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July 27, 2005
MANNY OF MYSTERY
Rob: Sports Illustrated's Tom Verducci is reporting that Manny
Ramirez recently asked the Red Sox to trade him. Again. It's hard
to say what to make of these kinds of reports. On one hand, it's
a little disconcerting that he keeps on asking to be traded, on
the other hand, it doesn't seem to matter that much. He's still
hitting, and while he's being a surly recluse this season, there's
nothing in his history that says he won't be pleasant and jovial
next season. Or tomorrow. Jesus, he's a weird guy. Obviously, Manny's
not going anywhere any time soon, unless there's a team out there
that wants to take on his enormous salary. It's kind of strange
to demand a trade when your team is going to have to eat a good
portion of your salary if they did move you. "I don't want
to play for you guys anymore, even though you still have to pay
me."
Jeff: Word now is that Manny's upset that someone called the Red
Sox to ask if his wife is pregnant. Hey, that's a lot better than
someone calling his wife directly to make sure she isn't pregnant.
We still don't have the answer to whether the Ramirezes are expecting
their second child, but I'd like to know soon. I'd feel a little
creepy thinking about her while I masturbate if I knew she had a
bun in the oven. Anyway, there's almost no chance Manny gets traded
in the four days before the deadline, or anytime ever. The Red Sox
were only willing to get rid of him if his entire salary were off
the books. There's no way they can get equal value for him if they're
eating $7 million a year. In the old days that was just a Mike Lansing
or Jose Offerman, but the new guys are a lot more concerned with
getting a return on their money.
Rob: You certainly don't want to ask a woman directly if she's pregnant.
What if she's not? How embarassing. You're much better off calling
her husband's work. I wonder if this had more to do with his wife
freaking out about their lack of privacy. I mean, the Red Sox tried
to release him, and then tried to get rid of him while he had to
sit through the biggest non-trade story in baseball history. After
he returned all jolly from the 2003-2004 off season, it's hard to
believe that something silly like a phone call to the Red Sox would
have set a guy as notoriously oblivious as Manny off. Why did anyone
even tell him about the phone call anyway? This never would've happened
if Helen Robinson was still alive.
Jeff: I've given up trying to figure out Manny's mood swings. He's
got a serious bipolar thing going, but on a month to month or year
to year basis rather than day to day. It wouldn't surprise me if
his favorite burrito place's closing set him into a year-long funk.
The guy's just not wired quite right.
BACK OF MATT CLEMENT'S HEAD
Rob: I took a break from watching the ballgame last night for about
twenty five minutes. When I left, Matt Clement was cruising. When
I came back he was lying unconscious on the field. I totally missed
Carl Crawford's come-backer that smacked him upside the head. Thankfully,
NESN was good enough to replay it a few times later. Man, that looked
like it hurt. Still not as bad as Bryce Florie sitting on the mound
sneezing blood though. Still, it's times like this that we realize
what's important: acquiring another front line starter in case any
members of the rotation get injured.
Jeff: That was a tough game to watch. First, they start games in
Tampa at 7:15. Who the fuck does that these days?
Wade Boggs: I agree. They should start the games at 7:30 so everyone
can have their 7:17 stretching session.
Jeff: Shut up. Second, the games from there aren't broadcast in
high definition. Matt Clement should be able to relive his injury
in the finest video quality possible. Third, the Devil Rays get
way too many infield hits. It seems like they beat out every single
high chopper on their rubber infield. Don't they know they're in
the AL East? It's station to station baseball here, boys, get with
the program. And finally, shitty relief pitching on both sides.
Even without the injuries to two of the most important players,
it just wasn't a lot of fun watching that game. As for the injury
fallout, if Clement's vision is okay and he isn't terrified of getting
hit again, he should be fine. The second if is much bigger than
the first, but it's not a completely unreasonable expectation at
this point. If all they need is to get once or twice through the
rotation, Alvarez or Papelbon can get the job done. And Trot's injury
should pave the way for Roberto Petagine to finally get hit shot
with the big team. A Millar injury would have been the preferred
avenue for change, but you take what you can get.
Rob: Oh, the game wasn't all that bad. At the very least, watching
Danys Baez melt down completely and then pump his fist in triumph
was pretty amusing. And how annoyed is Petagine going to be when
Kapler, a guy who failed miserably in Japan, gets his spot on the
big club, when he, a guy who's made a career of mashing in Japan,
cools his heels in Pawtucket for the entire season?
Jeff: Petagine must have parked in Larry Lucchino's spot in spring
training or something. John Olderdude's been done for three years,
Gabe Kapler's never hit anywhere, and Kevin Millar ranks 128 out
of 157 qualified major leaguers in slugging percentage, yet Roberto
can't get a whiff of the majors. I know hitting isn't the biggest
problem for the Red Sox, but not looking to upgrade first base (and
now right field) is like an ugly dude not picking the big hunk of
food out of his teeth. It might not be a big deal, and there are
certainly more pressing problems, but it's easy to do and we're
all sick of looking at that hunk of food struggle to get five extra
base hits a month.
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