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Friday, October 2, 2009

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (*)

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If I were 12 years old, I'd still think this was really dumb. President Lex Luthor (snicker) frames Superman for the murder of Metallo (the Man With A Kryptonite Heart!) so half of the superheroes and super villains of the DC Universe come after Superman and Batman to collect a bounty of... one billion dollars!  Adapted from the comic book series written by perennial nominee for Worst Comic Book Writer Ever Jeph Loeb, Superman/Batman: Public Enemies shows the Man of Steel and the Dark Knight as bosom buddies taking on friend and foe alike while racing against time to stop a Kryptonite meteor from colliding with the Earth.  For anyone knowledgeable about the DC Universe, the way most of the supporting characters are used is insulting.  Loeb displays either a pathetic lack of understanding of these characters or worse, a complete disregard for who the characters are, choosing instead to shoehorn them into his insipid plot any lamebrained way he sees fit. For instance, a bunch of super villains attack Superman and Batman, who wonder why some of them, like say, galactic planet-killer Mongul, are coming after them for a billion dollars.  Superman figures they must be mind controlled by a telepath.  Batman realizes, "Of course! It's Gorilla Grodd!"  Sure enough, Gorilla Grodd is mind controlling his fellow villains. Okay, but why would a talking telepathic gorilla from Africa want a billion dollars?  So he can buy pants? Later, a bunch of superheroes working for Luthor (because "he's the President!") come after the World's Finest Team.  Among them are Black Lightning and Katana, who used to work for Batman as The Outsiders, and Starfire, who was a Teen Titan and used to bang Batman's first Robin Dick Grayson.  At no point does a conversation take place amongst these characters who know each other about why they're suddenly shooting lasers and lightning bolts at Batman.   And that's all before Superman and Batman get to Japan and meet a 13 year old billionaire genius who has built a giant rocket shaped half like Superman and half like Batman, then get attacked by President Lex Luthor wearing a green and purple battlesuit.  Even for a gratuitous superhero cartoon smackdown, this is some pretty retarded shit.

3 comments:

  1. I wonder how much LeVar Burton got paid for one line (one line!) of dialogue as Black Lightning. I wonder what he drew on from his more than quarter century-long career as an Emmy nominated actor and pusher of children's literature in order to determine the proper reading of "Maybe I can create a force field!"

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  2. I wonder if he raised the question as I did of how a guy who shoots lightning bolts can suddenly use said lightning bolts to create a force field? Electricity doesn't work that way!

    Is there any way on God's green Earth that a newly elected President of the United States would announce to the world during his inauguration that his crack superhero team consists of "Black Lightning", "Katana", and "Major Force"? Would Power Girl's enormous rack be glistening in the sun during a Presidential inauguration? Would Major Force and Captain Atom, who are both essentially naked in their silver and gold, be allowed to stand there essentially naked in their silver and gold? Dr. Manhattan always had to wear a suit for official business. This shit is retarded.

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