John:  Right, and then there’s that guy.  If I could pigeon hole the biggest reason TNA is having trouble breaking an 0.9 in the ratings besides their Saturday night time slot, it’s ol’ Double J.  For a company that professes to be ushering the future of professional wrestling, they should be avoiding booking matches where Jeff Jarrett wrestles the Roadie like the plague.  On the plus side, TNA has some good tag teams and the X-Division is pretty damn entertaining.  Not to the point where I’ll call my friends to tell them TNA is on, but then again all my friends who would care are watching TNA anyway. 

John:  After quitting WWE, Christian did the unthinkable.  No, I don’t mean going to TNA.  I mean he somehow managed to keep the name “Christian” and the nickname “Captain Charisma.” 

Vince McMahon:  I would suggest it would show that creepy little bastard right.

Jeff:  I know everyone hates Monty Brown, and I used to be right with them, but he really impressed me last week with that promo in the ring with Christian.  It's not often you hear a wrestler use the word "vernacular."  I forgot that as a former NFL player he went to a four year college and probably attended a class or two.  He just needs to drop the POUNCE!!!! thing and take an Unprettier or three.  Then I'd be totally happy with him.  As for Captain Charisma, Christian Cage, I'm very interested in finding out how they manage to position him as a babyface.  The WWE tried a couple of times, and while Christian has a sizeable contigent of his peeps in the crowd, he's still a very unlikable little weasel to the majority of fans.   

John:  No sir, I guess not.

Jeff:  The quality of Samoa Joe's appearance and name are inversely proportional to his skills as a wrestler.  Seriously, "Samoa Joe" has to be the worst name in the history of wrestling.

Mantaur:  I'm not so sure about that.

Jeff:  Well, for a good wrestler.

Taz:  My name is pretty dumb, too.  You just don't think about it anymore.

Jeff:  That's true.  Usually being named after a cartoon character doesn't lead to great things.  The thing Joe has going for him is that his matches look real.  Mainly because he's really hurting his opponents.  I don't mind seeing that when both guys are hammering on each other...

The Dicks:  You should see when we go one on one.

Jeff:  That sounds hot.  But as I was saying, sometimes it seems like Samoa Joe is the only guy throwing real kicks when his opponent just wants to have a nice, fake wrestling match.  That's not cool.  I hope the Phenomenal Douchebag teaches that big bully a lesson.

Jeff:  What would have happened if George Bush had taken on Saddam Hussein one on one?  Bush is younger and in much better shape, but Saddam's the dirtiest player in the Middle East.  And I wouldn't be surprised to see Bush fall for the handful of sand in the face trick.  He'd better hope Condoleeza's in position to distract the ref and bail him out when that happens. 
Prediction:  Saddam's trial ends in a bigger schmoz than the fantasy match would have

Prediction:  Michael Cole still can’t tell the difference between a crown and a tiara.

Jeff:  I can't blame Cole on that one.  No straight man should know the difference.

Booker T:  You didn't just say that.  Tell me you did not just say that.

Jeff:  You know what are pretty good?  Matches where Chris Benoit is pissed off at his opponent.  He usually chops that shit out of his opponent, but when he's pissed, he tries to put his hand right through their chests.  I wouldn't be surprised to see Sharmel's chest turn red in subconscious empathy for her husband.
Prediction:  There are more than seven matches in the series.

John:  This is the most interesting Divas match booked in many moons between the two best girls in the company.  Besides Maria.  That one week where all the wrestlers cried (incidentally, the one time I did cry was when Melina refused to do her normal entrance), all storylines were put aside except for one where Melina won an inter-brand Divas battle royal.  In her mind, this made Melina the number one contender and to convince Trish, she had MNM kidnap her, tie her up and aggressively fondle her.  It was hot.

John's Prediction:  Trish’s ears will be ringing from Melina’s constant screaming long after their match is over.

Jeff:  The WWE must hire the same camera men they use for nature shows.  It doesn't matter how cute the bunny is, you sit there and let the snake eat it like a neutral observer.  I guess it helps when the snake is also really hot and she has two big jackals hanging with her.  I just wonder where this angle with Melina leaves the one with Mickie James.

Melina:  Fuck Mickie James.  Fuck that stupid, backstabbing, little whore. 

Jeff:  Yowza.  You could be a Diva Search contestant with a mouth like that.
Prediction:  Melina takes a run at Maria Sharapova in the lucrative screaming ringtone market.

John:  So what’s the over/under on how long it will take Flair’s torso to be completely painted red in his own blood?  I say five minutes.
Prediction:  Triple H will have never worked harder to win the Intercontinental Title.

Jeff:  Is the title even on the line in this match?  They haven't mentioned anything about it.  Since it's a last man standing match, it's no DQ, so Flair can do whatever he wants and have anyone he wants helping him out.  I'd love to see all the old Horsemen help him out.  Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, Ole Anderson, Barry Windham, Lex Luger, Chris Benoit, Sting, Steve McMichaels... the whole bunch.  And after they help Ric win, they should all turn on Sting.
Prediction:  Flair sweats, bleeds, pays the price, and passes the Honky Tonk Man's record for longest IC title reign.

Jeff:  It seems like the WWE thought long and hard...

The Dicks:  What was that?

Jeff:  Someone get these two out of here.  They must have been thinking about what to do about Angle's getting a better reaction from the crowd than Cena.  Sticking him with one of the most hated men in the company and scewing over his opponents when he doesn't need to seems to be doing the trick.  My favorite part about the whole thing is that Daivari still screams his interviews in Arabic and Angle just nods in agreement. 
Prediction:  The duo breaks up when Angle finds out Daivari's saying he sucks in Arabic.

John:  On the line, the bragging rights for which brand can claim to be the flagship show of WWE.  This whole angle has been pretty well booked. I liked the strange bedfellows of heels teaming with faces and invading each other’s shows.  Smackdown were initially set up as the faces, but with Randy Orton stepping into the team and JBL leading Smackdown when Batista is injured, Smackdown looks a lot less sympathetic.   Team RAW’s stratagem of sending Big Show and Kane to specifically destroy Batista has been pretty flawless and effective.  Especially that devastating double chokeslam on the car that Joey Styles assures us happened.