Saturday, October 31, 2009

Smallville 9x6 - "Crossfire"


ROLL CALL:

SUPERMAN! CHLOE SULLIVAN! LOIS LANE! TESS MERCER! ZOD! THE GREEN ARROW!
This week's special DC Universe Guest Star:
SPEEDY!
with a mention of:
CAT GRANT!

A better title for this episode would have been "RAO Speedwagon". Three major developments on Smallville:

1) Tess Mercer is building a solar tower that will harness the power of the sun and power all of Metropolis (kind of the opposite of Max Shreck's capacitor in Batman Returns.) Zod wants this solar tower built so he and his Kandoran buddies can harness the sun's rays and regain their missing powers. That basic idea makes sense. Everything else, from Zod now suddenly strolling around as suit wearing, espresso sipping CEO of "RAO Inc." and his boasts that he has planted Kandorans in Luthorcorp to give it the best technology on Earth doesn't make sense.

Zod asks his Kandoran minion who looks the most like Billy Zane to interrogate Tess about where The Blur is and kill her, in that order. Instead Tess somehow killed Billy Zane off screen and sent his bloody dog tags back to Zod. Don't fuck with Tess Mercer, especially if there's a scene change.

2) In the more enjoyable DC geeky development that homages Pretty Woman wholesale, The Green Arrow has found his Speedy. I don't know what the Smallville writers' fascination is with underground fight clubs, but Oliver finds prostitute Mia Dearden improbably beating on a guy twice her size. Then she's suddenly helpless when her gangster pimp shows up and threatens her. Despite watching her gangster pimps manhandle her out of the fight club, Oliver ignores this completely and decides to pick up Mia and turn her into his employee/sidekick. 

The Pretty Woman homage goes into full effect. Those thigh-high leather boots Julia Roberts wears? Mia has them. The blonde wig? Mia has one. Oliver should have presented her with an arrow in a box, slammed the box shut on her fingers and Mia laughs. Mia goes off Pretty Woman script, betrays Oliver, steals his Ferrari, and tries to pay back her debt to the pimp but the whole thing ends up with Mia, Oliver, and Lois nearly being shot to death, except for Clark's timely interference.

None of this bothers Oliver in the slightest and he retains Mia under his employ. Something about knowing all about going to a dark place and wanting to give someone else a chance. As long as she's super hot. And can learn to shoot a bow and arrow. I enjoyed Oliver's sudden devotion to his hot little hooker friend. Hopefully Speedy doesn't give Oliver the AIDS.

3) Lois and Clark kissed! OMG! Clois finally locked lips! Lois and Clark ended up trying out as morning talk show hosts for Good Morning Metropolis, and nearly got the job for their off screen banter, despite Clark being stiff as a board when the cameras are rolling. The whole thing, including Oliver declaring his love for Lois and getting shot down because she loves Clark (which Clark, who can hear ladybugs sneeze in Taiwan, didn't hear), was an excuse for Clark to finally admit he wants Lois. So he up and plants his Superlips on her right in the Daily Planet. They got fired from the morning show gig and replaced with Cat Grant. That means the Lois and Clark poster for the morning show that's a direct lift off of the Pretty Woman poster goes to waste.

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