We Are Suh-Smart! We Are Suh-Smart!

Last night, my friends Lance, Jeff, Katie and I competed in The Simpsons Trivia. We played against 8 or 9 other teams under the team name No Footlongs. There was only one outcome: We're The Simpsons Trivia Champions of the World! (Or of the bar in Boston we were at.)

The last 22 years of watching and absorbing The Simpsons really paid off. We beat their brains in. We were in first place at every scoring cycle and won with a 5 point lead. No Footlongs (they make Ned Flanders uncomfortable) won a grand prize of $143, which paid for dinner and left us each with a cool six dollars. Only first place won anything, which was us. When the second place team asked the judge if they get anything, Lance told them to kiss his ass. Class.

There were some questions that seemed obvious that we blew. One was name the 5 characters not named Simpson who have been in the most episodes. We got Moe, Milhouse, Skinner, Burns, but we forgot Flanders. Stupid Flanders! We said Krusty. Each name was worth a point that we tripled with a bonus in that round.  

The three movies in the Springfield Film Festival: A Burns For All Seasons, Pukahontas, but we forgot Man Getting Hit By Football. We called it Football in the Groin. 

We made little mistakes here and there, but we also dominated things like the audio round of which countries the Simpsons have been to and the visual round matching movies the show has parodied. Got all of those no sweat. The round of real or fake Rainier Wolfcastle films was relatively easy to figure out: the fake ones were the ones that weren't funny.

Nobody got Snake's real name. But we knew every character played by Hank Azaria. Lance really came through with some tough ones: He got a Treehouse of Horror couch gag with Freddy and Jason, and he somehow knew the name of the gay steel mill Homer took Bart to (Anvil) in the John Waters episode.

I never had any doubt we would win this. If there was one thing I was born to do, it's win Simpsons Trivia. Katie and Lance initially doubted we'd win, but I'll put the staggering amount of minutia Jeff and I know combined against anyone's. And we did. Everyone pulled their weight. And we won.

We are suh-smart! We are suh-smart! S-M-R-T!

The Losties

The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special! In 3D! On Ice!

What a terrific documentary on The Simpsons by Morgan Spurlock! Not at all what I was expecting, but turned out much better than what I was expecting - some sort of clip-filled, generic self-congratulatory tribute. This was a wonderful and unique look at the impact and legacy of the greatest television show in history.

Spurlock did a superb job capturing an overview of the cultural/global impact and popularity of The Simpsons while touching on some of its controversies and the criticisms towards it.

Of course, Matt Groening was right there happily yakking away about his creation, but it was cool how Spurlock showed all the street names in Portland, Oregon he took the names of the characters like Reverend Lovejoy, Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, and Sideshow Bob Terwilliger from.

It was also nice (wait, is "nice", the word I want? They're not exactly handsome, as expected) to put faces to Simpsons writers like David Mirkin, Sam (the first showrunner booted off the show but retaining executive producer credit and earning millions for life) Simon, and Mike Scully. Of course, Conan O'Brien had to be interviewed and I'm glad he participated. (Conan couldn't have known then how tempted he might be today to accept that job writing for Mr. Burns for $1, the way NBC is dicking him around). And there must be a few thoughts from "Hollywood Legend" James L. Brooks, of course.

I also enjoyed hearing from Sting, representing the hordes of guest voices over the years. "The Simpsons made my career..." Hugh Hefner was also interviewed for the special, boasting about Marge on the cover of Playboy. How many copies does Moe own? ("There's nothing sexier than still pictures of naked women in a magazine!") Moby's love and remixes of the "Mr. Plow" song were fun.

I'm a pretty huge Simpsons fan, but tattooing my entire torso with he Simpsons characters is one level of fanaticism I won't ever reach. Still, if I ever did get a Simpsons-related tattoo, the Stonecutters symbol the French girl has would be my choice.

I hope the homes of The Simpsons collectors, especially the one in England, never burn down. They'd probably kill themselves.

Spurlock in Brazil, talking to Brazilians about why they're still mad at the Brazil episode, while poking fun at them, was a brilliant move. That was one fashionable speedo Spurlock wore in Copacabana Beach. There should have been monkey gangs and rats painted to look like Skittles chasing him.

The Comic-Con "Simpsons Idol" footage showed that one guy who did Homer's voice so perfectly, if they replaced Dan Castellaneta with him, we'd probably never notice. Castellaneta must have shit his pants when he saw that guy.

The Simpsons actually watching the special and complaining that it was not in 3D, nor was there ice skating, was pretty good.

Really, my only criticism is that Spurlock's documentary should have been twice as long and ought to have been in theaters. But, as Marge said a couple of seasons ago, "No more Simpsons Movies! One was enough!"

That 90's Show

THAT 90's SHOW

January 28, 2008

For a show that always pisses the Internet off, last night's The Simpsons really pissed the Internet off. The episode, titled "That 90's Show", showed that Homer and Marge were single and living together in the 1990's. 

The episode opens with Lisa performing complex mathematical equations to determine that if Bart is 10 years old and it's 2008, Homer must have gotten Marge pregnant some time around 1997. We learn that Homer paid for Marge to go to college, that she left him for one of her professors, and that Homer was so despondent he invented grunge music and became a self-destructive addict hooked on Sweet Lady I. (Insulin, not heroin. He became diabetic after drinking too many mocha lattes in the 90's.) The Internet is pissed off that the series has retconned (such a dirty word, and not even a real one like 'cromulent') Homer and Marge's history so that they "couldn't" have met during high school in 1974 as was previously established in season two (in 1991 if anyone's counting.)

First, when will some people finally understand that The Simpsons does not subscribe to and cannot be defined by any type of traditional continuity. To demand it of them is foolish and only leads to bitterness and anger. While The Simpsons sometimes maintains a continuity (Maud Flanders died and is still dead, Principal Skinner and Mrs. Krabappel dated for years and broke up), the series is not serialized in that what happened in the past is inviolate. (Dr. Marvin Monroe was dead for several years and suddenly reappeared a while back. "I was very sick," he said. And we move along.)

No matter what, Bart will always be 10 years old. Time passes in the real world - 18 years and counting - but things have to remain the same in Springfield. And yet they have to reflect our times as well, good or bad.

Any Simpsons writer will tell you the series exists in a "flexible reality." Meaning: whatever they want to do to tell a joke is what they'll do. It's not supposed to all hold together in a tidy bow like a traditional television series. It's not designed to. The series' ability to do whatever they want, which they basically invented in its modern form on television so others could follow suit, has always been their strongest trait creatively.

The hard and fast rule for The Simpsons is this: All that matters to them is the joke they're telling, even when the very next joke immediately contradicts it. And they do that on purpose because you cannot maintain the show's status quo while lasting as long as they have and continue to.

How many times have they looked outside of the Simpsons' kitchen window and seen something other than their backyard, for example? How many times have Bart and Lisa gone on summer vacation and returned to Springfield Elementary in the fall right back to Mrs. Krabappel's 4th grade class and Miss Hoover's second grade class? I can't believe people still get up in arms over stuff like that or episodes like "That 90's Show." They're just telling jokes.

The show did not retcon anything in the sense that the previous flashbacks never happened. Homer and Marge did go to high school in the 1970's. All the old flashback episodes hold. (So do all the episodes set in the future, which also contradict each other.) Now they're saying Homer and Marge were single in the 90's. Well, if you do the math, that Bart must always be 10 is the unchangable rule, then it makes sense they were.

Does it contradict what came before? Yes. It's supposed to. To quote Carl in a previous episode: "It's best not to think about it." It's not worth getting bent out of shape over. Reality is whatever they say it is. Does the 90's episode make sense? NO. And the writers don't care because there's no point in making it make sense. All they were really doing was goofing on the 1990's.

If you didn't think the episode was funny, that's cool. I love grunge music, Nirvana, the 90's, and I thought there was some hilarious stuff:

Homer, Lenny, Carl, and Officer Lou as a Color Me Badd-like R&B group. Lenny's hair and facial hair were awesome.

Kirk Van Houten downloading a picture that will take six hours (as long as no one picks up the phone.)

Kurt Loder "reporting from the 90's."

Weird Al's parody of Homer's parody of Nirvana's "Rape Me."

Homer: "He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life."

Bart's line after the commercial break: "Why did you stop talking for two and a half minutes?"

The image of grunged-out Homer with the syringe in his arm might have been the darkest thing the show has ever done. There was no reason to believe it wasn't heroin until Marge said it was insulin. I was kind of jarred by it, but I cite precedence from Homer's line in the golden years episode when Homer was in the B-Sharps: "The fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs."

Now, I didn't love the episode. I liked a lot of the jokes and things like Homer's parody of Bush's "Glycerine" worked for me, but the whole thing overall wasn't one of their best outings. Like many episodes of recent years, the timing was off and a lot of the non-90's specific jokes, especially involving Marge's sleazeball professor, fell flat. But I laughed enough. In the end, laughter is what I want from The Simpsons. And I got it. I don't worry about the rest.

Finally, I would kill for a Sadgasm shirt. If The Simpsons aired on NBC, it would have been available on nbc.com this morning.

The Simpsons Essay

THE SIMPSONS ESSAY

I love The Simpsons. It's been the major influence on me for as long as it's been on the air and it all but defined my sense of humor and worldview, for better or worse. I tend to be a Simpsons apologist (or justifier as I see it). I know the series is never going to be what it was 10-12 years ago. The Simpsons has been on for almost two whole decades. Along with its natural aging, shows like South Park, Family Guy, Futurama, and live action series like Arrested Development, The Office (run by former Simpsons writer Greg Daniels), My Name Is Earl, etc. have since stolen a lot of their thunder. But when they're on point, The Simpsons can still deliver.

I feel like The Simpsons Movie's long development distracted their best writers and animators over the last few years. It takes six months to create an episode from start to finish. The Simpsons Movie was five years in development and was being re-written and re-edited right up to its release date. The Movie's five year journey to theatres meant at least 5-6 seasons were affected by the series' all-star writers and animators having to split their time between the series and the Movie. I'm curious what the series will be like a year from now with their top talent back on the mothership, if you will.

I've been spending quite a bit of my free time lately watching seasons 4-7 on DVD with commentaries. These were the show's golden years and I'm fascinated by The Simpsons' unique brand of comedy writing. The commentaries are like master classes in writing comedy.

There are definitely aspects of how episodes are put together today (timing, editing, style of jokes) that are different from the golden years. One theory is that the newer writers just aren't as good as the original crop. There's a case to be made for that. However, there are also strange restrictions now placed on them by FOX borne of the current cultural climate that The Simpsons never had to deal with in the mid-90's. (For instance, there is currently a ban on The Simpsons being able to show Homer's (or anyone's) bare ass on the show. The nudity ban is what made them go all out with Bart's full frontal in the Movie. Also, it is now harder/more expensive to do big musical numbers which is why there have been so few in the last few years. On the other hand, they get away with any number of copyright violations -- Count Chocula, The Incredible Hulk Melon Baller that "shits out" melon balls to name two -- these days.)

The showrunner (head writer) for the last few seasons has been Al Jean. The showrunner definitely gets to determine the style of humor the series takes under his stewardship. The most popular years of "Who Shot Mr. Burns?" in the mid-90's were largely run by David Mirkin, who had a style different from Jean's. The episodes speak for themselves. I prefer Mirkin's style and his episodes. I feel Al Jean's run on the series has been more slapdash, although he has modernized the series to a degree (Homer Simpson having a laptop, cell phone, and knowing what YouTube is. The writers ten years ago steered clear of the Simpsons having such amenities so that Homer getting a computer or stealing cable were big deals. Times change, things change.)

The biggest change to me over the last few years has been in Homer Simpson himself. It's really amazing hearing David Mirkin, David Cohen (showrunner of Futurama), Greg Daniels, et al discuss their vision of Homer. To them, Homer "is the most positive guy in the world." No matter how crummy his life is, he's optimistic and happy. He keeps hoping for the best. Watch those seasons and see how loveable their Homer is.

Homer in recent years has veered away from that. He was always a jerk, but in the last few years he has not only acknowledged he's a jerk but takes delight in it. And today's Homer is miserable. He's almost always unhappy and complaining. In the old years, no matter what Homer did, his devotion to Marge and his love for his family was always the elastic that brought him back. Now, Homer regularly dreams of leaving them and even fantasy episodes set in the future have Homer and Marge separated or divorced, unthinkable a decade ago.

It's weird how different the Homer character is. He's still Homer, just with different textures. I personally prefer the older Homer. One of the things I admired in The Simpsons Movie is that they managed to merge all the various aspects of Homer together so the character embodied all of those dimensions in the course of the 90 minutes. I also loved that the Simpsons family unit was the crux of the story, which is rarely the case in the series these days.

Anyway, 2008 will be The Simpsons's 20th season. Imagine that. I'm on board as ever, but I wonder if my theory of The Simpsons Movie finally being in the rearview mirror will cause any noticable changes in the quality of the series.

The Simpsons Movie (****)

THE SIMPSONS MOVIE

Family Matters

Why is The Simpsons Movie exxxcellent? It marks the first time in the series' 18 year-plus history that the all-star team of ten writers assembled for The Simpsons Movie (whose "names you should memorize", chided Homer during the credits) successfully maintained a complete 90 minute narrative. (The longest continuous story in the series' history previously was the "Who Shot Mr. Burns?" two-parter in 1995. The Simpsons Movie was twice as long as that.) The Simpsons Movie's runaway box office success is a wonderful validation for the incredibly talented team of writers, producers, animators, and the voice talent lead by Dan Castelanetta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer, etc. It couldn't happen to a better, more deserving group of people. (And they'd be the first to agree.)

More importantly, The Simpsons Movie is a loving tribute to the Simpson family. It's been many years since the Simpsons' family unit was itself the focal point of the story. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie are here on the big screen in all their glory and lovable imperfections, and we're given the most caring and complete glimpse at all of their emotional cores since the early days of the series.

When Homer watches his wedding video and "Close to You" by The Carpenters plays, longtime fans remember it as Homer and Marge's song, going all the way back to when they were in high school. (The episode where Homer falls for Marge as a teenager remains one of the sweetest in the series' venerable history.) Bart's struggle to reconcile his growing attachment to Ned Flanders with his disappointment in Homer reminds us that while he should be 28 years old in real time, Bart is still a ten year old boy who needs his father. Lisa's awesome budding relationship with the Irish new kid in town, Colin, brings back memories of her failed past relationships with Nelson Muntz and Ralph Wiggum, as well as her doomed future relationship with Hugh Parkfield. Lisa's subplot of meeting a boy who likes her (who isn't Milhouse) might be the best in the entire movie. And Maggie probably is the best accident of the three Simpson children if you count how many times she's saved her father's life.

It is regrettable that in order to protect the main narrative and keep the focus on the Simpson family, some of the very best of the show's unbeatable supporting cast didn't get to have their moment. Just about everyone who has ever lived in Springfield got to have some face time, but in terms of speaking roles, the Springfield Elementary cast got shafted. Principal Skinner never said a word, nor did Superintendant Chalmers or Groundskeeper Willie. No Rainier Wolfcastle, but that is understandable considering the presence of President Schwarzenegger. No Sideshow Bob at all! (Maybe in the sequel, if they listen to Maggie's first word, and judging from the opening weekend box office, it's assured.) It's a shame Mr. Burns only got two quick scenes and Smithers never said anything. 

On the other hand, Chief Wiggum and Ralph Wiggum did extremely well for themselves and Ralph probably has the best line in the entire movie. Moe, Lenny, and Carl got some business, and Krusty had some great lines. Nelson set the record for "Ha ha!"s guffawed, while Martin finally took revenge for 18 years of bullying from Jimbo, Kearny and Dolph, as well as learning a valuable lesson for why a bully bullies at all. I wish the movie were longer and they could have given everyone some business, but then there's always the show itself. 

The Simpsons Movie is for everyone. For us, the die hards who've grown up with the show (two decades, almost, and counting!) and for anyone who's ever laughed out loud at any of its past 400 episodes (and counting!). Watching The Simpsons Movie was pure joy, the movie itself a magnficent balance of the show's irreverent humor and ability to tug at the heartstrings with genuinely sweet and tender moments. It's safe to say you'll never forget the sight of naked Bart's doodle as he skateboards through Springfield, or Homer giving everyone double middle fingers, or Marge yelling "Throw the goddamn bomb!" 

The moments I loved included Homer still calling Jesus "Jebus", Bart calling Flanders "sister" and his "Oh my God!" when he drank Flanders' cocoa, the writing on the pig crap silo ("Return to Homer Simpson. (No Reward)"), Tom Hanks loaning the government his credibility, Colin insisting his father isn't Bono, Milhouse's line "Global warming is a myth! More study is needed!" before taking a Nelson punch to the gut, Bart drunk on whiskey ("I'm troubled"), the looks on the animals' faces when they watched Homer and Marge rock the casbah, the EPA drivers bemoaning Homer's misspelled road signs (SOP), and Homer's line to Spider-Pig, "Maybe we should kiss to break the tension."

For me, the callback of all callbacks was near the end of movie, after Bart and Homer jump Springfield Gorge on a motorcycle: There's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it shot of an ambulance crashed into a tree. It's a simple callback, not drawing attention to itself but there for those with quick eyes and long memories. In season 2, "Bart the Daredevil" 17 years ago(!), Bart tried to jump Springfield Gorge on a skateboard and Homer saved his son's life by inadvertantly taking his place. Homer missed the jump and hilarously crashed down the mountainside. Then in a stroke of comedy genius, he is airlifted into a waiting ambulance that crashes into a tree immediately. Homer's gurney rolls out of the ambulance and he falls right back down the mountain. 

It was the breakthrough moment of the series to date, the bit people were talking about at the watercooler the next day. That segment was the series' first classic comedy moment. And in The Simpsons Movie, when Bart and Homer together make the jump Homer failed to complete way back when, we see that the ambulance is still there. That was a great little treat for the longtime fans, those of us who've been there since the beginning, who remember. Moments like that are why I love the show and why I love The Simpsons Movie.

The Shinning

THE SHINNING

No TV And No Beer Make Homer Something Something 

This weekend at the Red Bank International Film Festival, we got to watch (a DVD of) The Shining on the big screen.  I don't remember when the last time I saw The Shining was - it'd been over a decade at least - but damn if I don't remember The Simpsons parody of it ("The Shinning") way more.

Probably the most disappointing part of The Shining was the ending, where there was no mention of "television's warm glowing warming glow."  Another instance where "The Shinning" is superior is in the motivation of why Homer went insane and tried to kill his family: Mr. Burns made sure there was no TV and no beer in the hotel.  You can't help but be a little confused as to why Jack Nicholson went insane.  Was it the ghosts?  His alcoholism?  Was he reincarnated from a murderer in 1921?  With Homer, it's very clear.

Homer:  "No TV and no beer make Homer something something"
Marge:  "Go crazy?"
Homer:  "Don't mind if I do!"

Hell, if I was stuck for five months with no TV and no beer, I'd make friends with an ax collection too.  I'd kill you.  I'd kill all of you!  (Did I say five months?  Five minutes might break me.)

A couple of observations from The Shining: 

Jack was really quite a fuck up.  The ghosts really bet on the wrong horse there.  All he had to do was shove an ax into his mousey wife and his spaced out son.  That's it.  Just kill two people.  He could have just gone up to them and said, "Can I ax you something?" and then axed them.  He lived in the same apartment with them.  He could have easily parted their skulls with the ax as they slept.  They wouldn't have seen it coming.  But no, he totally, completely blew it.  His incompetence reflected badly on the ghosts, all of whom killed their families without any trouble.

The poor black guy.  He's sitting in bed in Miami safe and sound with his nudie paintings of black women with huge 'fros hanging over his bed, not a care in the world, then he gets the Shining from the kid.  He puts on a dapper zoot suit, flies all the way out to Colorado, drives five hours in a blizzard, a few more hours on a snow truck to the hotel, and for what?  An ax in the chest.  Him, Jack can kill.  But if the black guy'd never shown up at all, Jack would have been the only casualty of his attempted killing spree.

When Shelley Duvall finds Jack's manuscript, hundreds of pages with only "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy," and he sneaks up on her and asks her what she thinks, there's really only one response:

"Jack, you're a really shitty writer."

Can't imagine why anyone would stay at the Overlook Hotel after all the killings that go on there.  But you know, I'd still rather stay there than at a Hilton