Smallville 9x6 - "Crossfire"

ROLL CALL:

SUPERMAN! CHLOE SULLIVAN! LOIS LANE! TESS MERCER! ZOD! THE GREEN ARROW!
This week's special DC Universe Guest Star:
SPEEDY!
with a mention of:
CAT GRANT!

A better title for this episode would have been "RAO Speedwagon". Three major developments on Smallville:

1) Tess Mercer is building a solar tower that will harness the power of the sun and power all of Metropolis (kind of the opposite of Max Shreck's capacitor in Batman Returns.) Zod wants this solar tower built so he and his Kandoran buddies can harness the sun's rays and regain their missing powers. That basic idea makes sense. Everything else, from Zod now suddenly strolling around as suit wearing, espresso sipping CEO of "RAO Inc." and his boasts that he has planted Kandorans in Luthorcorp to give it the best technology on Earth doesn't make sense.

Zod asks his Kandoran minion who looks the most like Billy Zane to interrogate Tess about where The Blur is and kill her, in that order. Instead Tess somehow killed Billy Zane off screen and sent his bloody dog tags back to Zod. Don't fuck with Tess Mercer, especially if there's a scene change.

2) In the more enjoyable DC geeky development that homages Pretty Woman wholesale, The Green Arrow has found his Speedy. I don't know what the Smallville writers' fascination is with underground fight clubs, but Oliver finds prostitute Mia Dearden improbably beating on a guy twice her size. Then she's suddenly helpless when her gangster pimp shows up and threatens her. Despite watching her gangster pimps manhandle her out of the fight club, Oliver ignores this completely and decides to pick up Mia and turn her into his employee/sidekick. 

The Pretty Woman homage goes into full effect. Those thigh-high leather boots Julia Roberts wears? Mia has them. The blonde wig? Mia has one. Oliver should have presented her with an arrow in a box, slammed the box shut on her fingers and Mia laughs. Mia goes off Pretty Woman script, betrays Oliver, steals his Ferrari, and tries to pay back her debt to the pimp but the whole thing ends up with Mia, Oliver, and Lois nearly being shot to death, except for Clark's timely interference.

None of this bothers Oliver in the slightest and he retains Mia under his employ. Something about knowing all about going to a dark place and wanting to give someone else a chance. As long as she's super hot. And can learn to shoot a bow and arrow. I enjoyed Oliver's sudden devotion to his hot little hooker friend. Hopefully Speedy doesn't give Oliver the AIDS.

3) Lois and Clark kissed! OMG! Clois finally locked lips! Lois and Clark ended up trying out as morning talk show hosts for Good Morning Metropolis, and nearly got the job for their off screen banter, despite Clark being stiff as a board when the cameras are rolling. The whole thing, including Oliver declaring his love for Lois and getting shot down because she loves Clark (which Clark, who can hear ladybugs sneeze in Taiwan, didn't hear), was an excuse for Clark to finally admit he wants Lois. So he up and plants his Superlips on her right in the Daily Planet. They got fired from the morning show gig and replaced with Cat Grant. That means the Lois and Clark poster for the morning show that's a direct lift off of the Pretty Woman poster goes to waste.

Parks and Recreation 2x7 - "Greg Pikitis"

They cast the right kid. I hated Greg Pikitis.

Finding a new purpose for Andy on the show as Leslie's new friend/employee/Smithers was a smart move. Andy is gold. Both characters named Andy on Thursday night NBC comedy are comedy gold. (Conversely, Alison Brie's Annie on Community is funny while Rashida Jones' Annie is not really.)

Best line was the meta-line when they were looking at the statue:

Andy: "He looks like Ron Swanson. Is that who this is based on?"

April and her boyfriend and her boyfriend's boyfriend made a hilarious comeback. Something I forgot to mention last week was April and the black woman's absence; presumably because they were still in Venezuela. April's back, but is the black woman still with the Venezuelans?

Also, both Parks and Rec and 30 Rock made jokes about how awesome gay Halloween is. It must be true.

Community 1x7 - "Introduction to Statistics"

Otherwise known as the Community Halloween episode. Otherwise known as Mexican Halloween, "which is quite offensive to those who know Mexican Halloween as a sexual position."

Executive Producer and creator Dan Harmon Tweeted that "Mexican Halloween Sexual Position" was the number 3 Google search last night. Also, they made it up. Honestly, I searched for it... for... clarification.

Abed as Batman, specifically his rambling rant at the end, murdered me like the Joker.

I initially thought Pierce was dressed as Harry Hamlin in Clash of the Titans (complete with Golden Owl) and not the Beastmaster. Either way, I'm old.

Troy was dressed as Eddie Murphy in Delirious and had my favorite line:

"Can I ask you something I've always wanted to ask the real Batman?"
"Yeahhhh."
"Am I good looking?"
"You're a very attractive young man."

The Office 6x7 - "Koi Pond"

Raise your hand if you didn't automatically know what a koi pond was when the episode started. My hand's up.

Is this the first episode since the beginning of season three where Jim and Pam were both in the episode but had no scenes together? That was rather refreshing.

Andy kissing Pam's belly was wonderfully uncomfortable and disturbing. The woman they were trying to sell to didn't catch that Pam had a wedding ring and Andy didn't. Or maybe she did and that's why they didn't get the sale. Plus more references to Andy's regular crying.

Jim was kind of a dick for purposely not grabbing Michael so he could fall in the koi pond.

The tag at the end of Pam's reaction to Erin thinking Andy is like Marlon Wayans and the coolest guy ever bodes well for the Nard Dog.

Hulkamania Comes to TNA

The biggest bombshell in the history of TNA: Total Nonstop Action wrestling hit today: Hulk Hogan has signed with TNA. And with him, Eric Bischoff.

In terms of being able to stake a claim in the general public's minds that they are indeed serious about becoming the kind of powerhouse promotion WWE is (or WCW was when it challenged the WWF in the 1990's), signing Hulk Hogan is the greatest move possible for TNA.

Whatever impact (pun intended) Hogan's presence has, specifically whatever benefit/damage to the status quo (firing Vince Russo is the top of my personal list) or to whatever the elements of TNA are going to be upended by him (will Samoa Joe and AJ Styles be eating the big legdrop, brother?), in terms of public perception - and TNA has very, very little to the general public - Hulk Hogan's name, stature and star power gives TNA instant credence.

There are really only three true free agent megastars that TNA could bring in to give them the kind of recognition they need to be considered a rival - or they hope, an equal - to WWE:

Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and The Rock.

Everyone else, including Ric Flair, is a just wrestling star, no matter how big a wrestling star. Those three guys are household names transcending the wrestling business. Rock and Austin are pipe dreams for TNA. Hulk Hogan is the biggest score they'll ever have.

TNA, by the majority of credible accounts I've seen regarding their business, was just not growing. With Hulk Hogan's name and Eric Bischoff working with them, given what they did for WCW (not to WCW, because that's a whole different ball of wax) TNA has the best chance they've ever had to be seen as an equal to WWE. What they do from this point on will be hotly debated, dissected, complained about, but it may also work.

I'd say congratulations to all parties are involved. I would suspect that today, for the first time probably ever, Vince McMahon took some time out of his day to seriously consider what TNA is and what this means to his business.

The Office 6x6 - "The Lover"

First off, Ryan's fedora was fucking awesome. It practically stole the thunder from the A story of Pam finding out Michael's sleeping with her mom and the B story of Dwight, Jim and the wooden mallard. I loved how he was just wearing it in the meeting with no explanation and with all the stuff going on in the conference room, there was Ryan wearing a hat with a smug look on his face.

I watch repeats of The Office on TBS and in syndication now and Pam is light years beyond the mousey secretary she was when the series started. That Pam would never have lost it in front of Michael over and over. 

Jenna Fischer went from acting really cute when they were giving Michael the rum ("I feel like a Puerto Rican.") to screaming in the parking lot, which I thought was great. Never seen Pam lose it like that before. 

I liked that Pam and Jim at the end did acknowledge that Pam went too far in screaming at Michael, who is still her boss. I also liked Oscar and the others kind of taking Michael's side that Pam was overreacting. And Jim was a prince in trying to straddle the middle.

All the Toby interaction was great too, from Jim screaming at him to Michael pretending to befriend him so he'd talk to Pam.

Really good episode this week.

Parks and Recreation 2x6 - "Kaboom"

Andy took a couple of weeks off but he came back with a vengeance. I loved the line "He couldn't find a place on the surface of the Earth to live in so he decided to live below it."

I also liked taking off your thinking caps and putting on your doing caps. Tom: "I have two in my wallet. That's what I call condoms."

Mark: "Are you willing to break the rules?"
Leslie: "I won't murder."

I really like Leslie now. She's come so far from being a female Michael Scott clone. Even at the start of the season, she was still iffy but she quickly evolved in a very likeable lead character in the last few episodes.

Big leap forward in the main storyline of the series that they got the pit filled in. I wonder if the park will actually be completed by the end of the season?