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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

V 2x7 - "Birth Pangs"

As a public service, I thought I'd get everyone caught up a bit on V. This is an admittance that I am still watching V.

No one's more surprised than me that I was generally pleased with the last couple of episodes. Oh, the show is still dumber than a pair of snakeskin boots, but seven episodes into their second (and final?) season, business has picked up. Might be too little too late; I mean, these major events should have actually started unraveling in season one, but better late than never.

Okay, so, here's where we are in V:

1) The Fifth Column is now an army, and Erica Evans is the leader. The V miniseries took about an hour for Julie, their blonde heroine, to become leader of the Resistance. In the 11th hour (literally) of the new V, Erica has finally become the leader of the global army fighting the Vs. The former leader was a man named Eli Cohn (Oded Fehr), who handpicked Erica to succeed him and was killed in a siege last week (titled "Siege").

In that very same seige, Erica's ex-husband and Tyler's father was killed. Erica is currently on bereavement leave from the FBI, which conveniently allows her time to travel the world and assert control over the Fifth Column. The good news is loss and command have turned Erica into a snarling, violent bad ass all eager to skin lizards and blow motherships out of the sky. It's sexay.

Father Jack was defrocked and is no longer a priest.

Chad is now working for The Fifth Column and is routinely surprised by things the audience has known for months, like Lisa working against her mother Anna.

2) Betrayals. Ryan betrayed the Fifth Column to Anna to protect his baby in Anna's thrall, but for some reason he's still trying to make nice with his former Fifth Column buddies, and for some, even harder to explain reason, Erica and friends haven't skinned him yet for betraying them.

Meanwhile, Hobbes has also secretly betrayed the Fifth Column because of a sudden backstory involving his wife-he-believed-dead-but-isn't. The Vs know where she is. Unlike Ryan, no one yet suspects Hobbes has been compromised even as he saddles up next to Erica as her second in command.

Speaking of betrayals, Anna is onto Lisa's wavering loyalty and ties to the Fifth Column.

3) Diana. So far, Diana has done nothing, just flitting about the bowels of the New York mothership. Anna goes down there to taunt her. Lisa also now visits for advice on how to betray Anna. But otherwise, there's been no point to Jane Badler being on the show. If neither Anna nor Lisa ever visited Diana to tell her what they're up to, Diana would have no impact on anything. In fact, it makes no sense Anna visits her at all; each time she does, she only shoots herself in the foot.

4) Red Sky, Phosphorous, Concordia, and The Soul. This is why the Vs are on Earth - try to follow along: Okay, so the Vs are a race that travels the universe with the primary purpose of leapfrogging their own genetic evolution. Decades ago, Vs were sent to Earth to infiltrate humanity and begin the process of getting humans ready for "cross breeding", so that the Vs can absorb humanity's best traits (like our hotness because we're not lizards) for the Vs evolutionary benefit. This involved selectively injecting pregnant women with high levels of phosphorous so that their children will have the capacity to breed with Vs. Erica Evans was one of those pregnant women and Tyler is one of those children.

There are 28 other children, however. We've been told by Anna in every episode that Tyler is "special" and thus was hand picked to mate with her daughter Lisa, but no, he isn't. There's a Tyler in 28 other cities, and the reason there are 29 V ships on Earth is each ship is docked over a city with one of the special children like Tyler. Does that make any sense?

When Anna unleashed Red Sky and Red Rain, the purpose of that was to condition humanity around the world to the higher phosphorous levels. We are to believe everyone in the world was red rained on. Plus, if you recall (or maybe you don't), when Anna unleashed Red Sky, she did it ahead of schedule. But that plot point doesn't matter one bit. In fact, nothing involving Red Sky-Red Rain makes any sense. But hey if you want not making sense, look no further than...

The Vs hate the human soul. Actually, not all Vs do; many, like Lisa, appreciate having human emotions. Anna hates it because the soul and human emotions counter acts her Bliss and ability to control the Vs. (Although Anna also secretly feels human emotions and hides it.) So Anna wants to destroy the soul and she thinks V science can isolate it and destroy it. In this belief and plot point, Anna - the smartest character on the show - is retarded. None of that makes any sense whatsoever.

But there's also Concordia. Concordia is the first of the V Cities Anna wants to build on Earth where humans and Vs can live together in perfect harmony. Except Concordia's real purpose is to be a docking station for the cloaked V ships in our solar system. I shit you not, Anna basically explained that the V Master Plan is for humans to populate Concordia while V ships secretly dock, then the Vs will come up, grab humans, and make with the sweet, sweet lizard on human sex.

This is the slapdash hodgepodge of inanity of V in a nutshell. Though again, the last couple of episodes actually stepped up the action and moved these ridiculous plot points forward, as opposed to the previous episodes involving Anna twirling her supervillain mustache plotting on her ship while the Fifth Column hem and haw in a basement.

Now that I've attempted to summarize V's story, I'm not sure what the V writers have been on since the series began, but I suspect it ain't phosphorous.