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January 8, 2008
RAW Roulette
Welcome to RAW Roulette, where we spin the wheel to make the deal - sometimes on camera. Otherwise, we spun it backstage. Trust us. Enjoy two guys dressed like each other even though their costumes are virtually identical.
I'm 100% behind this Jeff Hardy push. Jeff has really stepped up his game noticably, and his promos are far more passionate and convincing than ever before to boot. He'll never be a great talker but the writers keep his words simple and he's delivering just what he needs to deliver on the mic. That Whisper in the Wind was insane. I don't "Holy shit!" much anymore watching WWE (unless it's "Holy shit, this show is terrible") but I was floored by Hardy's attempted suicide. I hope he gets the WWE Title. Even for a short reign, like what Edge got in 2006 - a monthlong "test the waters" run, lose it back to Randy Orton, with the blueprint of regaining the title for a longer run later in the year. I hope neither Jeff nor WWE blow this opportunity to get Jeff Hardy over the top. The thing I like best about the first three months of the year in WWE is this is the time when the glass ceiling gets cracked and one or two guys who have been deserving of a push to main event status get the opportunity.
I'm shocked and bemused that Kennedy is suddenly being booked as competent. Two weeks in a row the RAW writers actually made Kennedy cunning and devious and effective, outsmarting and outmaneuvering Shawn Michaels.
Charlie Haas in a mask = Blue Blazer number 2. The second someone mentions rappelling from the rafters, Charlie should ask for his release.
Oh good, Ashley's back. Ashley's back, everybody! Ashley! The Women's Division won't suck now that Ashley's back. Getting the same haircut as the killer from No Country For Old Men was a bad idea for her.
Why couldn't they send Beth Phoenix out there to demolish all those Divas after their lingerie pillow fight was over? My interest in sex was already catered to, so why not follow up and satisfy my interest in violence?
Bloody William Regal and JBL whipping Chris Jericho like government mule is violent enough, I suppose.
Good 1st RAW of 2008. Can't wait to see Ric Flair and Snitsky in HD in two weeks.
August 28, 2007
The View From The Club Seats
Looking around at the crowd from our club seats at TD Banknorth Garden last night, Lance Jr. and I agreed: our time has come and gone. We'd known for a while now, but things have really changed. The 15,000+ selling out the Garden was composed of families, parents and children. Oh there were adults, but they were blips and dots in a sea of children in John Cena shirts and last year's DX shirts. It was a very different crowd from the one at Summerslam just last year, when the more adult crowd was vehemently against Cena and cheering Edge to a successful WWE title defense.
This is the WWE audience now. They're young, they're energetic, and they're happy just to see their hero, John Cena. They're not as demanding or cynical as someone like me, who's seen 21+ years of wrestling and gets annoyed a lot more easily at WWE Creative. It's so different from say, the crowds ten, or even five, years ago. Back then there were kids of course, but the ruling crowd majority were males in their late teens and twenties looking for violence and sex and maybe even violent sex. We were the offspring of the original ECW and the WWF Attitude era.
And where did all of these girls come from? I was sitting next to a very hot teenage girl who bounced out of her chair for John Cena. I'd thank Cena for bringing a brand new audience of very attractive girls to the shows but what good does that do me? These girls are half my age and they were brought to the arena to see wrestling because of their love for a guy I don't have a whole lot of complimentary things to say about. Male fans my age really got gyped. Back in the day, we almost never saw girls at wrestling shows and they were never this attractive. No, when I was their age, the people surrounding me in the crowd were mostly drooling retards. None of them were hot.
I'm at the strapping and hardly ancient age of 32, but as a wrestling fan, I may as well be a fucking dinosaur, and at leacherous one at that. Sitting amongst the young new WWE audience, I have to admit being in the middle of the enthusiastic kids and the bouncy hot girls wasn't an unpleasant experience. They're a well behaved crowd, they're happy to be there, and they're nice. It's so boring how they're nice. They only cheer the faces. They like Cryme Tyme and chant along with their annoying "Money, money, yeah, yeah!" spiel. They don't chant "You fucked up!" at a blown spot, or "She's a crack whore!" at Queen Sharmell. They don't like King Booker and can't understand why I love the guy and cheered everything he did against Cena. And they were shocked and appalled at Randy Orton kicking John Cena's dad in the head. Me, I laughed and loved it, because I know that something awful always happens to John Cena when he comes home to Boston. If there were more dudes in the audience my age who've been fans for as long as I have, they'd have loved it too. They don't come to the shows anymore though.
I wonder what will happen when the audience John Cena has brought in hits their late teens and early 20's. Will they become cynical and demand a more adult and violent product, I wonder? Will the hot girls still come? One thing's quite likely: Lance and I will probably still be sitting in the club section when WWE comes to town, so when the time comes, we're gonna find out.
August 14, 2007
RAW Idols
RAW mostly rocked for me. I did fast forward past some undesirables like Snitsky and Cryme Time, but what I stayed to see was pretty damn entertaining. And the hot MSG crowd helped make the show.
Stephanie looked great. Listening to her, not so great. Although I did crack up at Vince's "It's all about the mon-ay!" Kennedy being Vince's bastard, if that's who it will turn out to be, is currently the worst kept secret in wrestling. I liked the staredown tease between Vince and Kennedy.
WWE Idol was pretty awesome. It's amazing how much younger William Regal looks now with his poofy pompador than he did just a few years ago. And I like that as GM he's mainly concerned with putting on game shows. He really got into the angry Simon Cowell role.
The SOVIET NATIONAL ANTHEM made me happier than I could have imagined.
As usual, Santino ruled my Monday night. "Time Square is missing, how you say, a filthy prostitute!" "Are you going to rhyme again like on Sesame Street? Looka at me, I'm the Cookie Monster!" " Maria, come with me righta now. I take you to Little Italy. I know a little place." I even like the little rat tail he's growing. I'd love to see a 30 second squash with Ron Simmons spinebusting Santino, which I hope we'll get.
King Booker losing it and breaking his faux British accent when he tried to kill Jerome Lawler was a nice touch.
Main event was great. Ever since JR called Randy Orton a slithering snake a few weeks ago, I've been taking note of his body movements, which are very slithery. Orton even cut a damned good big money promo without stumbling over his words. I loved how Orton was slumped in the corner selling Umaga's ass ram like he was dead. And Carlito trying the backstabber and failing.
Two good weeks in a row. More please.
August 6, 2007
The Dating Game
Every time Vince was on the screen, I felt like Santino: "I am in lots of pain." And it looks like the McMahons will be bringing the pain for a long time.
As happy as I am that William Regal is GM, I'm not as pleased as I should be because for a split second, I thought we were getting Sandman as GM. That would have been a move out of the box! What a shame we got denied a bleeding drunk with a kendo stick making matches and policy. Sandman was the ballsier choice. But then, Sandman wouldn't have booked a dating game on the show.
Santino is the funniest man in the entire company. Everything he says is instantly quotable. To think people were bemoaning his being on RAW at all -- they just needed some time to figure him out. And he wouldn't be as great as he is now if he couldn't claim he was "Intercontinental Champiogne!" From now on, I'm calling everyone a "crepe!" You are a crepe!
I'm sorry, but you are a crepe.
May 22, 2007
RAW Sucked
I wasn't planning on watching RAW at all because of the 24 and Heroes finales but I decided to DVR the second hour in case something important happened. Because apparently there's another pay per view and a Saturday Night's Main Event in less than two weeks.
What an appalling show. I flew through it in less than 10 minutes.
Four Lashley matches? One is too many! Much less three in the second hour. I only watched the one against Shane and I'm thankful my recording ended at 11:05. I don't care that I didn't see how the show ended.
The Timbaland video sucked. Randy Orton sleepwalked through his promo and said nothing of import. Only Cena getting beat up again amused me for a moment.
The top card of RAW has been decimated and yet they refuse to reshuffle the roster to elevate some people and give them a chance to get over. Instead they just fill half the show with Lashley, who's not even on the RAW roster.
I'm sorry I missed the tag team angle in the first hour because Cade and Murdoch continuing to be sportsmen and play by the rules is the only interesting angle on RAW. And I like Johnny Nitro and the World's Greatest Tag Team, all of whom tend to be disposable fodder when they could be big time players.
Terrible.
May 15, 2007
My hero.
Where ever did they find an Indian Eric Bischoff look alike to be The Great Khali's translator? I loved when he was giving Khali the pep talk and then screamed at the top of his lungs, "AAAUGH! JOHN CENA!" For that matter, they've hit something expected with me here: I am incredibly entertained by John Cena getting beat up. Even if it's Khali doing it, I love it. Cena took a couple of nasty bumps and the chokeout was convincing. John Cena could get his ass handed to him every week like this as far as I'm concerned.
After Jeff Hardy beat Trevor Murdoch, I mumbled to myself "Don't turn, don't turn!" I'm glad they didn't. I love Sportsmanship. This is a fun angle. Cade and Murdoch need to keep this going and lure the Hardys and the audience into a false sense of security before they finally turn. In the meantime the Sportsmanlike behavior from Cade and Murdoch needs to continue just they way it's going. The big twist ought to be if Cade and/or Murdoch pull off an upset on the Hardys and whether the Hardys will seek a handshake afterwards.
Candice's improvement is really quite evident but let's hear it for Victoria, who deserves a lot of credit for selling for Candice and putting her over. It takes two to tango out there. Victoria bumped and sold like hell to make Candice look good.
Shawn Michaels is incredible. He doesn't actually have a concussion as far as I've heard but he wrestled like he did and sold it all the way through. Beating the new World Champion clean is Time Honored Tradition stuff: the outgoing guy is supposed to lay down before he leaves a territory (brand in this case) as payment to the guys staying behind. Obviously there was no time to do this with Edge before he won the World Title, but losing to HBK doesn't diminish his Edge's bragging rights on Smackdown as long has he has that big gold belt. Having said that, I still don't like the booking.
Didn't care for much else on the show, especially not anything having to do with McMahons, Lashley or Umaga. It's getting to be a broken record.
May 7, 2007
Switching Banks
Edge winning the Money in the Bank from Kennedy leaves the door wide open for him to show tomorrow night and spear Undertaker or Batista to win the World Title.
With Undertaker and Kennedy out for months, Smackdown's roster is severely weakened. Edge coming in would be a shot in the arm. He's a certified main eventer and the only main event heel in the company not named McMahon. Batista can chase him for the big gold belt while Edge adds a certain newness to the show as he hasn't been on the Smackdown roster for five years. It would also go a long way towards me giving a damn about Smackdown. I fucking love Edge.
You know what wouldn't be a bad idea? Turning Ashley heel when she comes back and have her whore it up to be Edge's new girlfriend. Might be good for her too since her character has zero credibility as a tough girl punk babyface and less than zero credibility as a pro wrestler.
Crap show tonight. HBK did the best he could to make the Khali match entertaining. But if Vince McMahon booked the Bible, David would never have beaten Goliath.
Cena vs. Khali? I'll be passing on Judgment Day, thanks.
The last 15 minutes, Edge vs. Kennedy and Orton vs. Cena, was like Vince Russo coming into guest book those two segments.
The Cryme Time skit sucked but especially so because of the end. Shad says he's Batman , hits the fat guy dressed as Spidey with a bat. Then they blew the obvious punchline when JTG stole the wallet -- If Shad's Batman then JTG's "Robbin'."
Maria looked incredible.
May 1, 2007
RAW is like a Box of Chocolates
Jeff and Sean, both lifelong wrestling fans, have reached a point where they no longer watch WWE. Which essentially means they don't watch wrestling because TNA written by Vince Russo blows. They would happily watch if the shows were still good but they're disgruntled. Jeff hasn't watched any WWE programming since the atrocity of December to Dismember. Sean is going to quit for a few weeks as a trial run. I can't say I haven't constantly thought about joining them. I'm also disgruntled. Coming off deliberately protesting WWE's lousy post-WrestleMania product and not ordering Backlash (which apparently turned out to be one of the best pay per views in years), I was surprised at how much I enjoyed RAW last night. All things considered, this was a really good show.
Edge vs. Orton was outstanding. That's the kind of wrestling I like to see, where the two guys look like they're killing each other and are so spent when it's over neither can barely stand. The psychology in the match was excellent. Their selling was tremendous. Orton was better than he has been in months and Edge is clearly the top heel in the business when just being in the ring with him garners Orton face heat and "RANDY!" chants.
I was scratching my head during the Santino Marella interview but the more I thought about it, how the hell would you book him to act? His "aw, shucks, Italia" persona is fitting. He was clearly lucky to beat Umaga for the Intercontinental belt. He doesn't deserve it and he knows it. His line where he says he "won the lottery" is apt. I'm not sure how I feel about him yet, but I'm leaning towards resentment. It's a fine line they have to walk to keep him a babyface. It's possible he's the new Mikey Whipwreck and will keep winning by pure luck. I guess we'll see next week. I hope his dream never ends!
The RVD vs. Umaga match was real good but with Shane McMahon involved, the outcome wasn't in doubt. The McMahons are just killing my enjoyment of the show every second they're on TV. Whatever the point is or will be with Vince McMahon as ECW Champion, all I know is I hate it.
Cade and Murdoch were awesome! I don't recall if I've seen the "heels being sportsmanlike and respecting the guys who beat them" angle before. There are no bigger fans of the Hardys now than Cade and Murdoch. Even Lawler was confused; he was trying to set them up to give heelish comments and even called Jeff Hardy a "long haired pretty boy" but Cade and Murdoch will hear no ill words about a fine athlete like Jeff Hardy. The best part was Cade and Murdoch urging the fans to give Jeff Hardy another round of applause. Awesome. Hardy not shaking their hands in the end was a great touch. It shows he's smart by not falling for their ruse, but yet he looks like a dick for not being sportsmanlike. I hope this continues further and isn't blown off right away.
Barring injury or unforseen events, what a cool move for Ken Kennedy to announce his cashing in Money in the Bank at WrestleMania 24. I plan on being at the Citrus Bowl and I'm already looking forward to it. The jab at Edge for being cowardly last year in cashing in his Money in the Bank was good foreshadowing of a possible face turn that is clearly being considered for Kennedy. This also means that Kennedy won't have to compete in the Royal Rumble. Staking out his spot in the main event at WrestleMania was petty shrewd, I thought. Let's see if he actually makes it.
In the negatives, Carlito's heel turn was retarded, just as his whole angle with Flair has been. That was some turn, with Flair immediately getting the upper hand and running him off. Carlito had weeks to plot how to turn on a 60 year old man and hardly got any licks in on him. Stupid. The World's Greatest Tag Team are still being wasted and Johnny Nitro is being totally misused.
Meanwhile, Candice Michelle is noticably improving in the ring. It takes years to become a good wrestler but Candice is showing some unexpected aptitude and athletic ability. The extent to which Candice can bump is still questionable but the speed and precision with which she's executing moves is eye-opening. You can see she's serious about being a wrestler and she surprisingly has talent. Mickie vs. Melina at Backlash was the match that should have been held at WrestleMania but it looks like if even Candice had been put in that spot it wouldn't have been the embarrassment that Melina vs. Ashley was.
Maria looked incredible.
The mystery of who was attacking John Cena's archrivals was a cool throwback to similar previous angles. My favorite is always going to be "Who ran over Stone Cold ?" when Jerry Lawler accused Jim Ross, claimed he had to "go to the bathroom", went backstage and sold him out to the cops. Going by the process of elimination of "Who haven't we seen tonight that's on the roster?", The Great Khali was the most likely choice. I have to say Cena's facial expressions when he's surprised/worried/intimidated are very good. I also like when Cena's "I don't back down from a fight" bravado bites him in the ass. I hate Khali as much as the next guy but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy watching John Cena get beat down. It looks like Khali will temporarily distract Cena for a week or two while HBK, Edge, and Orton settle amongst themselves who the real number one contender is. Meanwhile, John Cena will get to look like Superman again when he somehow overcomes Khali and gives him an FU. And that's how you sell T-shirts to 12 year old boys and 15 year old girls.
WWE is frustrating in all kinds of ways. What's weird about WWE right now is going by what's on paper, everything sounds terrible. But it isn't, or wasn't last night at least. I expect a good show, I get shit. I tune in dreading what I'm about to see and they put out a winner. You just never know with them anymore. They're a fucking box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
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