that his favorite wrestler was the Warlord, the biggest, roidiest, shittiest wrestler to step into the ring. Although I suppose he did have a pretty good full nelson.
Billy Jack Haynes: It wasn't that great. |
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