When the British did an all-star romantic comedy, they gave the world Love Actually. Just wanted to point that out on the outset. Valentine's Day is the Cannonball Run of romantic comedies. Except in terms of quality it's more like Cannonball Run II. Director Garry Marshall assembled a massive cast of good looking movie stars and celebrities for this magnum opus of artificiality masquerading as a romantic comedy. Listing the names of all the movie stars - many of whom really are better than this - will take so much space, it'll practically eat up most of the review. So here goes: Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane, Patrick Dempsey, Hector Elizondo, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Carter Jenkins, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, Taylor Lautner, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Emma Roberts, Julia Roberts, and Taylor Swift are the headliners. In this tough economic climate, it warms the heart to see so many movie stars were able to find work by starring in Valentine's Day. Let that be an example to the rest of America. Oh, the movie? It's terrible, just terrible. A horde of impossibly beautiful people devoid of anything resembling real problems hemming and hawing about whether they'll get whatever they wish for on Valentine's Day. And get this: they do! Whew.