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This week, WWE put out a casting call that’s a sure cause for excitement: "SHELTON BENJAMIN'S MAMA / Co-Star / Female / African Am /, Black, heavy set, good personality, willing to travel." “Mama Benjamin” will be used three to six months, with pay "to be determined.” "This woman will travel all over the country/world to perform for the RAW brand.” In anticipation of Shelton Benjamin’s mama’s debut on RAW, the time is right for OUR so-called SPORT to take a look back at other famous parents of wrestlers who have left their indelible marks, not just on their children’s lives but on all our lives. Cowboy Bob Orton Hall of Famer Cowboy Bob knows his son Randy better than anyone. He knows as talented a wrestler as Randy is, if he’s ever going to be World Champion again, the young man needs a firm, guiding hand. And if that hand spent twenty years encased in a cast, more’s the better. Cowboy Bob took it upon himself to accompany Randy Orton and back him up in his feud with the Undertaker. What other dad would stand right by his son and face the Dead Man in a casket match, eventually succeeding in locking him in a casket and setting him on fire? And what other dad would scamper and hide under the ring when the Undertaker resurrected himself and played supernatural mind games with his son? Al Wilson One fateful day in 2002, Torrie Wilson’s father visited her backstage at Smackdown. He never left. In fact, he stayed on Smackdown until the day he died. Once old Al Wilson got a look at the Smackdown women’s locker room, he did what any horny old man would do: he chose to never again go home to whoever Torrie’s mother is. Instead, Al fell under the spell of Dawn Marie, who became Mrs. Al Wilson, but not before using the threat of marrying Al as a ploy to have hot lesbian sex with Torrie in a hotel room. In the end, Al’s heart couldn’t handle the ravenous sex drive of his young bride and Al became the first man in wrestling history to be literally fucked to death. It’s how we’d all like to go. Chavo ClassicA good father is someone who doesn’t want to upstage his son. When Chavo Guerrero, Sr. started accompanying his boy on Smackdown, he felt no need to diminish the younger Guerrero by making him use the suffix “Jr.” Instead, Chavo Sr. christened himself “Chavo Classic.” The rest is history, which apparently included his marriage as Chavo Classic would spend his time with fat, middle-aged Hispanic groupies backstage. Finally, Chavo Classic’s brief WWE career also became history when he no-showed some house show appearances and got fired. Paul Bearer Is it any wonder Kane is all screwed up? He hardly had the best role model as his father was Paul Bearer, that morbidly obese grotesque who had Kane raised in a mental hospital until he was ready to become a pro-wrestler and attack his half-brother the Undertaker. Except for a few fleeting months as his manager, Bearer was mostly absent from Kane’s life, spending most of his time either managing or trying to kill the Undertaker. Nor was Kane around for his father’s final demise, when he was buried in concrete by the Undertaker last year. Kane, like us, probably didn’t give a shit and is happy to see Paul Bearer gone for good. Judy Bagwell If there’s one thing roided-up, flaming homosexual Buff Bagwell needed to complete his image, it was his fat old mother Judy showing up on Monday Nitro. Judy eventually took her son’s place as a WCW tag team champion with Rick Steiner and later was involved in a feud between Buff and Kanyon, which culminated in a Judy Bagwell on a Pole Match. Somehow, Judy was able to watch her son prance around in his airbrushed tights and top hat and not feel deeply ashamed or disappointed. Judy Bagwell proves the point of a mother’s love. Stu and Helen Hart Whenever Bret and Owen Hart had a big pay per view match in the mid-90’s, they could always count on their parents Stu and Helen Hart to be at ringside cheering their boys on. By cheering, we mean sitting there, Helen with her face frozen in a smile and Stu looking pasty and comatose. Perhaps the pivotal moment where Stu and Helen Hart changed the course of wrestling history was at Survivor Series 1994 when Stu was the corner man for Bret’s submission match with Mr. Bob Backlund. When Bret was locked in a crossface chicken wing, a tearful Owen pleaded with his mom to get Stu to throw in the towel. Stu refused because he had to enforce the life lesson that if a man has to have his arm broken to retain a World Title, then so be it. When Helen could no longer bear to watch Bret suffer, she threw in the towel and gave the WWE Title to Backlund, which was what heel Owen wanted all along. Stu and Helen weren’t just old, they were also really dumb. Jerry Lawler’s Mother Jerry "The King" Lawler hated Bret Hart for a lot of reasons and one of them was that Helen Hart was old. The King had a good point. Bret Hart and Jerry Lawler squared off at the first In Your House pay per view in 1995, which was on Mother’s Day. To celebrate the occasion, The King brought along his mother, whom he promised to be “sixty years younger” than Helen Hart. Sure enough, Jerry Lawler’s mother was a hot, young brunette. Bret foolishly dedicated the match to his mother and lost, embarrassing himself and Helen while the King celebrated in his mother's arms. Although Jerry Lawler’s mother hasn’t been seen since, we’ll never forget her. She was wrestling’s original MILF. The Big Show’s Dead Daddy The Big Show achieved his lifelong dream when he won the WWF Title at Survivor Series 1999, but he couldn’t enjoy his success because his father passed away. Someone who did enjoy Show’s father passing away was the Big Boss Man. Boss Man taunted Show over his dead daddy and committed one of the vilest acts in wrestling history when he showed up at the funeral and attacked Big Show. Using a tow truck, Boss Man absconded with Show’s dead daddy, as Show hopelessly tried to stop him by surfing on the casket. Now that Boss Man is also dead we’d like to think he’s making fun of Big Show’s dead daddy in wrestling heaven.
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