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August 26, 2007

Biggest Shitstorm of the Summer

Ow! My ass! After what Vince McMahon and WWE did to it tonight, I don't know when I'll be able to sit down again.

I thought Summerslam looked bad on paper, but holy shit, I never could have imagined how much worse watching it live would be like. There was nothing redeemable about that show. The only people who could have possibly found something to like about that show spent the weekend shopping for Trapper Keepers and #2 pencils for the first day of school. They're the only ones who got their parents' money's worth. Or their babysitting money's worth. And I suppose John Morrison's mom is happy.

I'm reeling from the contempt they showed the rest of the audience over 14. All three World Title matches were abysmal. The ECW Title match was booked to be shorter than a comparible Women's Title match on other pay per views. The leaner, meaner Triple H and the fatter, silver Rey Mysterio didn't exactly wow anyone with their comebacks. But the Batista vs. Khali match -- holy shit, man. Holy shit.

That was the kind of show that kills a town. Hell, in the old days, that show would have killed a territory.

And I'm live at RAW in Boston tomorrow night. Ooh, I can't wait. I'd rather watch the fucking dog show at this point.

August 21, 2007

The Summerslam Games

Not the most inspiring card for this year's "Summerslam Games." Actually, on paper, the card kind of blows. But when one considers that just six weeks ago, Summerslam was going to feature the cast of Jackass vs. Umaga, things don't look so bad anymore. It's all about perspective.

Predictions:

Divas Battle Royal: The company seems very intent on the Candice-can-wrestle experiment and she's not doing badly. Plus, they already set up "glamazon" Beth Phoenix staking her claim on RAW. Phoenix gets the shot at Candice.

ECW World Title: John Morrison is another company experiment whereas CM Punk seems like a stone in Vince McMahon's shoe. Punk should win to get some needed credibility for himself and the ECW Title. I'll believe it when I see it. Morrison retains.

United States Title: MVP has a heart condition so Matt Hardy finally wins a singles heavyweight title. I'm dreading his MySpace blog about it, I'll tell you that much. Matt really bugs me for some reason.

Intercontinetal Title Triple Threat: Both Kennedy and Carlito need that belt more than Umanga. The reason to book such a match is to get the belt off the invicible babyface without him actually losing. Kennedy wins the IC strap, says his name loudly more than once.

Rey Mysterio vs. Chavo Guerrero. Any outcome other than Rey winning his comeback match is insanity.

King Booker vs. The King of Kings: See above.

World Title match: Batista, like Punk, needs to win. I need to see that belt off of Khali for my own sanity so I hope Batista wins. But Khali will retain. Because Vince hates me.

WWE Title match: I had hope Randy Orton would end the John Cena stranglehold on the WWE Title, but given how strongly he's laid out Cena this week, booking 101 says Cena avenges all that and retains. Another FU from Cena to me.