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October 5, 2005ALDS Game 1New York Yankees - Los Angelos Angels of Anaheim20:09 - Rob: Aw yeah. Angels-Yankees. It's on. 20:09 - Jeff: Fuck yeah. Chone Figgins is the fucking man. 20:10 - Rob: The only thing sweeter than watching Angels-Yankees is watching Angels-Yankees while secretly downloading porn while my wife makes me sugar cookies downstairs. 20:12 - Jeff: That's hot. You know what pisses me off? Everyone sucking Joe Torre's cock for doing such a great job this year with so many injuries. Those injuries helped the team. There's really no arguing that Small, Chacon, and Wang were better than anyone could expect from Brown, Pavano, and Wright. 20:13 - Rob: Brown! I was trying to think of who their projected starting rotation at the beginning of the season was. I totally forgot about him. 20:13 - Jeff: It was an optimistic projection, but still. 20:14 - Rob: But you're right, Torre doesn't deserve as much credit as Cashman does. And Cashman doesn't deserve as much credit as shit luck does. 20:14 - Jeff: Shit Luck for Manager of the Year. 20:14 - Rob: I like Shit Luck more than I like Ozzie Guillen. 20:14 - Rob: Who was Manager of the Year last year? 20:15 - Jeff: Showalter? Bartolo Colon is so fat. And he's always chewing a huge wad of bubble gum, so it looks like he's eating on the mound. It's disgustingly awesome. 20:17 - Rob: Fat pitchers are awesome. That's why it's so great being a Red Sox fan. 20:17 - Jeff: If only El Guapo had come back. That would have been the best thing that's ever happened. 20:18 - Rob: Wait 'til next year. 20:19 - Rob: Today was a good example of why it's never a good idea to change your schedule to accomodate a baseball game, even a playoff game. I'm awfully glad I didn't blow out of work early for that game. 20:19 - Rob: The worst thing about that would've been how quickly it would have become apparent that it was a bad move. 20:19 - Jeff: Even a bad ballgame is better than work. 20:20 - Rob: Well, sure, but so is sitting around my house playing video games. You have to pick your spots, and today wasn't one of them 20:20 - Jeff: That's why this past weekend was so great. Jackasses were spending $1000 for a ticket and the games all sucked. 20:21 - Rob: Told you you should've sold them. 20:22 - Jeff: It's true. But I needed something to do this weekend. I guess I could have sold them and spent the weekend spending the earnings, but it could have been the last games of the year for me. 20:22 - Jeff: Now I have at least one more. 20:22 - Jeff: Or exactly one more. 20:23 - Rob: I'd be surprised if the White Sox swept. They're not that great, today not withstanding. See how they manage against guys not named Clement or Gonzalez. Or Arroyo. 20:23 - Rob: Sure, there aren't that many guys left... 20:23 - Jeff: That two pitch at bat by Jeter just made everyone else on the team better. 20:24 - Rob: Looking good up there, A-Rod. 20:29 - Jeff: Matsui is very ugly. And he has the biggest earlobes I've ever seen. 20:30 - Rob: And he's probably got a very small penis. 20:31 - Jeff: He and Gary Sheffield probably don't look like the same species showering together. 20:32 - Rob: So far, so good for Colon. He hasn't hit two guys in the first inning, which is something you like to avoid. 20:32 - Rob: Let's see if he can hang in there and not give up five runs. 20:34 - Rob: Not a lot of speed on the basepaths right now. 20:33 - Jeff: Giambi wouldn't score from second on an inside the park home run. 20:35 - Jeff: Better fat guy: David Wells or Bartolo Colon? Wells is the more jovial type, but Bartolo is grosser looking. 20:35 - Rob: I'd have to see them both naked before I made that call. 20:36 - Jeff: I'd give Wells the edge because he pitches in his pajamas. Comfort's a big deal to the big men. - Three run double for Cano - 20:36 - Rob: Colon may just give up those five runs in the first yet. 20:37 - Jeff: Run Derek, run! The TV audience needs to see the top step fist pump. 20:38 - Rob: What's going to be this year's "Who are you working for!"? 20:39 - Rob: My favorite was a few years ago. "His father is the district attorney!" I don't remember what the show was or why it was a problem that his father is the district attorney. 20:39 - Rob: I don't think that show's still around. House is still around though, and I assume someone is still "risking the patient's life!" 20:40 - Jeff: House needs to shave. Either that or grow the beard. He looks homeless otherwise. 20:47 - Jeff: McCarver thinks Vladi has a four-dimensional strike zone, adding an odd time component. "It starts when he gets out of bed in the morning." 20:48 - Rob: If Mussina intentionally walks Vladi, will nyyfans complain that he's being squeezed? 20:54 - Rob: Bubba Crosby is going to curtail his agressive style because it's his first time in the playoffs. What does that mean, exactly? 20:54 - Rob: I don't think Chris Myers reflects much on what he's told. He should really try telling a few knock-knock jokes or something. - A-Rod gets plunked - 20:57 - Jeff: That was sweet. 20:57 - Rob: I like it when baseball makes me chuckle. 20:58 - Rob: That little move where he arched his back and then dropped really made it. 20:59 - Jeff: If A-Rod keeps grimacing like that, he'll get purple lipstick all over his teeth. 21:01 - Rob: Giambi's annoying. Why didn't he just stay dead? 21:02 - Jeff: There are a whole lot of guys in this lineup that Colon can't get out. 21:03 - Rob: So it would seem. This is going to be a long game. 21:05 - Jeff: Especially if Mussina goes into one of his patented fifth inning collapses and Torre needs to go to the middle relief. 21:05 - Rob: Yankee middle relief is pretty sweet. Almost as bad as Red Sox middle relief. 21:05 - Jeff: Not one of those motherfuckers throws strikes. There was no need for Sunday's game to be four hours. 21:06 - Rob: I was just reading Neyer's column. " Among the relievers who won't be pitching for the Red Sox this month: Keith Foulke (46 innings, 5.91 ERA), Jeremi Gonzalez (42, 5.57), John Halama (39, 6.52), Alan Embree (38, 7.65) and Matt Mantei (26, 6.49)." 21:06 - Rob: Jeremi Gonzalez pitched two and a third today. 21:07 - Jeff: Nothing better than mop up guys getting used in the first playoff game. 21:09 - Rob: Am I alone in thinking the Buck Showalter thing wasn't really a big fucking deal? 21:10 - Rob: And how's that going to come back and bite Showalter? What, maybe someday the Rangers will be vying for a playoff spot and the Yankees will tank a pivotal game to fuck him over? - McCarver lists "Boston" among Steve Finley's former teams - 21:11 - Jeff: Steve Finley played for the Red Sox? 21:11 - Rob: I was just wondering about that. I don't believe so. 21:11 - Rob: Of course, to this day I maintain that everyone else is lying to me about Ivan Calderon playing for the Red Sox. 21:12 - Jeff: I'm not lying to you about Ivan Calderon being shot to death in a Puerto Rican bar. 21:12 - Rob: And now I'll never get a chance to ask him. - Finley hits two foul rockets, then a ground rule double - 21:14 - Jeff: Finley was hitting the ball over the wall and there was nothing Mussina could do about it. 21:15 - Rob: A quick perusal of Steve Finley's career reveals that he has not played for the Red Sox. It also shows that he's really fucking over the Angels this season. 21:16 - Jeff: Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens have totally fucked up every general manager's idea of natural aging patterns. 21:16 - Rob: To be fair, Finley's dropoff was pretty steep. 21:18 - Jeff: You still don't give a 40 year old two years, especially at $9 million per. Unless that 40 year old is actually 42 and a big, fat lefty. 21:19 - Rob: And they made Wells sweat for his $9 million. 21:20 - Rob: There should've been a clause in his contract specifying that he had to do the Truffle-Shuffle for his paycheck every month. Though there might be language against that in the CBA. 21:21 - Jeff: That's true. Chunk was on the MLBPA board of directors for a brief time in the 80s. He did some key work in the collusion settlement. 21:21 - Rob: This game sucks, I should've watched Gilmore Girls. 21:22 - Jeff: Could the Angels bring in a reliever to get the third out for Colon every inning? 21:22 - Rob: There should be more line changes in baseball. 21:23 - Rob: What is it about sitting in the first row that makes a fan obsessed with catching a ball? You know you're not supposed to lean over, so why do you do it? 21:24 - Jeff: And why did those classless assholes in Fenway assault Gary Sheffield? 21:25 - Rob: Thankfully, Sheffield shows restraint in those situations. He only takes one swipe at a fan before throwing the ball back in. 21:25 - Jeff: And only screams at and tries to intimidate everyone in the area for a minute or two. 21:25 - Rob: I actually don't mind Sheffield being a dick that much, that's just kind of who he is. But it's funny to hear the Yankee fans explain away his behavior. 21:26 - Rob: 59 pitches through three for Colon. 21:26 - Jeff: 180 pitch CG. Mark it down now. 21:26 - Jeff: The Red Sox would be much more popular in New York than the Yankees. All those Italians and Jews would be huge there. 21:28 - Rob: I can't believe you're bringing up the fact that the Red Sox have Jewish players. You're racist. And, more importantly, classless. - Chone Figgins's profile reveals his favorite movie is Rocky V - 21:28 - Rob: Buck and McCarver are right, that's pathetic. Rocky V, seriously. 21:29 - Jeff: Chone is just as dumb as his name. 21:30 - Rob: His brother's name is Demetrius. Demetrius Figgins. 21:30 - Jeff: Their mother should be arrested. 21:30 - Jeff: Anderson, Sheffield, or Gordon: best black guy pencil-thin moustache? 21:30 - Rob: I'd say Garret's. It's a classic. - Mussina goes 3-1 on a batter - 21:31 - Jeff: MUSSINA'S GETTING SQUEEZED!!!!!!! 21:31 - Jeff: The Angels would have -2 runs if the ump would open his eyes. 21:32 - Rob: He's calling a lot of strikes on the corners which are actually right down the middle. - Commercial: A girl wins $1,000,000 from McDonalds while at a party, and brings her friends to a better party. - 21:33 - Jeff: If I won $1,000,000 from McDonalds, I'd get myself better friends, not take my current ones to a better place. 21:34 - Rob: How far does $ 1,000,000 get you as far as making new friends go? 21:35 - Jeff: At the very least it should get me two girls to do at the same time. 21:35 - Rob: Realistically, that probably costs a lot less in the right places. 21:37 - Jeff: It would be great if one of the prizes were $1000 and a round trip ticket to Reno. 21:37 - Rob: I'd ask of you, Bartolo, that you not walk Jeter. 21:38 - Rob: *sigh* As ever, Bartlolo does not listen to me. 21:38 - Jeff: Two run bomb? 21:39 - Rob: He should hit A-Rod again. Just hit him every single time he comes up until someone ejects him. 21:39 - Jeff: I was thinking that. If his control were a little better tonight, he should try and hit him in the exact same spot. You'll do some serious damage eventually. 21:39 - Rob: Seemed like that was what Pedro was trying to do to Jeter for a few years. - McCarver wonders how he got to be known for being in love with Derek Jeter - 21:40 - Jeff: By sucking Jeter's cock for ten years, Tim. 21:41 - Rob: It's a little disingenuous of McCarver to claim he does gush over Jeter. He can argue that Jeter deserves it if he wants, but it's all on tape, we could put together a video package of Jeter-fellatio if we wanted. 21:41 - Rob: And if we had taped every Yankee game on Fox for the past ten years. - Back to hit by pitches - 21:42 - Jeff: How would history's view of Dennis Eckersley have changed if he had hit Gibson in the knee with a first pitch fastball? 21:42 - Rob: "I can't believe what I just saw! Kirk Gibson is literarly crying out there on the field." 21:44 - Jeff: Vin Scully's calling Eck a "damned son of a bitch" would be the greatest moment in baseball broadcasting history. 21:44 - Rob: Baseball does need more heels. 21:44 - Jeff: And on teams other than the Yankees, too. 21:45 - Rob: That's why I miss Albert Belle. 21:48 - Jeff: Arte Moreno should be entered into the moustache competition. 21:50 - Rob: How often do you hear the words "Hollywood starlets" on a baseball broadcast? 21:50 - Rob: That's what makes McCarver so great. 21:50 - Jeff: How often does someone in their late 70s do color commentary? 21:51 - Rob: How loopy and off topic will Remy be when he's in his 70's? 21:51 - Jeff: Will he have outgrown his giggle-fits by then? 21:51 - Rob: It seems like he's actually growing into his giggle fits, so I don't know if the trend will ever reverse itself. 21:51 - Rob: When do broadcasters enter their prime? 21:51 - Jeff: Let's ask Bill James. 21:52 - Jeff: Did Joe Torre ever look young? 21:52 - Rob: 21:52 - Rob: The answer to your Torre question is not really. 21:52 - Jeff: He looks roided up there. 21:55 - Rob: Huh. Here's one hit for Google image search for "joe torre."
21:56 - Rob: I'm pretty sure I used to have that. In English, of course. 21:56 - Jeff: Search engines still have a long way to go. 21:56 - Jeff: Speaking of old looking dudes, how old must Jim Leyland look now? He was ancient looking when he was 52. 21:58 - Rob: Leyland's pretty gross, actually. I guess hiring the hometown hero didn't work out, so now they're going with this old shithead. Best of luck. Here's a tip though, your managers might be better if Ivan Rodriguez, Magglio Ordonez, or Troy Percival were at all useful. 21:59 - Jeff: I love the general manager's reverse logic: good players are paid a lot of money, therefore if I pay a guy a lot of money, he should be good. 22:00 - Jeff: That's also known as "The Yankee Pitching Staff" 22:01 - Jeff: Sad Brian Cashman. Every time he's on TV he looks like someone just ran over his dog. 22:01 - Rob: This game is kind of boring. Nothing interesting is happening. The coolest thing that's happened tonight has been Colon hitting A-Rod. 22:02 - Rob: Even the commercials are lame. I have no idea what hot new shows are in Fox's new fall lineup. 22:02 - Jeff: I agree. We need a beanball war. 22:03 - Rob: Moose needs to protect his players. He needs to get A-Rod's back. Of course, it's not at all certain that the two of them have ever actually spoken. 22:04 - Jeff: I can't imagine they'd get along. Mussina's an asshole and A-Rod's a douchebag. And as an asshole, I know how much I hate douchebags. - McCarver rambles about calmness, experience, and Bubba Crosby - 22:06 - Rob: What the fuck is McCarver talking about? 22:07 - Jeff: He trying to find a segue into talking about Jeter's calm eyes. 22:08 - Rob: Finley's a good 0-2 hitter, right? 22:08 - Jeff: Good at striking out, yes. 22:08 - Jeff: And let the record show I typed that before he struck out. 22:09 - Rob: I'll turn my timestamp on. - Matsui makes a running catch in foul territory - 22:10 - Rob: What was that I was saying a few days ago about Yankee outfielders not getting to balls? 22:11 - Jeff: Shemp's a lot more like Manny than the Yankee fans want to admit he is. He can get to things you'd never expect him to, and then he'll completely fuck up something routine by running in circles. 22:13 - Rob: So, he's a free agent at the end of the season? He doesn't have to wait six years? 22:14 - Jeff: I wonder what the difference is between a 16 year old free agent from the DR and a 30 year old one from Japan. 22:15 - Rob: The Hispanic kid doesn't have an ariplane named after him before he gets to the big leagues. He has to wait until he's 29. 22:15 - Rob: Matsui was a Yomiuri Giant, right? 22:15 - Jeff: Yes, a Giant. 22:15 - Jeff: I guess it's the difference between signing a major league contract and a minor league one. But does that mean Craig Hansen's only property of the Red Sox for the length of his deal? 22:16 - Rob: I don't really know, to tell you the truth. 22:16 - Rob: I'm pretty sure they control Hansen's rights for the full six major league years. 22:16 - Jeff: That's it. I'm taking a night class in sports contract law. 22:17 - Rob: I hear that class spends three weeks just on "options." 22:19 - Jeff: It might be an agreement with the Japanese leagues. But that doesn't explain the Cubans. And it doesn't have anything to do with age, because Lou Merloni will still have minor league options three years after he's retired. 22:19 - Jeff: Who the fuck knows? 22:19 - Rob: Another example of why being a major league GM is a tough job. 22:20 - Rob: Will Orlando Cabrera do something so we can talk about this game? 22:20 - Jeff: No. 22:20 - Rob: Huh, look at that, the Yankees are playing a 10pm game. I thought they always got the EST primetime games. 22:21 - Jeff: More anti-Yankee bias. 22:22 - Rob: I hope they bring in Small and he gets fucking rocked. 22:23 - Jeff: How is this fucking game over two hours old? Nothing's happened. 22:23 - Rob: I think they actually started close to eight too. 22:23 - Rob: Wow, we picked a good game to do this, huh? 22:24 - Jeff: Again, never plan anything around a single baseball game. 22:25 - Jeff: It's big of McCarver to question Mussina's pitch selection after the opposite field single. 22:25 - Rob: The great thing about baseball is that there's always a chance you'll see something you've never seen before. However, most times you just see a run-of-the-mill game. 22:28 - Rob: Hasn't the foreign guy from That 70's Show been in the country for, like, seven years? You'd think he'd be at least moderately familiar with baseball by now. 22:28 - Jeff: John still doesn't know shit, and he's been around for almost 25 years. 22:29 - Jeff: That foreign dude fucks Lindsey Lohan in real life. That's weird. - Vladi's thrown out stealing by a mile - 22:29 - Jeff: Good play. 22:29 - Rob: What was that, a hit and run? Vlad can't have been running on his own. 22:30 - Jeff: You don't hit and run against a guy who doesn't throw strikes. 22:30 - Rob: Vlad doesn't really run that great, does he? 22:31 - Jeff: No. But I don't understand a lot of what the Angels do. 22:32 - Rob: They play aggressive, innovative baseball, regardless of whether it makes sense or not. - McCarver sucks Jeter's dick for "selling the missed tag" - 22:32 - Rob: Jeter's so awesome. 22:32 - Rob: See, I told you. 22:33 - Jeff: This douche at work was wearing a Jeter jersey on Friday. It's impossible to look heterosexual in one of those. 22:34 - Rob: Pretty casual Fridays you guys got there. 22:39 - Jeff: If the Angels don't score off Leiter and Sturtze, they should just forfeit the game. 22:41 - Rob: Well, the other good thing about baseball is that you get another chance to not play such a shitty or boring or both game tomorrow. - Bengie Molina home run off Sturtze - 22:42 - Jeff: I guess they can't forfeit now. 22:42 - Rob: Bengie has always been my favorite Molina. 22:44 - Jeff: He's nowhere close to my favorite Melina. 22:44 - Jeff: http://www.wwe.com/superstars/smackdown/melina/ 22:45 - Rob: She's not so bad, but can she hit Tanyon Sturtze? 22:46 - Jeff: Back when he was starting for the Rays, I wouldn't doubt it. 22:47 - Jeff: Three or four pitches for this strikeout? 22:47 - Rob: He's already lasted three. 22:48 - Rob: I have confidence in Finley. I think he'll bounce out weakly. - Finley rips a foul ball into the Yankees dugout - 22:48 - Jeff: It would have been awesome if that foul ball had hit A-Rod in the back again. 22:49 - Rob: I didn't know Jaret Wright wasn't on the playoff roster, but I don't know why I'd think he was. 22:49 - Jeff: Did Kevin Kennedy just call Jeanie Zelasko "Hooter?" 22:50 - Rob: I missed that. But if he did, that's hot. 22:51 - Jeff: Next game break he'll be offering her moustache rides. 22:55 - Rob: All right, an inning and a half for something great to happen. 22:56 - Jeff: Get rid of the "great" in that sentence and I'd be happy. 22:57 - Rob: Well, there will be at least six more outs recorded. 22:57 - Rob: Unless it starts raining. 22:58 - Jeff: I'd like to see Jaret Wright get hit by lightning. With his luck it wouldn't be unexpected. 22:58 - Rob: The Red Sox-White Sox game would've been a lot more entertaining in many ways. 22:59 - Rob: I'd do the Asian girl there. 22:59 - Jeff: Definitely. She looked much better the second time. 22:59 - Rob: I'd do the Rally Monkey. 22:59 - Rob: I'd do Chone Figgins. 22:59 - Jeff: I'd do Demetrius. - Sheff makes an awkward catch at the wall to end the inning - 23:01 - Rob: Sheffield makes it all look so easy out there, doesn't he? 23:01 - Jeff: I love when he catches the ball, stops, then dives. And follows it up by complaining about his shoulder. 23:02 - Jeff: I don't know if I'd do the herpes girl. 23:02 - Rob: Well, is she flaring up? 23:02 - Jeff: She's okay and all, but not really worth the chance. Now if Melina had herpes... 23:02 - Rob: I was thinking during the Red Sox game today, even if you lose the game, in a series against a team, there is some value to grinding out a few at-bats against the other team's relief pitchers. 23:03 - Rob: If you can force Torre to bring in Rivera, you've accomplished something, even if you don't win the game. Maybe he won't be available or as effective later in the series. 23:03 - Jeff: I'll buy you dinner if he throws more than 15 pitches. 23:04 - Rob: I will let you buy me dinner if he throws more than 15 pitches. 23:05 - Jeff: The Yankees' pitchers biggest problem is their inability to throw strikes. The Angels did nothing to take advantage of that. And they won't, because they're idiots. 23:06 - Jeff: You can't impress talk radio morons by walking and not giving up outs. 23:06 - Rob: I'd like to see if it's just my imagination, or if the Red Sox have been seeing fewer pitches per plate appearance over the last couple of weeks themselves. 23:07 - Jeff: It seemed that way. I do know their runs per game were down to around 4 over the last month. 23:07 - Rob: Whole bunch of guys not hitting lately. 23:07 - Rob: That's a big watch Torre's got. 23:08 - Jeff: They could have picked a better time. 23:08 - Rob: Yeah, see, that guy shouldn't be trying to steal bases. - Flintstones Midas commercial - 23:11 - Jeff: I haven't seen the Flintstones in years. I don't think I'd find them very entertaining if I did. 23:11 - Rob: Depends if it's the episodes with the little green alien that only Fred and Barney can see or not. 23:12 - Jeff: You see, I think those would suffer with maturity, too. 23:12 - Rob: Yeah? Hmm, I'll have to see if I can get my hands on some episodes and find out. - Rivera in for the ninth - 23:13 - Rob: All right, here we go, four run inning. 23:14 - Jeff: That was three pitches, right? 23:14 - Rob: 'Twas. Guerrero's good for a long at-bat, right? 23:14 - Rob: Six... 23:14 - Jeff: McCarver ought to tell Rivera that a walk is as good as a home run here. 23:15 - Rob: Seven, almost halfway there. 23:15 - Rob: A walk or a homerun aren't worth much here. 23:16 - Jeff: Say it! 23:16 - Rob: I think you have to wait until the tying run is on. 23:16 - Rob: Ten pitches, by the way. - Joe Buck wonders why the stolen base isn't scored a DI - 23:17 - Rob: Well, Joe, when you throw through, it's not really Defensive Indifference. 23:17 - Jeff: Rivera can't handle postseason pressure. - Cano badly misplays a grounder - 23:18 - Rob: Now, that's as bad as a home run. 23:18 - Jeff: If this game were in Tokyo, Bellhorn would be at second right now. - Molina at the plate - 23:19 - Jeff: The slowest man on Earth doesn't hit into many double plays, does he? 23:19 - Rob: Here and there. 23:20 - Rob: Wow, he actually almost got out of that with 14 pitches. 23:21 - Jeff: Cano couldn't believe where Molina was running down that line. - Pop up ends it - 23:22 - Rob: And there we are. At least it got a little interesting at the end. 23:22 - Jeff: If there's one thing to take away from this game: the Yankees hold the postseason record for many counting stats. 23:22 - Rob: And I'm going to bed. |
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