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February 27, 2005FRONT AND CENTERRob: Last week I reported that the rivalry between the Red Sox and the Yankees had achieved new heights of inanity. At that point, I thought that it had gone about as far as it could go. Silly me. For reasons too complicated and ridiculous to go into here, the Fleet Center has been taking bids for its own naming rights for a day lately. This week, a Yankee fan bid for the rights to name the Fleet Center the “Jeter Center” for one day. His was the high bid, but Fleet Center officials rejected the proposed name as “vulgar,” prompting a Red Sox fan to trump the New Yorker’s bid and name the arena the “Jimmy Fund Center” for a day. While in actuality this whole thing was a lot more lighthearted than some of the news outlets have been making it seem, I think it’s a pretty clear sign that things are spiraling way out of control here in this little corner of the country at the top of the AL East.
Jeff: What were they thinking selling the naming rights to the general public anyway? It's just asking for trouble. Anyone who's willing to spend the cash necessary to win that auction obviously lacks the ability to make a rational decision. And if they can't decide what to do with their money, how could they possibly decide on an acceptable name? They're lucky the winning bid wasn't from "ARod suxx Jeters tiny COCK!! Center."
Rob: The other thing about all this is that it's only the Fleet Center. I think this week's run of Disney on Ice has outdrawn the last month's worth of Celtic's games. What harm would it be to call it the Jeter Center for a day. March 1st, incidentally, when there are no events scheduled at the Jimmy Fund Center. Now, if you were going to sell naming rights to Fenway Park for a day, that would be another story.
John Henry: Hmm, selling naming rights, you say?
Rob: What charity would the proceeds go to?
John Henry: Charity? How about the Paying of My Debt Service Memorial Fund? Does that sound like a worthy cause? Jeff: Selling one day naming rights to anything is totally stupid. They're not going to change the signs on the building or anything; they'll just be using the new name when they answer the phone. So most people calling will think they have the wrong number. And if you've bought the rights, how do you enjoy it? Bother the receptionist all day long? GET MY RELEASE
Homer Simpson: Now comes the easiest part of my job – the cuts.
Rob: For examples A, B, and C of why the NHL Player’s Association is wary of conceding their rights to guaranteed contracts, I give you Jerry Rice, Ty Law, and Mahsid Muhammed. All of these guys were cut this week by their respective clubs. And we’ll probably hear about a few more before the season starts. While the Ty Law decision was a no-brainer, they won a Super Bowl without him while still paying him over $10 million, and Jerry Rice isn’t exactly a spring chicken, football’s still pretty weird being the only sport where teams regularly release their biggest stars.
Jeff: If Jason Stark were a football writer, he'd be creaming his shorts thinking of writing his "All Unemployed Team" column. What's the point of signing a big contract in the NFL? You'll never get the money. At some point your cap hit will be more than your production warrants and you'll get cut. A player might even earn more money on a smaller deal since he has something of a chance of finishing it.
Rob: Except you can always renegotiate your deal. The reason these guys get cut is because they're not willing to do that because they know they can still make their money somewhere else. I don't want to say that taking a hometown discount is stupid, because value can be measured by other factors besides money.
Gene Ozra: Nonsense.
Rob: But you are taking a risk if you do. You can show loyalty to your team, but they're not going to show loyalty to you. You're better off taking the big money where you can, and getting as much of it up front before your skills diminish.
Tedy Bruschi: Renegotiating my own contract, friggin' brilliant. Note to self: Next time I negotiate a contract, provided there is a next time and my cerebral hemoraging doesn't prevent me from ever setting foot on an NFL field again, hire an agent.
ROUND AND ROUND HE GOES
Rob: Okay, maybe I don’t know basketball, but I really don’t get this one. Danny Ainge, who hates Antoine Walker, gets rid of him as soon as he can after he takes control of the Celtics. Then, barely a year and a half later, he goes and gets Antoine back, giving up Gary Payton, who was biggest acquisition thus far as head of the Celtics. But that’s not even the confusing part. It’s being reported that the Atlanta Hawks will release the newly acquired Payton, freeing him to sign with the Celtics. Seriously, I don’t get it.
Jeff: If the Celtics still want Gary Payton and the Hawks are going to release him, why was he even included in the trade? I'd imagine it has something to do with cap room and rules on salaries involved in trades, but I don't care enough about the NBA to find out. The basketball trading deadline gives new meaning to "rooting for the laundry." Take the 76ers - they made two trades and turned over almost half their roster. If anyone watched their games, they'd have no idea what happened to the team.
Rob: The Celtics actually made out in that respect. I don't think anyone knew who was on the team anyway, and if you asked people before the trade, I bet at least one in ten would've included Antoine Walker on the roster. Jeff: That's including the five in ten who couldn't name anyone, right?
YOU BIG DUMMY
Rob: People were shocked this week as a defiant Barry Bonds gave a Spring Training press conference this week in response to the off-season steroid scandal in which he showed no contrition, denied any wrongdoing, and blamed the media and racism for all questions about his integrity. Those who were shocked have probably not been following Barry’s career too closely. What was everyone thinking, he’d show up and surrender his seven MVP’s?
Jose Canseco: Hey, I’m willing to give mine up to Mike Greenwell.
Rob: Do you even have a clue where your MVP award is?
Jose Canseco: Not at all. I’d give him the money I got for the prize too, but Mitt Romney’s keeping a close eye on all my bank accounts.
Jeff: Everyone I talked to hates Barry more than ever now. Not me. How can you hate a guy who calls a press conference, insults everyone there for an hour, and still has them laughing along with him as he does it?
Jeff Kent: It's not so hard.
Jeff: And if the major leagues weren't filled with rednecks, the recliner would be in the other locker, so to speak.
Rob: I just would hate to see the steroid controversy overshadow Bonds overtaking Babe Ruth for second on the all time home run list. It's not like the Babe never cheated. There were always rumors that Babe was part black, and blacks were very clearly excluded from the Major Leagues during his career. Now, I don't think that's very fair. Ty Cobb: Got that right. TEMPLE OF DOOM
Rob: Temple coach John Cheney was suspended for the rest of the season after sending in a bench player to act as a goon and give as many hard fouls as he could in a game against St. Joe’s. The player fouled out in four minutes and broke one of the St. Joe’s player’s arms. I guess Cheney is missing hockey. This is a black mark on the record of a highly respected college coach.
John Calipari: Ahem, another black mark.
PJ Carlessimo: Oh, cry me a river. A sixty year-old man attacked you, what a horror that must have been.
Rob: The suspension seems a little lenient, if you ask me. The regular season is over in a couple of weeks, and Cheney will be reinstated for the conference tournament. It just doesn’t seem to me that sending a guy in to intentionally hurt opposing players is a great example of collegial sportsmanship.
Jeff: Three games is a little light, but what is the appropriate punishment for sending in a kid to act as a hitman? It was a terrible idea, but they say you make bad decisions when you haven't gotten enough sleep. And judging by the circles around his eyes, Don Cheney hasn't slept in about thirty years. Here's a nearly impossible Who Would You Rather Do, Don Cheney or Dick Cheney?
Lynne Cheney: Don.
Jeff: Wow. Really?
Lynne Cheney: He's less likely to die of a heart attack on top of me.
Jeff: That makes sense.
HOW MUCH IS THAT DUCK IN THE WINDOW?
Rob: Disney, thinking that right about now is a good time to divest itself of its professional hockey franchise, has sold the Anaheim Mighty Ducks to some crazy billionaire. Actually, I don’t know if he was considered crazy before, but I assume he is now. To be fair, the price for the Ducks is reported to be between $50 million and $60 million.
John Henry: $60 million?! That would’ve bought me the Green Monster and a couple of Fenway Franks. Jesus.
Jeff: For the money John Henry paid for the Red Sox, he could have bought the entire Smythe and half the Patrick division. Disney's obviously a fan of the "buy high sell low" investment plan. Now's not a good time to own a hockey team, but it's an even worse time to sell one. $60 million for a semi-established franchise? That's like a fifth of what Bud Selig is looking to get for the shell of the Expos. Does anyone in the NHL understand how sad it is that players in other leagues can afford to buy one of their franchises on a couple years' salary?
Mario Lemieux: Not really.
Rob: It has to kind of suck for the new owner right now. It's like getting a new bike for Christmas, you have this really cool toy but you can't play with it yet. Of course, at least when you get a bike for Christmas, you're reasonably sure the snow is going to melt eventually. And the bike probably isn't guaranteed to lose you millions of dollars a year for the foreseeable future.
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