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December 19, 2006
I Heart Three Hour RAW 'Heart' is overstating it, but there's no emoticon for 'enjoyed much and tolerated the rest of'. For once the heels went over strongly. I'm sick of incompetent heels and dominant babyfaces. Finally DX got their invincible asses handed to them. There hasn't been a good beatdown of babyfaces in a while. Yeah, Flair took a conchairto a couple of weeks ago, but his beatdown mostly 'happened in the locker room.' Edge and Orton finally stood up to DX and systematically dismantled them in brutal fashion. It's especially enjoyable to see Triple H take two conchairtos and leave puddles of blood all over the announcers' table. When was the last time the mighty Triple H was humbled like that?** Edge and Orton should have gone all the way Sheiky: Break his back, fuck his ass, make him humble. Bonus points for both members of DX Funking it after their beatdown. And an extra point for how Triple H flew into the announcers' desk, landing on top of J.R. and the King and killing the audio for the rest of the show. It added that extra oomph of realism. (Hmm, with all these points, they could be in the lead for the PCS right about now.) Edge was awesome. This was his best night in forever. He was brilliant as the cunning coward who spent half of the interminably long battle royal outside the ring, picking his spot to get the cheap win. He was even better in there against Cena for the WWE Title. They had probably their best match ever, both busting out moves like a Rings of Saturn variation and a top rope Rocker Dropper. And again, Edge lead Orton in killing DX. Edge is my hero, the man I live wrestling life vicariously through, my favorite WWE Superstar who doesn't wear a crown and speak in a faux British accent. For a few fleeting moments I even stopped missing the pair of breasts that used to shadow Edge at ringside. Johnny Nitro even looked good. For once he wasn't a long limbed ping pong ball in the ring. He and The World's Greatest Tag Team took the Hardys apart and looked strong (except for the roll up finish. Shelton should have hit the T-Bone for the pin instead of hooking Matt's pants.) Listen, I like the Hardys just fine, but I like seeing them get their asses handed to them even more. Victoria vs. Mickie James was ridiculously good. They can both bring the violence. Victoria seems to be the one Diva on RAW who can successfully negotiate Mickie's low center of gravity (I'm saying she has a big heavy ass) and toss her around at will. It's weird seeing Mickie play babyface in peril and fight from underneath, but like Edge and Cena, they both impressed by busting out some new moves in there. Victoria's list of Divas she's tearing through is the coolest little prop of the year. Carlito even bled like a Nature Boy. Getting busted open hardway and erupting blood like a geyser is cool. Sylvester Stallone is very humble. It must be because of his good Christian values. He must also obviously remember 1982 well, when Thunderlips broke his back and fucked his ass. I forget everything else on the show and it didn't need to be as long as it was, but if WWE gives us more RAWs that well-put together, it'll go a long way to my giving a shit again in the 07. Just two more weeks until K-Fed is dead. K-Fed must die so Kevin Federline can live. Tony Schiavone: "And he means it." ** In retrospect, I sensed something was going to wrong for The Game when he arrived sans-Lemmy mustache. Without his magic mustache, his aura of invincibility was diminished.
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