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April 2, 2007
All Grown Up WrestleMania 23 is in the books. Everything I expected to be good was good and everything that looked like it would suck did. I called the winner of almost every match. The ECW Originals beating the New Breed was the only finish that surprised me but besides that nice change of pace, I was 7-1 for predictions. Everything went down as I had forseen. Not only was I almost perfect in my predictions, I came in 18th worldwide in the WWE Fantasy game. My highest finish ever, and I started the season in the dumps. I was ranked in the 1000s ten weeks ago and I climbed my way into the top 20 worldwide. Unfortunately, it wasn't good enough to claim a top 10 ten finish and free WWE tickets. Still, a top 20 finish worldwide isn't too shabby. In trading WrestleMania predictions, my friend Bill said he was rooting for Ashley to win the WWE Women's Title. Ashley?! She's one of the worst "wrestlers" I've ever seen. No athletic ability whatsoever. She's terrible. And she has skinny chicken legs. Of course, she's my MySpace friend and I don't have the heart to tell her she sucks (unlike Lance who did just that on her MySpace). Although I enjoyed Ashley's Playboy photos. But her "effort" last night and the match were a complete waste of time. They didn't even sell the Lumberjill stipulation and do the spots where each girl gets tossed back in by their opposing side. That match had no redeeming value whatsoever. At least Melina retained at WrestleMania. The right girl won. Unexpected bright spots included MVP, who made me a fan. I was already starting to dig him these last few weeks but he really stepped up his performance. He was in there with Chris Benoit, and you can't ask for more than having one of the best wrestlers in the world to work with, but MVP showed me some star quality. And I can't get his fucking music out of my head. I'M COMIN'! I didn't expect to see Tara Conner with Donald Trump, nor did I expect her to look hotter than the fifty million Divas in the company. If Tara Conner wants an exciting new career where there will be no pressure to drink or do drugs *ahem*, please consider becoming a WWE Diva. I also certainly never expected Stephanie's infant daughter to be holding a video camera so we could have a frontal shot of her crazy grandfather making goo goo noises. The most unexpected of all for me was Batista. He was great. He was motivated; Batista acted like if he didn't keep moving in there, Vince McMahon was gonna shoot his wife, child, and dog. He more then held up his end of the match. Nobody wanted to see him win. The "If Taker Loses We Riot" sign in the crowd summed up how the 80,103 would have reacted if Batista ended The Streak, but man, he was good. That was his best performance since his matches with his "good friend Paul." Undertaker and Batista should have gone on last. That's my main quarrel with the show. John Cena is The Man now. I get it. It's never been clearer. He is the undisputed top dog. He's the future of the company. Point made loud and clear. I understand Cena and HBK were expected to tear the house down, which they did. But Undertaker and Batista had themselves a classic WrestleMania match in the tradition of Warrior vs. Hogan and Rock vs. Hogan. I could watch Taker Tombstone and pin Batista over and over. Undertaker closing the show with the World Title would have sent me home happy. Watching Shawn Michaels, who never, ever submits, tap to the wiggerlock felt like a million pitchforks stabbing me right in the heart. My greatest fear is that they will do Undertaker vs. Cena next year. I will have to sit there in the Citrus Bowl with 75,000 people and watch John Fucking Cena end the Undertaker's WrestleMania undefeated streak. That would probably drive me completely insane. Road to WrestleMania 23 March 27, 2007
Last RAW Before WrestleMania 23 I love how in the last three weeks, Batista and Undertaker's method of showing how much the other displeases them is to throw someone at each other. Finlay was the designated sack of shit on Smackdown but HBK made an even better projectile on Batista. I liked how Orton and Kennedy have matching tribal tattoos along their upper backs and shoulders. I also liked how Kennedy was really pleased with their win while Orton didn't want to have anything to do with any more cameraderie between a fellow heel.
Maria looked incredible. It was great to see Jillian on RAW, even if she had to job to Ashley. Every time Ashley did ANYTHING, it was cringe inducing. She's so hesitant and awkward, she's like a time bomb waiting to go off and break a bone in there. She also has the skinniest chicken legs this side of Marcy, the Bundys' next door neighbor on Married... With Children. Why doesn't she wear kneepads? Not wearing knee pads in the ring is a pet peeve with me. Actually, I don't mind Ashley but I'm critical of her wrestling because she shouldn't be put over Melina. Ashley's nowhere near good enough to be Women's Champion. February 6, 2007
Good RAW last night. Good. No buts, no caveats, just the first RAW in months that had my interest from start to finish and made me care about a lot of the wrestlers again. I barely fast forwarded through any of RAW, except commercials. This has so far been the best build to WrestleMania in a few years. The logic of HBK coming down immediately after Undertaker made his choice was spot on, as were Orton and Edge following right after to make their claim at the main event spot. Cena was also interesting when he pointed out he wanted Edge to win so he'd have a relatively easy night at WrestleMania against someone he has beaten before, as opposed to an X-factor like Shawn Michaels. This was good, character-based writing all around. That was almost as good as Ross's "John Cena's comin', COMIN' RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!" from two weeks ago, which is the front runner for Best Comment at the OUR so-called SPORT Year End Awards. No Trump, no Khali. Can't complain. Smackdown last week was pretty good too, come to think of it. I don't remember much about it but I do recall not fast forwarding as much as usual and liking whatever it was I saw. Someone must be brewing competent juice and Creative is gulping it down because WWE is starting to turn their sinking ship around and slowly walking to dry land. January 30, 2007
Holy shit, for the first time in years the road to WrestleMania started out compellingly and unpredictably instead of tediously and rote. Shawn Michaels and John Cena winning the World tag team titles last night was reminicent of when Michaels and Stone Cold Steve Austin beat Owen Hart and The British Bulldog to become tag team champions a decade ago. Cena and Michaels can't trust each other but they're tag team champions now so they have to figure out how to get along for the time being. It's an old chestnut that worked well then and should work again today. Undertaker vs. HBK at the Rumble and now this -- it really is 1997 all over again. (Not that I'm complaining, I'm enjoying the '97 rewind stuff a hell of a lot more than the 2007 stuff in the company.) This mild euphopia will likely dissipate the very second Vince McMahon stomps, arms flailing, into ECW for the very first time tonight. I hope he urinates in the ring. He might as well do it literally and not just figuratively. |
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