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January 9, 2005TROJAN MAN
Jeff: USC won the national college football championship in a game I was only vaguely aware was taking place. Pete Carroll couldn't be more pumped or jacked. Good for them. Rob: Indeed. EVER SO CLOSERob: The Randy Johnson saga inched a little bit closer to its conclusion after Bud Selig approved the trade and granted the Yankees a 72 hour window to negotiate a contract extension with the Big Unit. By now, everyone's pretty sick of this story, especially Yankee fans, who are eager to project their 2005 rotation with him in it. Most of them have already gone ahead and penciled him in, and are already talking about what he'll do for the team this year. My favorite piece of speculation has to be the Who Does the Unit Knock Down First thread on www.nyyfans.com. In the poll, David Ortiz has a comfortable lead, but there's strong feeling for Jason Varitek, Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon as well. Sentiment for Pedro Martinez is only tempered by the fact that Randy Johnson would have to wait until the Yankees play the Mets in Interleague play. Now, it might just be possible that Randy Johnson doesn't hate the Red Sox as much as Yankees fans do, but I guess we'll find out on Opening Day. Jeff: I know the Yankees have virtually unlimited resources, but if the reports of the contract extension are true, they've gone completely nuts. They're paying Johnson $48 million for his age 41-44 years. I understand Randy's not your average 41 year old, but he is your average 41 year old 6'10" guy in that his knees are shot. The Yankees of next year are going to be exactly like the ones of this year. Depending on the injury situation, I wouldn't be surprised if they won anywhere from 85-105 games. Buster Olney: There's no way this juggernaut won't win 110! Jeff: Do you have any idea how hard it is to win 110 games? Buster Olney: None at all! But I bet it has a lot to do with moving runners over. Rob: Randy ain't getting any younger, and his right knee ain't getting any more cartilage. Jeff: Well, it can't get any less cartilage either. Rob: Good point. I guess that's looking on the bright side. It's not the money the Yankees are throwing around that makes me think this is a bad deal - it's the pitchers. I know Javier Vasquez had a tough second half, and he "can't pitch in New York," blah, blah, blah, but the odds that Javy will be an effective pitcher in each of the next three years are a lot better than the odds that the Unit will be. Jeff: Like all recent Yankee personnel decisions, this one was based entirely on next season without the slightest regard for what happens after that. I’m not one to make blind speculation, but I’m guessing that most of those moves bear the fingerprints of a 75 year old owner who’s terrified that the team won’t win it one more time before he dies. Now all I can think of is Javy Vasquez pitching a World Series winning game against the Yankees, resulting in Steinbrenner’s having a fatal heart attack. Is it wrong that the idea of that happening brought a smile to my face? Dave Winfield: Not at all. UNPATRIOTICRob: The NFL regular season is over, and it's playoff time, which means only one thing: we'll hear announcer after announcer ramble on about nothing but what a winner Tom Brady is, what a genius Bill Belichek is, and how every team in the NFL wants to model their system after the Patriots'. I'm a Patriots fan, but really, let's be serious here. If I hear one more announcer say, "Peyton Manning has the numbers, but if I'm starting a team today, I'll take Tom Brady," I'm going to start watching basketball. Jeff: Did you know Peyton Manning was the fourth highest paid athlete in all of sports in 2004? He must be doing more than just those commercials for the product I can't remember. Peyton Manning: Cut that meat! Cut that meat! Jeff: Yeah, that's the one. And Tiger Woods is tied with some NASCAR guy for number one at $80 million. There's a whole lot I don't know about the money flowing through the sports world. Anyway, Tom Brady is exactly where Derek Jeter was a few years ago. They get so much more credit than they deserve for their team's success that they're actually underrated by a vast number of sports fans. Look at Brady's numbers, he's a very, very good quarterback. He's no Peyton Manning, and Derek Jeter is no Alex Rodriguez, but if you didn't have a future Hall of Famer at his position, he'd be a fine addition to any team. Rob: Tom Brady is Derek Jeter. He's good looking- Tazz: Has a great body, he's a stud! Rob: Is a bit overrated, and has been winning ever since he came into the league. I've always been a little prejudiced against Tom Brady since I was a big Drew Bledsoe fan. Of course, I'd have to have some pretty serious blinders on to not admit that Belichek probably made the right choice back in 2001. I guess I'm just getting a little bored with the Patriots. They win a lot, but they're not that much fun to watch. I basically only find two things about the Patriots entertaining: the severity of Rodney Harrison's late hits, and how animated he gets protesting the flag on his late hits. Jeff: I’m in the same boat. I certainly appreciate the Patriots’ winning ways, but I very much prefer to watch a big play offense. I just find the Peyton Manning or younger Drew Bledsoe style of quarterbacking more entertaining. Seeing a guy throw a 50 yard laser beam through two defenders is pretty fucking cool. Would I trade the winning for a different style of play? Since I don’t care about football nearly as much as I do about baseball, absolutely. THEY LOVE L.A.Rob: In what's possibly the most lampoon-able baseball decision in ages, the Anaheim Angels nee California Angels nee Los Angeles Angels have decided to change their name to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim for some strange reason. Supposedly, the name change will make them more popular in a larger market. I'm not really sure I see that. You could call a team the Rob's Backyard Royals of Kansas City, but it doesn't mean I'm going to run out and buy a Mike Sweeney jersey. Jeff: You know what's the best thing about the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim? It rolls off the tongue. I can see no reason why every announcer won't use the full name every time the team comes up in conversation. You have to wonder how the marketing people the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim got their jobs. Isn't it their place to stop totally retarded ideas from making it out of the discussion phase? It's like they hired WCW's old booking team to run the department. In related news, the Rally Monkey's been replaced by a bomb-toting midget. Big Van Vader: Yeah! Good idea! Rob: Did someone leave the OUR so-called SPORT office door unlocked? I can't imagine the thought process that went into this one. What do people absolutely hate the most about sports? Well, it could be any one of a lot of things, but one thing they don't like is when their local team up and moves. So, why would you simulate that experience for your local fans, but then not actually go to the place you're changing your name to? You alienate your existing fan base, and then you don't even reap the rewards of your new fan base, because those guys aren't even particularly close to where you play your games. Jeff: If they really wanted to cut into the Dodgers’ territory, they should have just changed the name of the team to the “Anaheim Angels Who Aren’t Owned by Frank McCourt but Artie Moreno, Who’s Set Payroll at Number Three in Baseball.” There’s no doubt in my mind that the AAWAOFMAMWSPNTBs would experience a surge in popularity after that one. CHICKEN DANCERob: The Hall of Fame looks more like a zoo this week with the introduction of a Chicken Man and a Ryno. Goose Gossage: Any geese? Rob: 'Fraid not. Andre Dawson: Hawks? Rob: Nope. Bert Blyleven: Bert Blyleven? Rob: Um, no. Anyway, Wade Boggs and Ryne Sandberg were both voted into the Hall this week. Wade Boggs wasn't much of a surprise, but Sandberg made it in after just missing last year. I'm not sure what he did to get better in the past year, but here we are. Ryne Sandberg is one of those guys whose numbers don't look that badass when you look at them through the lens of the late 90's, but actually were pretty damn impressive for a second baseman. Jeff: The 1980s are going to be a difficult time to handle for Hall of Fame voters. There were hardly any great offensive single seasons, and offense as a whole was depressed compared to the 70s and 90s. You really have to compare these guys to their non-chemically enhanced contemporaries. That shouldn't be too hard a job with all the park and league adjusted stats out there, but Alan Trammel will tell you that hasn't happened yet. I have a feeling the writers weren't pouring over the OPS+ columns on baseballreference.com before filling out their ballots. Rob: I love message board conversations where a poster argues that someone should be in the Hall of Fame because his VORP was such-and-such. I wish I had a vote. Actually, we should have a vote, we write about baseball every week. I wouldn't even bother doing any research, I'd just call up www.baseballreference.com and see where the guy falls on the Hall of Fame Monitor. So, basically, my vote would just be Bill James's vote. Bill James: If you can tell me where I ever said that's how I'd vote, I'd be interested to read it. Rob: Wade Boggs is another guy who people aren't as impressed with anymore. I don't really get it. He was the most productive hitter for the Red Sox for most of the 80's, but people around here just didn't like him. The problem was that he was a man before his time. Not only was he an on-base machine before OPS was cool, but he had an affair with Margo Adams before Bill Clinton made banging skanks behind your wife's back cool. Jeff: Boggs is a douchebag. That's not something that should keep him out of the Hall of Fame, but the fact that the Hall had to change their rules about the logo on your plaque because he sold the rights to the Devil Rays is something that probably weighed on a few voters' minds. And seeing him in those hair transplant commercials gives me that same queasy feeling I get whenever I see Pete Rose doing anything. Rob: I actually always really liked Wade Boggs when I was a kid. I remember getting all excited when he hit 24 home runs in 1987. I thought he was going to turn into some kind of slugger (for our younger readers, once upon a time, hitting over 20 home runs in a season qualified you as more than a slap-hitter). Of course, my 11-year old self didn't realize that my mother could've hit 24 home runs in 1987. That was pretty lame about the cap though. With Dave Winfield, I guess I could see him going in as a Padre, but there's really no good reason for Wade Boggs to go in as anything but a Red Sox. It's going to be really interesting to see what the Hall decides for Clemens when he goes in to the Hall of Fame. Assuming he ever retires, that is. Jeff: You’d have to think he’ll mellow down a little bit and back off that promise not to attend the induction ceremony if there’s a B on his cap. That’s the type of thing that can leave a permanent mark on your reputation. “Arguably the Greatest Pitcher of All Time” is better than “Stubborn, Stupid, Petty Little Bitch.” FIVE MINUTE MAJOR, CHOKING
Rob: A Massachusetts man is in trouble after grabbing an 8-year old hockey player by the neck in the middle of a game. He didn't kill the kid, so this isn't the worst thing that's ever happened at a youth hockey game. *sigh* Now, see, if everyone keeps acting up, Mom's never going to give hockey back to the rest of us. Jeff: I found a picture of the choking incident online.
Jeff: I wonder if the referees stepped back and let the two go at it. I hear the guy wasn't looking to hurt the kid, he was just instructing him on the finer points of hockey fighting. If the kid doesn't learn about pulling the jersey over the head now, when will he ever learn? Rob: I don't for the life of me understand why this image of hockey being the "nice guy" sport persists. Fighting is legal, and more or less encouraged. People think of the NBA as being full of dangerous thugs, but the NHL has had more than its share of players go into the stands after fans. Hockey players have been arrested for things they've done to other players on the ice. Danny Heatly's killed more people than Rasheed Wallace. When you think about it, given what happens on and off the ice in the NHL, it shouldn't be all that surprising when shit like this happens, especially since it seems to happen a lot. Jeff: Does a violent sport incite violent behavior in its competitors outside the arenas? It’s tough to say. A lot of those hockey players were coddled, sheltered kids who focused on nothing but their sport and were never held accountable for their actions. Boxers, football players, and basketball players get in a lot of trouble outside the game, but most of them grew up as thugs. If we could get a guest speaker in here… Mike Tyson: I'm the most irresponsible person in the world. The reason I'm like that is because, at 21, you all gave me $50 or $100 million, and I didn't know what to do. I'm from the ghetto. I don't know how to act. One day I'm in a dope house robbing somebody. The next thing I know, 'You're the heavyweight champion of the world.' ... Who am I? What am I? I don't even know who I am. I'm just a dumb child. I'm being abused. I'm being robbed by lawyers. I think I have more money than I do. I'm just a dumb pugnacious fool. I'm just a fool who thinks I'm someone. And you tell me I should be responsible? Jeff: No, Mike. We just kindly ask that you don’t rape us. Thanks. |
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