Revolution 1x1 - "Pilot"

You say you want a Revolution? Do you? Well, you know...

A few Tweets as I watched the pilot:

John Orquiola@BackoftheHead

Why do all these dudes on @NBCRevolution have buzz cuts? Did they discover some new kind of hair clippers that don't run on electricity?

16 Sep 12

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John Orquiola@BackoftheHead

When the lights got turned off in @NBCRevolution, so did the lightbulbs above brains that made them smart or interesting characters.

16 Sep 12

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John Orquiola@BackoftheHead

Well, @NBCRevolution, that was either the best or worst show I've ever seen about the world plunged in darkness without electricity.

16 Sep 12

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The premise is simple: The lights went out. All electricity all over the world shut down at the same time. "No one knows why," non-explains one of the characters. (Though at least two characters do know, one of whom is dead before the pilot ends.) Fifteen years later, the world has broken up into republics ruled by militias, the survivors of the apocalypse having learned to get by without any technology that runs on electricity. 

The show as set up is two things, A Quest (The Main Characters Must Find A Missing Family Member So They Can Rescue Another Family Member) and A Mysterious Mystery (Why Did The Lights Go Out?) 

There are familiar names on the credits, including Executive Producers Bryan Burk and JJ Abrams (both of Lost). Any resemblance to Lost is purely non-coincidental. The name that kind of saddens me is Jon Favreau, who produced and also directed the pilot. The guy who wrote Swingers and directed Iron Man must have had little to no input on the script, because that's where this whole shebang crumbles, at the source. The premise is enticing enough, but the script is dumb, the characters are vapid, the action is trite.

The lead girl is pretty enough but she's a dim bulb. Realistically, neither she nor her friends would survive long enough to make it to Chicago to find her missing uncle. The only guy in the whole show who tries real hard and succeeds in creating any nuance to his character is Giancarlo Esposito as a Militia Sergeant who would rather be doing other things, but this is the shit hand he was dealt. 

Production-wise, Revolution is impressive enough in realizing what a world without electricity would look like after 15 years, with towns and cities flooded and nature growing over everything. The airplanes crashing in the beginning after losing power were chilling, but again, the guys behind this made Lost so they know how to make airplanes crash. 

Charlie, Ben, Miles, Aaron.

Obviously, names on television get re-used and recycled all the time, but interesting how all four of those Revolution character names were also character names on Lost.

Also, Tracy Spiridakos, who plays Charlie, is apparently 16 in real life but is playing 20-21 (if Charlie was about 5 or 6 when the blackout happened 15 years ago).

I don't know, though, man. This wants to be the next Lost, but to me, it plays like the next Terra Nova.

Resident Evil: Retribution 3D

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION 3D

** SPOILERS **

Waiting in an empty theater for the fifth(!) Resident Evil movie to start, recalling bad memories of the very bad previous entry in this undying franchise, Resident Evil: Afterlife, I took to Twitter:

It's been five fucking Resident Evil movies -when is Alice going to beat the Umbrella Corporation already? She is completely incompetent.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) September 15, 2012

Who ever heard of a superhero who can't beat the villain after 5 movies? Every other superhero wins within 3. Alice sucks. #ResidentEvil
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) September 15, 2012

I was kind of rough on ol' Alice, I admit. Her troubles aren't really her fault, nor is her inability to gain a total victory against her enemies. The Resident Evil franchise, while one of the few boasting an unbeatable female action hero as its centerpiece, is a stacked deck against that very heroine. There is no way for Alice to win. She can't ever kill every zombie or get total revenge against the evil Umbrella Corporation. She never has control over her fate or the means to gain that control. Resident Evil doesn't play fair and it never did. The best Alice can ever do is clinch her jaw, pick up some guns, somersault, kick, shoot, and punch zombies and  Umbrella henchmen until the requisite 90 minutes are up. Then she gets a break for a couple of years until she has to do it all over again. Poor Alice.

Resident Evil: Retribution ("retribution" is the word chosen from the dictionary this time around) opens with a rather impressive 3D action set piece where all the action happens in slow motion reverse. When last we saw Alice (Milla Jovovich) and her friends K-Mart (Spencer Locke), and bad ass brother and sister Chris and Claire Redfield (Wentworth Miller and Ali Larter), they were on a barge called Arcadia with a bunch of humans they freed from Umbrella. They had about 7.2 seconds to relax before a helicopter armada led by Alice's mind-controlled old buddy from Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory), attacked them. The opening credit sequence of the attack happening backwards is the best trick the franchise has offered in all five movies. Also appreciated is Alice giving an explicit rundown of the events of the previous four Resident Evils (starting of course with her "My name is Alice..." introduction) to get everyone up to speed on what the hell is going on. Two pleasing back to back services for the audience.

Then Alice wakes up naked in an Umbrella facility and we're back to familiar Resident Evil ground. Retribution reaches all the way back to the first Resident Evil movie with callbacks and structure: Alice is trapped in an underground facility, the Umbrella Corporation is trying to kill her in the form of the artificial intelligence that controls everything called The Red Queen, which came to sentience as a homicidal little British girl, and Alice has to escape. At least The Red Queen was kind enough to give her a sexy skintight S&M leather jumpsuit to wear instead of the flimsy red dress Alice had to fight in before. Maybe The Red Queen just wanted Alice to match Jill Valentine's sexy blue skintight S&M leather jumpsuit. Coming to aid Alice from the real world are the Dudes With Attitudes, including a couple of characters from the video games who hadn't made it into the movies until now, and the black guy from Resident Evil: Afterlife who survived. They all take their marching orders from the former head of the Umbrella Corporation, best described as The Worst Agent Smith Knockoff Ever.

Also making return appearances are the corridor with the laser grid that slices and dices people to itty bitty bits, some monsters from the previous movies, and familiar faces who died in the inaugural film like Oded Fehr and Michelle Rodriguez. How can they be back? Simple: they're clones. The Umbrella base, located deep underneath Siberian ice, is not only a virtual reality playground, but a massive cloning facility. One questions why Umbrella only sold their zombie-creating T-virus when they could have also made a fortune with their technology to create perfect clones. There are surely dozens of uses for perfect clones of Milla Jovovich. Why, I can think of a couple.

Resident Evil: Retribution goes back to basics and gets as video-gamey as possible: Alice is given a map and a mission to cross the underground base and it's virtual reality settings of Tokyo, New York, "Suburbia", and Moscow (it's like the Umbrella version of EPCOT Center down there) to get to submarine pens and safety. In every level on the map, there will of course be a Boss Battle. Alice has a sidekick named Ida Asian - wait, no, IMDB says her name is "Ada Wong" - and soon Alice comes across the dead clone of herself who lived in the Suburbia that got attacked by zombies. She also meets a little girl clone who was the dead Alice's daughter. Alice decides, well, if a clone of me is this clone's mom and that clone is dead, then I guess I'm this clone's mom now. That is literally her thought process, and the most the movie offers her in terms of a character arc.

Of course, Alice makes it out of that Umbrella facility. Of course, some of the Dudes With Attitudes die. Of course, there are gun fights and karate fights and a lot of zombies being killed and explosions and ugly CGI monsters with weird, gross tentacles coming out of their mouths. This time around, though, most of the action happens in slo-mo. Resident Evil: Retribution goes absolutely apeshit with the slo-mo. Almost everything Alice does is in slo-mo - Guys, seriously, if you were gonna pad this thing with so much slo-mo, you could have also added maybe a little more story beyond the shambles of a screenplay you slapped together. Retribution is basically a pop up book where you turn the pages very slowly.

On the other hand, the gang's all here. The Resident Evil reunion of Jovovich, Fehr, Guillory, and Rodriguez is neat to see. Rodriguez plays a challenging dual role where one of her clones is the same gruff killer as in the first movie ("You haven't changed a bit," Alice mocks her) while another is an upbeat, suburban "Hey guys, what's going on?" smiley version of the same character. Sadly, Ali Larter missed out on this Resident Evil hang out. (Alice asking the direct question "What happened to Chris and Claire Redfield?" is met with no answer and a move along.) Alice has chop socky showdowns with both Rodriguez, superpowered by some sort of virus, and Guillory, superpowered via Red Queen mind control, and wins both, but not without getting her ass handed to her and taking a couple of pro wrestling moves like the Bionic Elbow and the Heart Punch. Even Bane would have been frustrated with how long it took Alice to realize that she can beat Jill Valentine if she just yanked that GLOWING RED SPIDER THING off her chest, but like Batman did Bane's mask, she eventually figured it out.

All's well that ends well in Resident Evil land? No, of course not. Resident Evil movies don't have endings, to Alice's chagrin. They just have set ups for the next movie, and this one is a total bummer: whisked away to the war-torn remains of Washington, DC, Alice, who did just fine the last two movies without her superpowers, is tricked by The Worst Agent Smith Knockoff Ever (seriously, why would you ever trust that Eurotrash asshole? He never even takes off his sunglasses) into becoming superpowered again. Why? So she can help them fight off The Billion Zombie March that took over Washington and is storming the White House. And you know, you have to give it up to Milla Jovovich by this point. She's really good at snarling and fighting, but you do feel for Alice when Milla gets the "it's just one more goddamned thing after another" look on her face. But she can take heart in knowing that, with the sixth Resident Evil go around pending in a couple of years, the number five she just made it through was not the worst.

In conclusion, Jill Valentine is really pretty.

Actually, Jill Valentine and her plight merits some good, hard questions. For years, after being captured by Umbrella at the end of the second movie, Jill Valentine was under mind control and worked as The Red Queen's chief of security, or something. Apparently, generous as The Red Queen was in selecting sexy attire for her, Jill Valentine was basically a robot for all those years. It didn't seem like she got to live like a normal person. My very good, probing questions are as follows: Did Jill Valentine ever get to take off that jumpsuit? Take a shower, even? If no, geez, what's under there by now? Did she shave her legs ever? Did The Red Queen let her groom her nethers? As she does appear to be relatively clean, it seems like The Red Queen at least let Jill Valentine use the ladies room when nature called. One would hope.

Smallville: Season 11 #16 - "Detective"

 

ROLL CALL:

SUPERMAN! CHLOE SULLIVAN! THE GREEN ARROW! THE BATMAN! NIGHTWING! BRUNO MANHEIM!

Let me be clear: This is the best issue of Smallville: Season 11 yet! I mean, this is the one to buy if you've never bought one. This is worth a dollar. This is worth many dollars, but for just one dollar, it's fanboy heaven. You get your dollar's worth and much, much more. The writing by Bryan Q. Miller is diabolical and the art by Jamal Ingle and Marc Deering is superb. 

So don't read this review first. Buy Smallville: Season 11 #16. Read it. And then come back and read this. Do it.

You're back. How great was that? So great. It all boils down to three words: 

SUPERMAN. VS. BATMAN. 

But before we get to the World's Finest Super Fight, we open at Watchtower, where Chloe Sullivan-Queen gets a disturbing phone call from Dr. Emil Hamilton at STAR Labs. Oliver arrives with coffee from everyone's favorite coffee joint because apparently no one in Metropolis, be they intrepid reporters or billionaire superheroes, seems to own their own coffee maker. Chloe tells Oliver that Emil is close to accessing the black box from the late Earth-2 Chloe's space ship. Meanwhile, Oliver has no lead on whoever it was in the cornfields that killed Chloe-2. Plus Oliver's been getting gibberish emails that he'd like his super hacker wife to get to the bottom of, if she's not too distracted by this "Crisis". Next thing you know, Watchtower's TroubAlert troubalerts them to a prison breakout at Stryker's Island. Oliver leaps into the green, and that gets the preliminaries out of the way. It's time for the main event!

How shall I describe this? Blow by blow like a boxing announcer? It's awesome! Superman gets knocked around by Batman, whose chest bat emblem is glowing red with energy - never seen that before. The Man of Steel keeps using his flight and speed to charge at the Batman, who feints and sticks Bat bombs on his cape. Thing is, Batman's very expensive toys aren't really hurting Superman. They say you never get to know anyone better than when you fight them, and both Batman and Superman are doing a lot of learning. Like when Superman grabs Batman:

That is awesome. I mean, that's exactly how this fight should go. Batman is brilliant and the pinnacle of humans and has all the best technology, but this is Superman he's fighting. Batman counters with a Bat grapple, which Superman easily catches and uses to slam Batman into a wall. The best part is Superman's taunt: "Whatever you're doing is remarkably inconsistent." But you can't underestimate the Batman, either. To Superman's surprise, the Batman seems to have disappeared, only to taunt him from afar. The red glowing energy in Batman's armor is red sunlight, which "theoretically negates your kind's abilities." How does Batman know about Superman's kind?

Because Batman has been watching Smallville for the last ten seasons too! He has all the Blu-rays. Why, Batman even went on his own personal tour of Smallville locations. The World's Greatest Detective paid attention to Zod emblazoning his symbol all around the world in season 8. He cross-referenced those alien symbols with the blue prints of Zod's solar tower, which Clark Heat Visioned to ashes. Batman also knows about the Indian caves and he personally visited the remains of the Checkmate castle. Batman's got all the lowdown on Superman, but all that intel and preparation can't prepare him enough for fighting the real thing. Superman "apologizes" for not spending nearly enough energy worrying about Batman as Batman has worrying about him, but he regarded "the Batman" as nothing more than a rumor. As ever, though, Batman is tactically a step ahead of Superman, as their fight was just misdirection.

Elsewhere in Stryker's, Bruno Manheim is on the run as Nightwing arrives with her electrified weapons and with the Batwing. Next thing she knows, a green arrow from the Green Arrow smoke bombs her. And we get a second super fight!

Nightwing's annoying. Nightwing's annoying. She just repeats whatever you say. She just repeats whatever you say. Plus Nightwing: "You hit a girl!" As Arrow and 'Wing do the superhero tango, the Batman bids Superman adieu, but makes the Classic Batman Mistake - the same one that blew his secret identity to Selina Kyle in Batman Returns - He repeats stuff he said prior. Superman's Super Memory recalled the exact words when Bruce Wayne left the meeting with Lex Luthor at the Ace of Clubs and instantly deduces the mysterious Batman is...

Whoa. Just like that, Batman gives up the goods. I mean, he basically just told Superman everything about himself. But look at Superman's big baby blues - how can you not trust him?

Those same blue eyes that melt Lois Lane's heart and can see through anything (except lead - shhh! - although Batman probably already figured that out too) take a good hard look at the grown man in the armored bat suit* who's really just a poor little rich boy who lost his mommy and daddy and can't ever get over it, and Superman knows what must be done. Superman can sympathize with Batman. After all, Superman has also lost his mommy and daddy. In fact, Superman lost two daddies, and you don't see him skulking about dressed like Dracula and basing a life of nocturnal misery around it. Blue tights, red cape, red boots, yellow belt = well adjusted. 

Meanwhile, Green Arrow and Nightwing haven't gotten the memo from their respective bosses that they've reached a detente and it's time to stop fighting. Evenly matched, Arrow and Nightwing have spilled arrows and Batarangs all over the place trying to smack each other down. Superman arrives to break up the fracas when Bruno Manheim pleads for sanctuary from the Man of Steel. Which is convenient because that's the guy Superman was looking for. Superman snatches Manheim and takes him up, up, and away for questioning.

You know who I'd hate to be next week? Joe Chill. Well, I'd hate to be Joe Chill any week, but next week seems like it'll be a pretty bad one for him.

* Also, now that we've seen it in action and everything it can do, I gotta say, the Smallville Batsuit has grown on me.

DC: The New 52 Zero Month - Week 2

This week's Zero Issues are a mixed bag. What was expected to be excellent was, and then there's everything associated with Team 7...

Batman #0. Riddle me this: When does the back up story actually eclipse the main story? Nothing against the very good Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo tale that takes place during the Year One time period (established as 7 years ago.) In that one, the Red Hood Gang (yes, Joker under the hood, it's strongly implied), with echoes to the Heat tribute heist that opened The Dark Knight, robs the Gotham National Bank. The Red Hood quickly and cleverly determines one of his gang is an impostor, and he is - Bruce Wayne, pre-Batman. Bruce has all the tech and resources he needs but not the symbol he can become. A tense meeting with James Gordon then leads to a cliffhanger that will be continued... in 2013? Wha--?

The backup by James Tynion IV and Andy Clarke is excellent. Set five years ago, Gordon is in full on "I love the Batman!" mode, and explains to Barbara Gordon why the Batsignal is so important to Gotham. We see who Tim Drake, Jason Todd, and Dick Grayson were and where they were in their lives concurrently when Gordon lights the Batsignal for the first time, and how it affects the three future Robins and the future Batgirl. Just terrific.

Batman and Robin #0. The secret origin of Damian Wayne from test tube incubation to the day he met his father. You want fucked up motherly love? Look no further than Talia al Ghul. First revelation: Talia had her nursemaids breastfeed Damian; she protects her nipples first and foremost. No other mother would sword fight duel her son every year on his birthday, dangling the carrot of telling him who his real father is if he wins. But it does seem like the question of when Bruce Wayne impregnated Talia is moot - no doubt they had sex in their past, but Damian is clearly referred to as "scientifically created", so Talia never actually was pregnant with him. All she needed was Bruce's DNA to mix with her own in a cocktail. Thus, the most messed up, violent little Robin of all. I liked this a lot, just as I like Damian Wayne a lot.

Batgirl #0. No, we do not find out how Barbara Gordon is able to walk again. The issue ends with Joker appearing at her door in "The Killing Joke", but the story here is set four years ago when Barbara was in college. She and James Jr. were at Gotham City Police working on one of her school projects when the station is attacked. A killer named Henry X stalks the young Gordons through the station and Barbara dons a mock costume of Batman the Police were using for a briefing (the Batman is an urban myth at this point) to fight off and beat Henry X. Then Batman arrives and gives her an attagirl. We learn Barbara was taken under Batman's wing as Batgirl and fought crime with Batman and Robin (Dick Grayson) for one year. Then she retired to concentrate on school. Then Joker shot and paralyzed her. She was never Oracle, apparently, though she worked with the Birds of Prey in some capacity. It's as fine an issue as Gail Simone's run has consistently been since Barbara Gordon came back in black.

Deathstroke #0. Horrible. The details of Slade Wilson's origin are rejiggered a bit: He was an exceptional soldier who served under Adeline, who would become his wife and mother of his two children Grant (Ravager) and Joseph (Jericho - not mute). Slade joined Team 7, was injured in combat, and experimented on to gain his superhuman strength and reflexes. Then he became Deathstroke the Terminator, the world's greatest mercenary. Rob Liefeld writes and draws it and it's no good. For one thing, the book can't even decide how old Slade is by his hair color. He's blonde in some scenes and then white haired in others and then blonde again. The details are incredibly sloppy. We find out Grant fought alongside Deathstroke and then the next panel later, there's an offhand mention that he's dead or something. Slade suddenly has an eyepatch with no explanation of how that happened. Deathstroke was such a cool character under the classic New Teen Titans but whatever was great about him is just lost now.

Frankenstein, Agent of S.H.A.D.E. #0. I dropped Frankenstein a few issues into its run even before Jeff Lemire left the title. This deals with the origin of Frankenstein, you may have heard how it goes. Mad scientist Victor Frankenstein creates a creature out of dead body parts (his machine is powered by souls of over fifty people he murdered). The creature, also referred to as Frankenstein, breaks free. Victor hunts him all the way to the Amazon. Frankenstein actually walked there UNDER the Atlantic Ocean and communed with The Green, setting up his role in the upcoming Rotworld Animal Man/Swamp Thing cross over. Then we find out how killing Victor got Frankenstein hired by S.H.A.D.E. Still a weird ass book, man.

Green Lantern Corps #0. The secret origin of Guy Gardner is now as follows: Ever watch The Wire? It's a little like that. Guy is part of a legacy of cops in Baltimore. His dad, older brother and younger sister (all with initials G.G.) are cops. Guy is a washout. All the best future Green Lanterns have daddy issues. Guy saved his brother from being killed by black street gangs when the Power Ring arrived (who's ring?) and made him a Green Lantern. After training with Kilowog, Guy stopped an alien killer and earned his badge, then changed his costume to the vest and moon boots. And he never got along with Hal Jordan from the start. So Guy, who couldn't be a Baltimore Cop, is now a space cop.

Suicide Squad #0. Basically, the secret origin of how super action spy Amanda Waller decided she needed a Suicide Squad after she gets involved in some crisis that ended up getting a friend of hers killed. Waller decides it's better to have people she doesn't care about and are expendable risk their lives on these missions, which would be super villains they have incarcerated. This is mainly notable for how many times "Team 7" is mentioned in the book. It's a broken record. Team 7. Team 7. Team 7. Team 7. We get it, there's a new book you're putting out you think is important called Team 7. Which brings me to...

Team 7 #0. This is one of the next wave of 52 books and it's set five years ago at the dawn of "the superhuman crisis" when the Justice League's appearance, the reality of aliens, and the discovery of the metagene caused the US government to freak out and come up with protocols to deal with all of these new threats. A team is recruited and formed, innovatively called Team 7, consisting of Black Canary and her husband Kyle Lance, Deathstroke, Grifter, Amanda Waller, and some new characters. It's really light on compelling characterizations and I don't think I'm into the spy genre within The New 52. Team 7, A.R.G.U.S., N.O.W.H.E.R.E., whatever, none of it floats my boat.

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1

BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS, PART 1

"Lucky. Lucky old man."

DC Animation totally succeeds in the daunting task of adapting arguably the most seminal Batman graphic novel of all, Frank Miller's 1986 epic "Batman: The Dark Knight Returns". The influence of "The Dark Knight Returns" on Batman in every media over the last 25+ years is immeasurable, with Tim Burton's 1989 Batman and Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Trilogy as direct descendants of its impact. This summer's The Dark Knight Rises drew freely from concepts and iconography depicted in Miller's story. Miller distills the essence of Batman, a grim, avenging creature of the night - dark, terrible, dreaded, and driven with compulsion bordering on madness to dress up as a bat and hunt down the criminal element infecting the soul of Gotham City.

The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1 handles the first two chapters of Miller's story, "The Dark Knight Returns" and "The Dark Knight Triumphant". Retired for a decade, a sixty year old Bruce Wayne, enormous in stature but a shell of himself, is compelled by his inner demons to resume wearing the cape and cowl of the Batman. Miller combines Wayne's childhood memories of his parents' murder with a bizarre worship of an enormous bat living in the cave beneath Wayne Manor. There's a monster inside Bruce Wayne that he can't control. As Gotham City falls under the terror of a gang called the Mutants, Batman's immediate concern is Harvey Dent, the arch criminal known as Two Face, who has had his face surgically repaired and is considered "healed." Dent then disappears, and Batman discovers his plan to stage a helicopter assault and bomb the Gotham Life Building (changed from "The Twin Towers" in the graphic novel out of respect for 9/11). The one disappointing aspect of Batman's confrontation with Two Face is the omission of the dialogue when Two Face asks Batman to look at his true face. In the graphic novel, Batman says, "I see a reflection, Harvey. A reflection", while Batman sees his own true face, the face of the bat.

The second half of Part 1 is even better as Batman turns his attention to the Mutants, and their leader, a hulking, shark-toothed abomination who, in 1986, predated Bane by seven years. Batman's tank-like Batmobile also predates and inspired the Tumbler in Nolan's Trilogy. Batman's resurgence has given hope to the people of Gotham, while authorities are quick to condemn the return of a masked vigilante to their streets. Commissioner Gordon, Batman's staunchest ally, who knows his true identity, tries to protect him as best he can before he's replaced by a younger, decidedly anti-Batman female commissioner (who is awful dense when Gordon tried to relate his story about FDR and Batman to her). Meanwhile, Batman inspires a young girl named Carrie Kelly to don a homemade Robin suit and join Batman's crusade. Batman battles the Mutant Leader mano e mano twice, where the animation delivers above and beyond in depicting the brutality of blood spilling and bone breaking. By defeating the Mutant Leader, the Batman becomes the new symbolic leader of the Mutants, who re-name themselves the Sons of the Batman. Order has been restored in Gotham and the Dark Knight is triumphant. Until the Joker is reawakened by Batman's resurgence...

Robocop himself, Peter Weller, voices Batman this time around, almost dreamily at first, then gradually escalating in fearsome authority. Ariel Winter from Modern Family voices Robin with the right amount of flippant attitude. The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1 labors at first to match the drama of Miller's innovative panel layouts and storytelling in the graphic novel, but as the Batman returns to action, the spectacular animation and thrilling score invoking Hans Zimmer and James Horner's score for The Dark Knight Trilogy combine for an immersive experience. All of the ultra violence of the graphic novel is depicted with no apologies. The physical toll being Batman takes on old Bruce Wayne isn't shied away from. (Though another notable omission is the shot of the naked Bruce Wayne in the Batcave hugging Robin, who leaped into his arms.) The era of the tale hasn't been changed; between Gordon speaking of his past fighting in World War II, and the aesthetic design of Gotham City, this is clearly the 1980s, even though it tells of Batman's possible "future". The Mutants are a distinctly 1980s-style cross between cyberpunk and A Clockwork Orange, complete with their own slang ("spuds" and "shivs".) "The Dark Knight Returns" also anticipated Batman's wardrobe changes, starting from the blue and grey "New Look" Batman of the 60's and 70's and to the black and grey look Batman sports today.

Overall, The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1 is easily the most aggressive, most enjoyable and the finest of the DC Animated films starring Batman, and it's only half over. Noticeably missing from Part 1 is a certain, Ronald Reagan-serving Man of Steel, with the super fight fanboys have loved for almost three decades still to look forward to in Part 2...

The conversation (mostly with myself but also with Strikeforce MMA World Champion Ronda Rousey!) re: The Dark Knight Returns, Part 1 continued on Twitter:

Weird to watch The Dark Knight Returns Part 1 today, which has a Two Face helicopter attack on the Twin Towers, changed to Gotham Life Bldg.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) September 11, 2012

“@backofthehead: @rondarousey Batman knows the #Armbar too. twitter.com/BackoftheHead/…” lol that's batman?!
— Ronda Rousey (@RondaRousey) September 11, 2012

Re-read The Dark Knight Returns. If Frank Miller wrote this today, no doubt Batman would be standing in the cave talking to an empty chair.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) September 11, 2012

One more thing about The Dark Knight Returns, Carrie Kelly is an awesome Robin. No Robin did more with less. Too bad she's apocryphal.
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) September 11, 2012

Frank Miller's withering view of Catwoman is depressing. A prostitute in Year One, a fat old Heidi Fleiss in The Dark Knight Returns. #meow
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) September 11, 2012

@backofthehead Frank Miller...shall we say, doesn't always do so well with the female characters.
— Caitlin Fitz Gerald (@caidid) September 11, 2012

Carrie Kelly, though. Never thought much of her before, but perspective changes with time. A more interesting Robin than I remember. @caidid
— John Orquiola (@BackoftheHead) September 11, 2012

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark: The IMAX Experience

INDIANA JONES AND THE RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: THE IMAX EXPERIENCE

"It's not the years, it's the mileage."

What can one say about Raiders of the Lost Ark (full title now revamped with the prefix Indiana Jones and the... to fit in with the rest of the saga's titles) that hasn't already been said in the last 30 years? Raiders is a near-perfect movie. It has flaws, but they're part of its charm. Raiders is a globe-hopping, derring-do, one-damn-thing-after-another, pure escapist fantasy into a pulpy early 20th century bursting with Nazis, supernatural artifacts, and an indomitable hero who's perpetually in over his head. And hat. It's the best Indiana Jones movie and always will be. 

Via the three sequels (though technically Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is set in 1935 and Raiders is set a year later, so Temple of Doom is a prequel) we know all we need to know about Henry Jones, Jr., nee "Indiana" Jones, who named himself after his childhood dog, a doctor of archaeology at Marshall College and expert in the supernatural and the occult. In Raiders, however, Indiana Jones is largely an enigma. Purely based on his actions, Indiana Jones can be seen as a grave robber, a meddler. We know he's a gifted archaeologist and a trouble-seeker. We know he's a killer when he has to be, and a callous one. We know he left Marion Ravenwood without saying goodbye when they were both younger (she younger than he). And yet, he is unquestionably our hero because truly evil (in the dictionary definition) characters oppose him and try to kill him, and he's played by the beloved Harrison Ford in his swaggering, macho prime. Bottom line, Indiana Jones is a good man and a hero, if you're on his side and you're not trying to kill him.

But what drives Indiana Jones to put his life and the lives of his friends and loved ones at perpetual risk time and again? He takes on the mission from US Army Intelligence to recover the fabled Ark of the Covenant for a few reasons. Ostensibly it's to recover such a sacred artifact for the museum curated by his friend Denholm Elliot. Partly, it's to learn the fate of his mentor Abner Ravenwood and see his ex Marion again. He's also interested in making sure the Ark doesn't fall into the hands of Hitler and the Nazis. Later on, his arch nemesis Rene Belloq, digs deeper - "Archaeology is [y]our religion." Belloq calls Indy's bluff that Indy could not destroy the Ark even if it was to save his life and Marion's, and he's right. In the end, Indiana Jones does what has to be done. Archaeology is his religion, but he has another equal passion: Adventure. Indiana Jones needs adventure. This is why despite the adoration of his students, Dr. Jones can't wait to blow out of his stuffy classroom and don his leather jacket and fedora.

The famous truck chase scene where Indy tries to commandeer the truck containing the crated up Ark is probably the finest action sequence in Raiders, but one wonders why Belloq and the Nazis, who spent the entire chase in a convertible Mercedes Benz driving in front of Indy's truck, didn't just pull over at any point and force the truck to stop? Probably because they knew Indy would try to ram and kill them no matter what. Anyone complaining how Bruce Wayne was able to return to a sealed off Gotham City in The Dark Knight Rises would probably also question how Indiana Jones was able to survive riding atop a Nazi submarine all the way to their secret island base, and then infiltrate the base without being detected. At the very least, Indy was lucky the Nazis apparently never chose to submerge their sub for some reason.

Probably the strangest thing about Raiders, in hindsight, is how surprisingly unquotable the dialogue is. "Fortune and glory.", "I'm not leaving here without the stones", "No time for love, Dr. Jones!" come from Temple of Doom. "We named the dog Indiana.", "You chose... poorly." come from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. The most famous lines from the saga came later. 

Belloq, played by Paul Freeman as the best of the Indiana Jones villains, is presented as Indiana Jones' equal as an archaeologist but he isn't quite. Belloq is a well-dressed French dandy who never get his hands dirty. He never digs or excavates on his own, and when he tries to learn the secret location of the Ark, he ends up sending the Nazis digging in the wrong place. In one respect, Belloq is brilliant - he's made a career of trailing Indiana Jones around the world, letting Indy do the actual dangerous risk-taking, and then stealing the spoils. He even tries to steal Marion, Indy's girl. Probably the only half-way noble thing Belloq does in Raiders is constantly trying to keep Marion safe from his Nazi overlords. Whatever Belloq intends for Marion, at least it's not the death, or worse, the Nazis would inflict on her.

Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood is the undisputed best of Indiana Jones' love interests, though it's better to remember her young, sexy and spirited in Raiders than as Shia LaBeouf's mom in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Marion is a brave and tough girl who can drink any man under the table, but she is still a girl and this is a pulp adventure yarn. Thus, Raiders uses Marion as a perpetual prop and hostage to be passed around between Indy and the Nazis. She's kidnapped no less than twice, thrown into a pit of snakes, and twice made to change into dresses that become flimsier and flimsier. She screams a lot too, but not nearly to the ear-splitting extent Kate Capshaw does in Temple of Doom. "We never can catch a break, can we?" Marion asks a beaten and battered Indy as he falls asleep instead of making love. When Indy and Marion walk away together, we expect a happily ever after that we learn later didn't quite become so.

The biggest question that hangs over the Indiana Jones saga is: when Marion and Indy finally did have their torrid, steamy sex, how did the two of them end up producing Mutt Williams?

DC: The New 52 Zero Month - Week 1

I can't believe it's been just over a year now since DC got me back into comics full time. To commemorate, here's a rehash of what I did last year when The New 52 launched: A bunch of thoughts on each week's Zero Issues. For those not aware, DC's Zero Issues take place as prequels for each title, set at some point in that title's past, to illuminate some of the new history of that title and shed some light on the revised history of The New 52 DC Universe.

So here's what I thought of them, in alphabetical order:

Action Comics #0. You don't tug on Superman's cape, but if you're a young boy coming from an abusive home, and the young, newly debuted Superman in a T-shirt and jeans is KO'd after taking an RPG in the face, then it's okay. Set over five years ago in the earliest days of Superman's arrival in Metropolis, Clark Kent had just moved out of Jimmy Olsen's swank apartment and into his shabby tenement. He just got hired at the Daily Star. He admires Lois Lane of the Daily Planet but has yet to meet her. And his appearance as Superman as depicted here didn't go so great, via the aforementioned rocket he got smacked down with. We also learn Jimmy Olsen is a rich kid whose supermodel mother slept around, got a disease and died, and his real father gave him a fortune. Okay. As for the young boy who borrowed Superman's cape, he finds the cape is invulnerable and allowed him to fight his alcoholic dad. He tries to run away with his brother. They try to get on a train but their dad tracks them down, and he's saved from getting run over by another train by Superman, who gets his cape back. And Lois sees it happen and coins the name "Superman."

There's also a backup story about Adam Blake, Captain Comet, who goes off into space to save worlds, including Earth. It's weird.

I dropped reading Action Comics a while back despite how much I loved Action Comics #1 because Grant Morrison Morrison-ed the book, as he must, and it became incomprehensible to me. Maybe I'll try Action again when there's a new creative team after #16.

Animal Man #0. The secret origin of how Buddy Baker became Animal Man, steeped in the current new mythology that divides the animal kingdom of the DCU, The Red, with the plant kingdom, The Green. Their enemy is The Rot, the great force of death, evil and pestilence controlled by a demon named Sethe. Their lead agent is a monster named Arcane (revamped Anton Arcane). Arcane killed the Animal Man, the avatar of The Red, and they needed a new one -- except the next avatar is destined to be Buddy Baker's daughter, who has yet to be born. So the Totems of The Red decide to empower stuntman and struggling actor Buddy Baker with limited animal powers as a stopgap temporary avatar until his daughter is born and can become the proper avatar. Then the origin of Animal Man, where he comes upon a crashed space ship and aliens give him his animal powers, is invoked and presented as a ruse by The Red to give Buddy his powers in a form he'd understand - that he'd become a superhero. It's pretty neat and nicely sets up the upcoming Animal Man-Swamp Thing vs. The Rot crossover Jeff Lemire and Scott Snyder have been building towards all year.

Dial H for Hero #0. Uh... what? I read Dial H #1 and I didn't really get it. This one is set in the distant Babylonian past and the dial is a giant stone sundial, which is hilarious. But I couldn't understand what the hell was going on. If anyone can, explain it to me.

Detective Comics #0. This is the first issue of Detective Comics in The New 52 I think was good. It was redundant to Batman Begins and the old stories of Bruce Wayne training with Master Kirigi, and it had a twist you could see coming a mile away, but it was still good. 10 years ago, Bruce Wayne was training with cold hearted sensei Matsuda in the Himalayas and learned his martial skills from him, while learning lessons about not letting love in your heart. And yet, there's a cute girl in the village nearby he's attracted to. He finally asks her out and wouldn't you know it, she's a ninja assassin sent by the sensei's wife! D'oh! Still, it was good, and sort of explains why Bruce doesn't have a steady girlfriend. But what Detective #0 continues to do is add confusion to the Bat timeline. Okay, 10 years ago (2002) Bruce was in the Himalayas. He trained there for 6 months and change.

In the backup story involving Alfred's efforts to keep Wayne Manor and Bruce's assets from the Kanes (Martha Wayne's family, who are bad eggs - wait, are they related to Kathy Kane and Batwoman?), it's established Bruce returned to Gotham 7 years ago (2005). So in those 7 years, Bruce became Batman, then Dick Grayson became Robin, then Jason Todd became Robin and Dick became Nightwing, Barbara Gordon became Batgirl, Jason was killed by The Joker, Barbara was shot and paralyzed by The Joker, Superman debuted and the Justice League was formed, Tim Drake became Red Robin, Jason came back to life and became Red Hood, Damian Wayne was revealed as his son and became Robin (so Bruce must have impregnated Talia before he arrived in the Himalayas 10 years ago), there was a Final Crisis because Batman died and traveled back through time and then came back and formed Batman Inc., and that more or less brings us to today, with Batman facing down The Court of Owls. All that happened in 7 years. Okay.

Earth 2 #0. This deals with Terry Sloane, the smartest man in Earth 2 and the ally of Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman, who betrayed them in order to save the world during the Apokalips War. He's kind of like the Adrian Veidt of Earth 2. He discovered alternate dimensions and detonated bombs across the Earth to wipe out the millions of zombified humans who fell to the Anti-Life Equation, in a cool visual where Earth looks like it has fire pits like Apokalips. Though Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman are dead now, and Robin and Supergirl are now on Earth 1 as Huntress and Power Girl, Terry Sloane is alive and is established as the Big Bad of Earth 2 going forward. Earth 2 is pretty neat. I'd really like a spinoff of Earth 2 set during the Apokalips War. I very much prefer learning more about the war between Earth 2 and the forces of Apokalips lead by Steppenwolf than the current exploits of the burgeoning Justice Society of America.

Green Lantern #0. This is a HUGE issue because it introduces DC's first Arab-American superhero, Simon Baz, our new Green Lantern. Simon Baz was a boy who watched the Twin Towers fall during 9/11 and a decade later, he's a car thief who gets imprisoned by the feds as a terrorist. Which he isn't, to be clear. DC's newest Green Lantern is NOT a terrorist. Anyway, following the events of Green Lantern Annual #1, Hal Jordan's Power Ring chooses Baz and busts him out of prison and now he's Green Lantern. Meanwhile, The Third Army is rising and Sinestro and Hal Jordan are believed to be dead but actually... somewhere. Whatever. Let me state for the record, Green Lantern and its various titles and its mythology do not float my boat. I'm not into this stuff. As for Baz and this issue, it's like Geoff Johns said, "You know what's awesome? Homeland. You know what has nothing to do with Homeland? Green Lantern. Well, it does now."

Phantom Stranger #0. Oof. As depicted in the DC Free Comic Book Day comic, The Phantom Stranger is one of the Trinity of Sin, along with Pandora and The Question, who were all punished in ancient times by a bunch of sorcerers and magicians for crimes against humanity. It turns out The Phantom Stranger is Judas and the cloak he wears is Jesus' cloak (which he has tailed over the millenia) and he wears 30 pieces of silver around his neck. He loses a piece of silver each time he does something good, or something. In this case, at some vague point in the last century, the Stranger meets Jim Corrigan and turns him into The Spectre. So now The Spectre is officially in The New 52. And I guess Phantom Stranger has 29 more things to do until whatever... Oy.

Swamp Thing #0. Opening with Arcane tricking and murdering a Swamp Thing in the late 19th century in Canada, this is the origin of how Alec Holland didn't become Swamp Thing. That's right. The basics of Alec Holland becoming Swamp Thing's origin are in place - the shack lab in the swamp, the bio-restorative formula, the explosion that sends a dying Holland into the swamp - but a couple of big changes: The demon Arcane was there and caused the explosion himself. Also, Alec Holland never became Swamp Thing. No, he didn't. Arcane caused the explosion because he knew it would destroy Holland's physical body. Under New 52 rules, the Green needs an organic body to latch onto in order to create a Swamp Thing - Green bonds with Red. But Holland's body was beyond repair. So it turns out The Green replicated a Swamp Thing with Holland's consciousness and that was the Swamp Thing we've read about all these years, via Alan Moore et al. So this ends with Holland not becoming Swamp Thing, but he is mysteriously, magically resurrected as Alec Holland in the last page. Also, he's Swamp Thing now and this sets up that crossover with Animal Man coming soon.

Worlds' Finest #0. This was my favorite of the bunch by far. We get an entire 22 page issue of Kevin Maguire's art and that alone makes me deliriously happy. Set years ago on Earth 2, it establishes Helena Wayne as Robin, as she's trained by her mother Catwoman while Batman is out with his buddies fighting the Apokalips War. Meanwhile, Superman trains his cousin Supergirl, who is his secret weapon no one knows about. Superman also has questions about how their rockets can launch from an exploding Krypton simultaneously but Kal arrived on Earth decades before Kara and Kara has hardly aged at all. We do get to see a bit of that hot, sexy marriage between Batman and Catwoman and we learn how Lois Lane was killed. Then Catwoman is killed, Batman is nearly killed, Robin goes in alone after Apokaliptian soldiers, is nearly killed, but she is saved by Supergirl. This begins a beautiful friendship. Worlds' Finest is a really awesome book and if there's one thing DC can be truly proud of, it's of the high quality its books headlined by female superheroes are, including Batgirl, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Batwoman, Birds of Prey, and Worlds' Finest.