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June 2, 2006
You're charging how much for Balls?! I'm playing the WWE Fantasy Game again. Lance Jr. did what I failed to do and won the last two seasons back to back. I didn't play last season but now I figure it's time to win my Fantasy belt back and keep the Jr. from being a three-time, three-time, three-time Fantasy Champion. At the very least, as numbers one and two, we can lord over The-W league like we did two seasons ago. Complicating this season of the game is the fact that ECW has been added. This means a third show to monitor and draft from. On one hand, it's cool to have ECW because the game had become more irritating to play with the increasingly-expensive rosters of just RAW and Smackdown. Having a third show means more diverse rosters for each player instead of what had been a regular occurrence: most people drafting nearly identical rosters with one or two variables depending on taste and expense. On the other hand, a third show with more wrestlers is a problem because the salary cap remains at $30 million. That means much harder choices have to be made in drafting each week. $30 million really doesn't go a long way at all if you're trying to have some main eventers from every show on your roster each week. They need to raise the cap to $50 million, $40 million at the very least. Compounding the problem of the $30 million salary cap is the fact that the ECW roster is ridiculously overpriced . Jerry Lawler would complain that an ECW “wannabe” shouldn't be worth the same or more than a bona fide WWE Superstar and I'd agree with him. Personally, I think we should be able to draft the lower dreg ECW guys for the same amount they'd make in real life: $20. Another big question is whether or not the rules for getting points via the use of foreign objects will be applicable in ECW. Currently, foreign object points count in the game unless they are inherent to a specialty match. If the rules stay the same, ECW could become a foreign object points bonanza. Here's the current breakdown of what each wrestler in the game for all three brands is worth. The current brand affiliation is subject to change since there's going to be some switching going on when the draft lottery starts this summer. In addition, more characters will be added to all three brands over the next few weeks, some tonight on Smackdown, so this listing will grow. But this is where everyone stands as of this week. $5-million Hulk Hogan (RAW) Hogan and Austin only make a couple of appearances a year. They're worthless the rest of the time, yet they continue to be listed as part of the RAW roster. Whoever the WWE and World Heavyweight Champions are at the start of each season of the game (Cena and Rey in this case) automatically cost $5-million. The crappy part is all salaries are fixed for the entire season so if they drop their belts, their salaries don't go down to reflect this. Shawn Michaels has a knee injury and might be gone for half of the summer so he's out for drafting. $4-million Batista (Smackdown) Here's my big bone of contention: The ECW guys are ridiculously expensive. You're telling me Tommy Dreamer and the Sandman are worth as much as Batista or Edge or Kane? That's absurd. The pricing seems to reflect their status within ECW as top guys but I've only got $30-million to spend each week and $4 million is too much for the Sandman, no matter how much I love that drunk bastard. If Rob Van Dam beats John Cena and declares himself the ECW World Champion (and you know it's gonna happen), he's a much better way to spend $4-million than any of his ECW cronies in this category. Batista is somewhat of a bargain now. When he returns he's automatically a main event player and in all likelihood they'll put the World Championship right back on him and kick Rey Mysterio aside as soon as they can. Chris Benoit will be out with injuries indefinitely and thus should never be drafted. Since there's another Kane walking around RAW now, I wonder if they'll put him in the game and charge the same salary as the original Kane? Mick Foley, meanwhile, is almost always a poor drafting choice. Mrs. Foley's Baby Boy hasn't won a match in years. He's probably the most expensive and high profile jobber in the business (not counting Rey Mysterio, the World Heavyweight Champion who has lost more matches than he's won since WrestleMania.) $3.5 million Bobby Lashley (Smackdown) MNM were WWE Tag Team Champions when the game started but given their current status: Mercury off the road for failing the drug test and Nitro as a jobber on RAW, they're no longer worth their $3.5 million salaries. Speaking of failing the drug test, Chris Masters will be off TV for a while too and isn't worth drafting, a far cry from a last year when he would win the Masterlock Challenge specialty match each week and rack up points. Lashley, the new U.S. Champion, won't lose very much until he drops the belt and he's a good bet each week. The Great Khali will probably not lose a match until the Undertaker finally beats him, whenever that will be. Khali doesn't wrestle each week, though, which is a blessing, so he's usually not a safe choice for drafting. $3 million Axl Rotten (ECW) Three million dollars each for Axel Rotten and Balls Mahoney? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. How the hell are either of those two fat slobs worth three million? Umaga is going to be undefeated until further notice and he wins a squash match every week so he's usually the first guy to draft when making a roster (which is sad. Fucking Umaga, of all people.) The Boogeyman seems to have disappeared, which means he's not worth drafting. I hope he stays gone, I hated that guy. Finlay wins a lot nowadays and is always worth considering. Gregory Helms is the Cruiserweight Champion but the cruiserweights usually get left off of Smackdown so he's not a safe choice. Matt Hardy never wins while Mark Henry hardly ever loses, both of which are inexplicable. Mickie and Trish are the most expensive of the Divas; Trish was always worth drafting when she was Women's Champion since she never lost but until she comes back from her shoulder injury to wrestle, her $3 million salary isn't worth it. Mickie isn't quite that safe a bet but she's worth picking if she's defending the belt. $2.5 million CW Anderson (ECW) The Spirit Squad can be the best bargain in the game. They tend to main event RAW and wrestle in handicap and specialty matches, as well as World Tag Team Title defenses, which means gambling on drafting all of them can spell big point totals. Everyone else on this list is a crapshoot; odds are they're not going to win matches even if they manage to get booked on RAW or Smackdown to wrestle. $2.5 million seems to be a bit pricey for Melina. $2 million Brian Kendrick (Smackdown) A whole lot of (mostly Smackdown) crap can be had for $2-million each. Brian Kendrick and Paul London, the current WWE Tag Team Champions, can be miracle bargains, but the flip side is half the time, they'll be sent to Velocity and you end up being screwed for $4-million for both since Velocity and Heat don't count for points. A lot of these guys haven't been seen on WWE television for months: Eugene, Lance Cade, Hardcore Holly, Renee Dupree, Rob Conway, Sylvan. They're never worth drafting. Tatanka is a weird dark horse as he's in the middle of a strange push of sorts. $2-million is too much for Jonathan Coachman, who is just a GM stand-in, especially when Theodore Long is worth $1 million as Smackdown GM. The rest of these guys are just Heat and Velocity regulars, making them virtually worthless. Lita rarely wrestles anymore and $2-million for her can be better allocated elsewhere. $1.5 million Armando Alejandro Estrada (haha, RAW) This tends to be the price category for managers and Divas, always good choices for a few points when you're trying to round out your roster with inexpensive picks. Beth Phoenix is the best bet here as Mickie James' new nemesis since she's a wrestler and she probably won't lose for a little while. The other Divas are worth drafting if they're booked to wrestle. Val Venis is out indefinitely on the DL, Scotty 2 Hotty is almost never on Smackdown and won't win even if he is. Stacy Keibler's presence on the active roster is a joke. She hasn't been on WWE TV in the last five months and will be an ex-employee in July. The ECW Divas are worth keeping an eye on down the line. $1 million Danny Basham (RAW) The Bashams haven't been seen in many months. Same with Steven Richards, who pretty much disappeared last summer with the bWo. Who the hell is Johnny Parisi? Never even seen him. Shelton Benjamin's Momma hasn't been seen since before WrestleMania and is dead as a character, she shouldn't even be on here. The only people here worth the million bucks each week are Sharmell and Paul Heyman, unless Jillian and Krystal are booked to wrestle. $500,000 Chloe (RAW) You can draft Torrie Wilson's dog if you have the half million to spare. I've never done that. I'm not gonna waste the money on that bitch in the same way Lance will never spend money on drafting Mark Henry. However, I suggest they also add Finlay's leprechaun to this list. A fighting midget in a leprechaun suit is worth a half mil. Visit Head Butts and scroll down for my previous rantings on the WWE Fantasy Game. |
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