Justice League

JUSTICE LEAGUE

** SPOILERS **

"Children," Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) says with a bit of disbelief. "I'm working with children." Of course, Superman (Henry Cavill) and Cyborg (Ray Fisher) giggling on the ground after they managed to save the world together earned a little bit of child-like goofy revelry. Child-like goofy revelry is the theme and provides the high points of Justice League, a superhero movie designed to please the Super Friends-loving children inside us first and foremost (and no one else). Director Zack Snyder (and Joss Whedon who directed reshoots but only shares screenplay credit Chris Terrio) finally unite the seven six World's Greatest Superheroes - Superman, Batman (Ben Affleck), Wonder Woman, Aquaman (Jason Momoa), The Flash (Ezra Miller), and Cyborg - together in one superhero smash-em-up movie. The Justice League comes together to face - what else? - an invader from another world, the CGI conqueror Steppenwolf (voiced by Ciaran Hinds), and his army horde big group of flying space insects called Parademons from the planet Apokolips. But first, the Justice League has to learn to work together (i.e. learn to work with Batman). 

Justice League follows up the events of Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice. Superman died saving the world. Batman, who was consumed by hatred of the Man of Steel in the previous movie, is now consumed by guilt over his death and fear about the coming alien invasion he's powerless to stop. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman go hunting for new super friends, which takes up half of the movie. In Newfoundland, Batman finds Arthur Curry, the Aquaman, a local legend who is not-so-secretly the disgruntled King of the Seven Seas. Bruce Wayne has really gotten sloppy in his old age; he didn't seem remotely concerned that by publicly chatting with Curry, an entire town in Newfoundland now knows he's the Batman. Wayne also recruits Barry Allen, a gee whiz wunderkind who also happens to be the Fastest Man Alive. Allen instinctively understands he's the comic relief of this group and plays his role with (too much) aplomb. Meanwhile, Wonder Woman and Cyborg find each other - Cyborg was a college athlete named Victor Stone who was caught in some kind of explosion. His scientist father rebuilt him into a Cyborg using technology from what he calls the Change Engine, but is actually one of the three alien Mother Boxes Steppenwolf has returned to Earth to collect.

Steppenwolf is the boring alien lynchpin of Justice League's mythology - he came to Earth five thousand years ago with three Mother Boxes and way more Parademons than he brings in 2017. In DC Comics, Mother Boxes are all-purpose super computers, but in Justice League, they're just alien power sources which, when combined into 'The Unity', will terraform the Earth and turn it into the planet Apokolips, Steppenwolf's other dimensional home world. (Terraforming Earth is the exact same plan the Kryptonians had when they invaded Earth in Man of Steel. Don't any aliens want Earth as it is? It's a nice planet!) The film barely explains the mythology of the New Gods (or anything else), expecting the audience to have seen the other DC movies and the comic book nerds in the know to fill the newbies in afterwards. So Steppenwolf tried to turn the Earth all fiery and horrible, and turn humans into Parademons, but an alliance between the Amazons (Wonder Woman's people), the Atlanteans (Aquaman's people), the tribes of man, and even the Greek gods and a Green Lantern (who got his green ass whooped real fast) stood against Steppenwolf and banished him. The Atlanteans, Amazons, and men each took a Mother Box (in this universe, shouldn't it really be called a Martha Box?) to keep them separated. Like geniuses, the Atlanteans and Amazons put their Mother Boxes on display. The humans (for once) had the good sense to bury their Mother Box. How it ended up in the lab of Cyborg's father is one of Justice League's many plot holes that go unexplained.

So where the hell is Superman? Well, he is dead, but not forgotten. Justice League retcons the mistrust and ambiguity the world felt about the Man of Steel's existence. Now he was a beacon of hope whose banner is flown at all points around the globe in a state of perpetual mourning. The man Superman really was, Clark Kent, is missed terribly by his mother Martha (Diane Lane) and his fiance Lois Lane (Amy Adams), but no one on Earth misses him more than Batman. In his private moments with his butler Alfred (Jeremy Irons), Batman bemoans his own inadequacies at length (he's right about all of them). He's convinced that Superman is who the world needs (he's right about that too.) When the League minus Superman faces Steppenwolf for the first time and get their united asses handed to them, Batman decides it's time to really go dark - Pet Cemetary dark - and bring Superman back to life with the power of the Mother Box. This leads to the moment no one ever expected to see in a superhero movie: The Flash and Cyborg in a Smallville graveyard digging up Clark Kent's coffin.

Gal Gadot thankfully returns as the Wonder Woman we fell in love with last summer. Wonder Woman is unequivocably the best character in the movie and perpetually the only adult in the room. The best scene in Justice League is the argument when Batman goes full-on asshole and accuses Wonder Woman of failing the world by not being the beacon of hope Superman is. The other best scene is when Aquaman doesn't realize he's sitting on Wonder Woman's magic Lasso of Truth and start spilling his guts about his true feelings (Wonder Woman is gorgeous, he doesn't want to die, etc.) These character interactions between the League are terrific and savvy, full of knowing wit and a pleasing understanding of the characters and how they bounce off each other. The movie really picks up momentum when Superman comes back to life - complete, of course, with the obligatory fan service of Superman fighting the Justice League (and racing The Flash) - before Lois Lane's appearance calms him down and puts the human back in control of the Kryptonian. Superman is worth waiting for, and it's wonderful to see Henry Cavill smiling, relaxed and cracking jokes for the first time (no matter how weird his CGI'd face looks after the mustache he grew for Mission: Impossible 6 was digitally erased).

With so many superheroes and their disparate corners of the DC Universe (Gotham, Atlantis, Themyscira, Central City) being serviced - the Atlanteans and their Queen Mera (Amber Heard) really got short shafted; wait until the Aquaman movie next year to find out what all that Atlantis business was all about - Justice League takes on multiple tones not unlike what Stephen Soderbergh did with Traffic. The movie literally looks and feels different depending on what location they're at - Gotham looks like a cartoon city, then all of a sudden we cut to London and it looks like the real world - and the effect can be jarring. Imagine if Star Wars: Attack of the Clones was jammed together with A New Hope mixed with huge chunks of The LEGO Batman Movie and you get the idea. The first half of the movie leaps around like two dogs fighting over a stick, and the action scenes are mostly frenetic and unmemorable eyesores, with deafeningly loud and abrasive sound design that drowns out composer Danny Elfman's weaving of his classic Batman and John Williams' classic Superman scores into the music. Five years ago, The Avengers assembled for a crowd-pleasing and multi-layered 30 minute battle against aliens to defend New York City, showcasing each Avenger's powers, abilities, and strategies. The Justice League's final showdown with Steppenwolf is a rush job in a tiny town in the middle of Russia where they just keep punching Parademons and Steppenwolf until they win. The League may have been All In, according to the marketing, but in terms of everything it could be, the movie is Not All There.

After so many years of dreaming about this movie, the Justice League finally united but it only barely rises above the level of live action cartoon. However, the small, human moments: Bruce Wayne admitting to Wonder Woman that he's barely physically capable of being Batman anymore; Aquaman mocking Bruce Wayne dressing up "just like a bat" in response to wisecracks about "talking to fish"; Wonder Woman using her compassion to try to make Cyborg feel human and wanted; the look on Batman's face when his crazy plan worked and Superman came back to life; Batman: "Oh yeah, something's definitely bleeding..."; and Clark Kent and Lois Lane reuniting in a Smallville cornfield - the love story holding together the fate of the entire DC Universe - are worth celebrating. These are the moments that make Justice League almost worth it. Almost, but not really. Still, there's potentially nowhere to go but up from here; a wise choice by DC Films as to who will helm the sequel now that Zack Snyder is reportedly stepping aside will hopefully deliver an even better version of the part 2 teased in the rebuilding of Stately Wayne Manor into the Hall of Justice ("room for more") and in the post-credits scene. After a lifetime of dreaming about a Justice League movie, it's finally here and... well, it's here. Now with that fulfilled, we can share a new dream: one of a coherent Justice League movie. For that, I will be All In.

Arrow 2x8 - "The Scientist"

Barry Allen. An unassuming yet earth-shattering (in a different way from the Undertaking) name introduced into the Arrow television universe. Here he is, played by Grant Gustin in all his boyish (pointed out several times by gruff, square-jawed and manly Oliver) and nerdy charm. He's always late for trains, "not good on his feet," reads Scientist Showcase magazine (issue number 4, no doubt), doesn't seem to have the same hots for Felicity (in the Roy Harper way) that she does for him, he worships the Starling City Vigilante, and he's not what he says he is. Posing as a CSI scientist from Central City, Allen is indeed a scientist, but merely an assistant looking for answers to his mother's murder and his father's wrongful imprisonment for that murder. We're now in brand new Barry Allen territory here, with a tragic past where one senses the guiding hand of DC Comics' chief creative Geoff Johns. 11 year old Barry was attacked in his home by "a blur," in which he saw a man (was it this guy?). His mother was killed and his father was blamed for the crime. (Allen could unwittingly be talking about the Red Tornado for all we know.) Now, Barry Allen has come to Starling searching for answers, and though he does not yet don the scarlet of the speedster he will soon become, the Arrow universe will never be the same.

The best gag in the episode was the wink wink to the Flash's comic book origin: Barry Allen, standing in front of a window during a lightning storm, complaining to Felicity about how the chemicals in the Queen Consolidated lab are dangerously shelved. While the presence of the future Flash is the harbinger of the introduction of superpowers into what has up til now been a gritty and 'realistic' Arrow universe, it turns out superpowers are already here and beat the Flash to the party. Oliver, Felicity, and Diggle are called in to investigate a mysterious break in at the Queen Consolidated Applied Sciences warehouse. None of them appreciated Detective Lance's crack about Queen Consolidated having another earthquake machine lying around. A huge, muscular brute who looked kind of like Bane but is probably the yet-unnamed Solomon Grundy (brother Cyrus, as Brother Blood called him last week) bashed his way in, murdered security, and walked off with a centrifuge. (Cue a lot of exposition about what a centrifuge is plus a shout out to Kord Industries.) While Felicity is taken by the nerdy science talkin' ways of young Mr. Allen, Oliver knows way, way more than he's letting on and is being his typical withholding-vital-information-from-his-team self.

In the most direct collision of events five years ago on Lian Yu affecting events in present day yet, it turns out the centrifuge theft is part of an overall scheme to manufacture more mirakuru ("miracle," someone always helpfully adds.) Mirakuru is the super soldier serum hidden on the errant Japanese World War II sub somewhere on Lian Yu, which five years ago-Oliver, five years ago-Sara, Shado and dying on his feet-Slade are able to locate. Despite Professor Ivo and his merry band of pirates hot on their heels, our Island heroes have time to play 'catch up on personal relationships' games where Shado learns Oliver slept with Sara, the sister of the girl Oliver says he's in love with and can produce a photo of at the drop of a hat, while Slade confesses his own feelings towards Shado. Our Island heroes find the mirakuru in the sub even faster than they found the sub itself, and despite lacking a necessary sedative and never questioning whether a 70 year old serum would even be potent, the options are watch Slade die a slow death or inject him with mirakuru and watch him die quickly with bloody eyes. Or it could cure him and make him super. It didn't, at least not as far as we saw before Ivo and the pirates burst in pointing guns at everyone.

All of these things Oliver remembers like it was yesterday, or one scene ago, but he kept it all to himself until after a mack truck confrontation with Solomon Grundy (no one calls him that) where the Arrow (who doesn't call himself that yet) got his clock cleaned. Outmatched and finally feeling like sharing with his loyal helpers, Oliver clues Diggle and Felicity in on the events five years ago and why the word 'mirakuru' is suddenly so important and dangerous. "Why couldn't you have been marooned on Aruba?" asks Felicity. I know, right? Or Tahiti. I hear it's a magical place. When Felicity, with a lot of assistance from Barry (who accurately deduced the methodology of the Vigilante - not just why he wears green but how he must have help from someone brilliant in computer science), located the A.R.G.U.S. warehouse where Grundy must have hidden the centrifuge, the Arrow goes in half-cocked and again gets his clock cleaned. Though admittedly, Oliver was doing pretty well for himself in the fight, until Grundy tossed him around like a pile of garbage and Oliver ended up with syringes of mirakuru stuck in his leg. The only person who can save Oliver now is Barry Allen. Rather than ask him, Diggle and Felicity did it the Oliver way: they drugged him with a poisoned dart until he awoke in the Arrow Cave to see the billionaire playboy who didn't like him very much unconscious on a slab wearing the green leather of the Vigilante Barry so admires. It's now up to Barry Allen to save his fellow future Justice Leaguer. And he'd better do it fast.

Oliver was in rare form in this episode, in that he was incompetent and pig-headed in an almost catastrophic level. Beyond his misadventures as the Arrow, Oliver insisted on bringing Moira back to sit in on high level Queen Consolidated board meetings. This didn't sit well with Isabel Rochev, who once more uttered her trademark line, "Mr. Queen, may I have a word with you?" Do Oliver's butt cheeks clench every time Isabel asks to have a word with him? Isabel was right when she pointed out acquitted but still publicly disgraced Moira Queen has no place in Queen Consolidated, but Oliver is such a mama's boy that he wouldn't hear of Starling City not loving his mommy dearest the way he does. Oliver decides the first swanky party of season 2 at Stately Queen Manor is just what Moira needs, only to find hardly anyone showed (not even Walter Steele,) even though Oliver looked very dashing in his tuxedo and Thea looked amazing in her evening clothes. Meanwhile, Oliver felt pangs of jealousy for the first time when another rooster seemed to be strutting around Felicity's hen house;  he instructed Diggle to dig through all of his Who's Who issues to get the lowdown on Barry Allen. His angry confrontation with Barry, calling him a liar liar pants on fire, blew up in his face when Barry emotionally narrated his Tragic Past Which Is Necessary For A Superhero's Origin. Even Felicity was super pissed at him, though Oliver smoothed it over by inviting Barry to be her prom date at Moira's disastrous party.

Oliver's penchant for withholding came from his loving mother, who is back to her old tricks of lying to her children's faces. The resurrected Malcolm Merlyn is now making a habit of climbing through Stately Queen Manor's windows and making threats. He wants his daughter Thea "prepared" for him, whatever that means. But loose lips sink ships and Malcolm is too keen to blab details about why he left Starling City and abandoned young Tommy after his affair with Moira 20 years ago. When Malcolm told her he went to Nanda Parbat, it gave Moira the idea to ask a Mysterious Man to send Ra's Al-Ghul a message. (How does one send Ra's a message? Do the League of Assassins have a Twitter or Tumblr?) It turns out Malcolm is not popular with the League of Assassins, who, despite having the word 'Assassins' right in their company name, have some sort of code of honor that somehow doesn't include murdering 503 people with an earthquake machine. (Though the Ra's Al-Ghul of Batman Begins would have been all for it.) Thanks to Moira, Ra's Al-Ghul now knows Malcolm Merlyn is alive and wants to kill him. Merlyn Daddy-Daughter Day will have to wait for another time.

The girl who is unwittingly Thea Merlyn, meanwhile, gave Roy her approval to resume his crime fighting ways in the Glades. To Roy's chagrin, Thea insists on tagging along and being the Scooby to his Shaggy when the Canary's girl friday Sin contacted him to help her look into a missing friend. Their investigation ends up intersecting with Oliver's investigation into the centrifuge and draws the attention of one of the Starling City cops who is secretly a henchman for Brother Blood. When Roy leaves an arrow out to call on his good friend the Vigilante, Roy and the Arrow get into a bizarre spur of the moment argument that hilariously ended with the Arrow putting an arrow in Roy's leg. You could say that's the end of their bromance, but a bromance tends to be a two way street and Oliver never really liked that kid to begin with. Maybe Roy can ask Laurel to help him sue the Vigilante.

P.S. Loved the joke where Barry asked Oliver if he knows anything about how to break someone's neck. Oh, you Justice Leaguers and your neck snapping...